Part 93 (1/2)
MDCLXXVII.--MR. CHARLES YORKE.
WHEN Mr. Charles Yorke was returned a member for the University of Cambridge, about the year 1770, he went round the Senate to thank those who had voted for him. Among the number was a Mr. P., who was proverbial for having the largest and most hideous face that ever was seen. Mr.
Yorke, in thanking him, said, ”Sir, I have great reason to be thankful to my friends in general, but confess myself under a particular obligation to _you_ for the _very remarkable countenance_ you have _shown_ me upon this occasion.”
MDCLXXVIII.--THE SALIC LAW
IS a most sensible and valuable law, banis.h.i.+ng gallantry and chivalry from Cabinets, and preventing the amiable antics of grave statesmen.
MDCLXXIX.--CHARLES JAMES FOX.
AFTER Byron's engagement in the West Indies, there was a great clamor about the badness of the ammunition. Soon after this, Mr. Fox had a duel with Mr. Adam. On receiving that gentleman's ball, and finding that it had made but little impression, he exclaimed, ”Egad, Adam, it had been all over with me, if you had not charged with _government powder_!”
MDCLx.x.x.--PREFERMENT.
AMONG the daly inquirers after the health of an aged Bishop of D----m, during his indisposition, no one was more sedulously punctual than the Bishop of E----r; and the invalid seemed to think that other motives than those of anxious kindness might contribute to this solicitude. One morning he ordered the messenger to be shown into his room, and thus addressed him: ”Be so good as present my compliments to my Lord Bishop, and tell him that I am better, much better; but that the Bishop of W----r has got a sore throat, arising from a bad cold, _if that will do_.”
MDCLx.x.xI.--COMPLIMENTARY.
A GENTLEMAN dining at an hotel, was annoyed by a stupid waiter continually coming hovering round the table, and desired him to retire.
”Excuse me, sir,” said Napkin, drawing himself up, ”but I'm _responsible_ for the silver.”
MDCLx.x.xII.--DR. DONNE.
DR. DONNE, the Dean of St. Paul's, having married a lady of a rich and n.o.ble family without the consent of the parents, was treated with great asperity. Having been told by the father that he was to expect no money from him, the doctor went home and wrote the following note to him: ”John Donne, Anne Donne, _undone_.” This quibble had the desired effect, and the distressed couple were restored to favor.
MDCLx.x.xIII.--VULGARITY.
SIR WALTER SCOTT once happening to hear his daughter Anne say of something, that it was _vulgar_, gave the young lady the following temperate rebuke: ”My love, you speak like a very young lady; do you know, after all, the meaning of this word _vulgar_? 'Tis only _common_; nothing that is common, except wickedness, can deserve to be spoken of in a tone of contempt; and when you have lived to my years, you will be disposed to agree with me in thanking G.o.d that nothing really worth having or caring about in this world is _uncommon_.”
MDCLx.x.xIV.--AN EXPENSIVE JOB.
A GENTLEMAN pa.s.sing a country church while under repair, observed to one of the workmen, that he thought it would be an expensive job. ”Why, yes,” replied he; ”but in my opinion we shall accomplish what our reverend divine has endeavored to do, for the last thirty years, in vain.”--”What is that?” said the gentleman. ”Why, bring all the parish _to repentance_.”
MDCLx.x.xV.--PROSINESS.
A PROSY old gentleman meeting Jerrold, related a long, limp account of a stupid practical joke, concluding with the information that ”he really thought he should have _died_ with laughter.”--”I wish to heaven you had,” was Jerrold's reply.
MDCLx.x.xVI.--A PLEASANT MESSAGE.