Part 25 (2/2)
CDLVI.--A BROKEN HEAD.
”I AM the only man in Europe, sir,” said the Colonel, ”that ever had a broken head,--to live after it. I was hunting near my place in Yorks.h.i.+re; my horse threw me, and I was pitched, head-foremost, upon a scythe which had been left upon the ground. When I was taken up my head was found to be literally cut in two, and was spread over my shoulders like a pair of epaulettes. _That_ was a broken head, if you please, sir.”
CDLVII.--CALEDONIAN COMFORT.
TWO pedestrian travellers, natives of the North, had taken up their quarters for the night at a _Highland hotel_ in Breadalbane: one of them next morning complained to his friend that he had a very indifferent bed, and asked him how he had slept. ”Troth, man,” replied Donald, ”nea vera well, either; but I was muckle better aff than the _bugs_, for de'il ane of them closed an e'e the hale night!”
CDLVIII.--AN ODD FAMILY.
BLAYNEY said, in reference to several persons, all relations to each other, but who happened to have no descendants, that ”it seemed to be _hereditary_ in their family to have no children.”
CDLIX.--A LAWYER'S OPINION OF LAW.
COUNSELLOR M----T, after he retired from practice, being one day in company where the uncertainty of the law became the topic of conversation, was applied to for his opinion, upon which he laconically observed, ”If any man were to claim the _coat_ upon my back, and threaten my refusal with a lawsuit, he should certainly have it, lest in defending my _coat_ I should too late find that I was deprived of my _waistcoat_ also.”
CDLX.--BEN JONSON.
WHEN the Archbishop of York sent him from his table an excellent dish of fish, but without drink, said:--
”In a dish came fish From the arch-bis- Hop was not there, Because there was no _beer_.”
CDLXI.--UNREMITTING KINDNESS.
”CALL that a kind man,” said an actor, speaking of an absent acquaintance; ”a man who is away from his family, and never sends them a farthing! Call that kindness?”
”Yes, unremitting kindness,” Jerrold replied.
CDLXII.--KEAN'S IMPROMPTU.
AT Birmingham, one of Kean's ”benefits” was a total failure. In the last scene of the play (”A New Way to pay Old Debts”), wherein allusion is made to the marriage of a lady, ”Take her, sir,” Kean suddenly added, ”and the Birmingham _audience_ into the bargain.”
CDLXIII.--A TRUTH FOR THE LADIES.
A LEARNED doctor has given his opinion that tight lacing is a public benefit, inasmuch as it _kills off_ all the foolish girls, and leaves the wise only to grow into women.
CDLXIV.--A MARK OF RESPECT.
CONGREVE was disputing a point of fact with a man of a very positive disposition, but one who was not overburdened with sense. The latter said to him, ”If the fact is not as I have stated, I'll give you my head.”--”I accept it,” said Congreve; ”for _trifles_ show respect.”
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