Part 57 (1/2)

MVIII.--HENRY ERSKINE.

MR. HENRY ERSKINE (brother of Lord Buchan and Lord Erskine), after being presented to Dr. Johnson by Mr. Boswell, and having made his bow, slipped a s.h.i.+lling into Boswell's hand, whispering that it was for the sight of his _bear_.

MIX.--EPITAPH ON A MISER.

READER, beware immoderate love of pelf, Here lies the worst of thieves,--who robbed himself.

MX.--SMART REPLY.

SOME schoolboys meeting a poor woman driving a.s.ses, one of them said to her, ”Good morning, mother of a.s.ses.”--”Good morning, my child,” was the reply.

MXI.--CALUMNY.

GEORGE THE THIRD once said to Sir J. Irwin, a famous _bon-vivant_, ”They tell me, Sir John, you love a _gla.s.s_ of wine.”--”Those, sire, who have so reported me to your Majesty,” answered he, bowing profoundly, ”do me great injustice; they should have said,--_a bottle_!”

MXII.--LOVE.

THEY say love's like the measles,--all the worse when it comes late in life.--D.J.

MXIII.--ANY CHANGE FOR THE BETTER.

A VERY plain actor being addressed on the stage, ”My lord, you _change_ countenance”; a young fellow in the pit cried, ”For heaven's sake, _let him_!”

MXIV.--TOO FAST.

TWO travellers were robbed in a wood, and tied to trees. One of them in despair exclaimed, ”O, I am undone!”--”Are you?” said the other joyfully; ”then I wish you'd come and _undo me_.”

MXV.--A REVERSE JOKE.

A SOLDIER pa.s.sing through a meadow, a large mastiff ran at him, and he stabbed the dog with a bayonet. The master of the dog asked him why he had not rather struck the dog with the b.u.t.t-end of his weapon? ”So I should,” said the soldier, ”if he had run at me with his _tail_!”

MXVI.--A TRANSPORTING SUBJECT.

THE subject for the Chancellor's English Prize Poem, for the year 1823, was _Australasia_ (New Holland). This happened to be the subject of conversation at a party of Johnians, when, some observing that they thought it a bad subject, one of the party remarked, ”It was at least a _transporting_ one.”

MXVII.--HARD-WARE.

A FEW years ago, when Handel's L'Allegro and Il Penseroso were performed at Birmingham, the pa.s.sage most admired was,--

Such notes, as warbled to the string, Drew _iron tears_ down Pluto's cheek.

The great manufacturers and mechanics of the place were inconceivably delighted with this idea, because they had never heard of anything _in iron_ before that could not be made at Birmingham.