Part 56 (2/2)

THE air of France! nothing to the air of England. That goes ten times as far,--it must, for it's ten times as thick.--D.J.

M.--GRAFTING.

VERY dry and pithy too was a legal _opinion_ given to a claimant of the Annandale peerage, who, when pressing the employment of some obvious forgeries, was warned, that if he persevered, nae doot he might be a peer, but it would be a peer o' anither _tree_!

MI.--A SHORT CREED.

A SCEPTICAL man, conversing with Dr. Parr, observed that he would believe nothing that he did not understand. Dr. Parr, replied, ”Then young man, _your creed_ will be the shortest of any man's I know.”

MII.--IN THE DARK.

A SCOTCH lady, who was discomposed by the introduction of gas, asked with much earnestness, ”What's to become o' the _puir whales_?” deeming their interests materially affected by this superseding of their oil.

MIII.--NOT TO BE TEMPTED.

”COME down, this instant,” said the boatswain to a mischievous son of Erin, who had been idling in the round-top; ”come down, I say, and I'll give you a good dozen, you rascal!”--”Troth, sur, I wouldn't come down if you'd give me _two dozen_!”

MIV.--QUITE POETICAL.

HARRY ERSKINE made a neat remark to Walter Scott after he got his Clerks.h.i.+p of Session. The scheme to bestow it on him had been begun by the Tories, but (most honorably) was completed by the Whigs, and after the fall of the latter, Harry met the new Clerk, and congratulated him on his appointment, which he liked all the better, as it was a ”Lay of the _Last Ministry_!”

MV.--CORPORATION POLITENESS.

AS a west-country mayor, with formal address, Was making his speech to the haughty Queen Bess, ”The Spaniard,” quoth he, ”with inveterate spleen, Has presumed to attack you, a poor virgin queen, But your majesty's courage soon made it appear That his Dons.h.i.+p had ta'en the wrong sow by the ear.”

MVI.--A COMMON WANT.

IN the midst of a stormy discussion, a gentleman rose to settle the matter in dispute. Waving his hands majestically over the excited disputants, he began:--

”Gentlemen, all I want is common sense--”

”Exactly,” Jerrold interrupted, ”that is precisely what you _do_ want!”

The discussion was lost in a burst of laughter.

MVII.--LARGE, BUT NOT LARGE ENOUGH.

THE Rev. William Cole, of Cambridge, nicknamed the Cardinal, was remarkable for what is called a ”comfortable a.s.surance.” Dining in a party at the University, he took up from the table a gold snuff-box, belonging to the gentleman seated next to him, and bluntly remarked that ”It was big enough to hold the freedom of a corporation.”--”Yes, Mr.

Cole,” replied the owner; ”it would hold any _freedom_ but yours.”

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