Part 60 (2/2)

MLXXI.--SIR THOMAS COULSON.

SIR THOMAS COULSON being present with a friend at the burning of Drury Lane Theatre, and observing several engines hastening to the spot where the fire had been extinguished, remarked that they were ”_ingens_ cui lumen adeptum.”

MLXXII.--THROW PHYSIC TO THE DOGS!

WHEN the celebrated Beau Nash was ill, Dr. Cheyne wrote a prescription for him. The next day the doctor, coming to see his patient, inquired if he had followed his prescription: ”No, truly, doctor,” said Nash; ”if I had I should have broken my neck for I _threw it_ out of a two-pair-of-stairs window.”

MLXXIII.--MOTHERLY REMARK.

SIR DAVID BAIRD, with great gallantry and humanity, had a queer temper.

When news came to England that he was one of those poor prisoners in India who were tied back to back to fetter them, his mother exclaimed, ”Heaven pity the man _that's tied_ to my Davy!”

MLXXIV.--TOO GOOD.

A PHYSICIAN, much attached to his profession, during his attendance on a man of letters, observing that the patient was very punctual in taking all his medicines, exclaimed in the pride of his heart: ”Ah! my dear sir, you _deserve_ to be ill.”

MLXXV.--A BALANCE.

”PAY me that six-and-eightpence you owe me, Mr. Malrooney,” said a village attorney. ”For what?”--”For the opinion you had of me.”--”Faith, I _never_ had any _opinion_ of you in all my life.”

MLXXVI.--MONEY'S WORTH.

WHILST inspecting a farm in a pauperized district, an enterprising agriculturist could not help noticing the slow, drawling motions of one of the laborers there, and said, ”My man, you do not sweat at that work.”--”Why, no, master,” was the reply, ”_seven s.h.i.+llings_ a week isn't _sweating_ wages.”

MLXXVII.--ON MR. GULLY BEING RETURNED M.P. FOR PONTEFRACT.

STRANGE is it, proud Pontefract's borough should sully Its fame by returning to parliament Gully.

The etymological cause, I suppose, is His breaking the bridges of so many noses.

MLXXVIII.--WRITING FOR THE STAGE.

PEOPLE would be astonished if they were aware of the cart-loads of trash which are annually offered to the director of a London theatre. The very first ma.n.u.script (says George Colman) which was proposed to me for representation, on my undertaking theatrical management, was from a nautical gentleman, on a nautical subject; the piece was of a tragic description, and in five acts; during the princ.i.p.al scenes of which the hero of the drama declaimed from the _main-mast_ of a man-of-war, without once descending from his position!

A tragedy was offered to Mr. Macready, or Mr. Webster, in _thirty_ acts.

The subject was the history of Poland, and the author proposed to have five acts played a night, so that the whole could be gone through in a week.

MLXXIX.--A COMPARISON.

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