Part 26 (1/2)

CDLXV.--A GRETNA CUSTOMER.

A RUNAWAY couple were married at Gretna Green. The smith demanded five guineas for his services. ”How is this?” said the bridegroom, ”the gentleman you last married a.s.sured me that he only gave you a guinea.”--”True,” said the smith, ”but _he_ was an Irishman. I have married him six times. _He is a good customer_, and _you_ I may never see again.”

CDLXVI.--LEAVING HIS VERDICT.

”I REMEMBER,” says Lord Biden, ”Mr. Justice Gould trying a case at York, and when he had proceeded for about two hours, he observed, 'Here are only eleven jurymen in the box, where is the twelfth?'--'Please you, my lord,' said one of the eleven, 'he has gone away about some other business--but _he has left his verdict with me_!'”

CDLXVII.--OVER-WISE.

IN a lecture-room of St. John's College, Cambridge, a student one morning, construing the Medea of Euripides came to the following pa.s.sage:--

[Greek: All ouk arisophos eimi.]

To which he gave the proper sense,--

”I am not _over-wise_;”

but pausing as if he doubted its correctness,--”_You_ are quite right, sir,” observed the lecturer; ”go on.”

CDLXVIII.--IMPROMPTU.

'TIS said that walls have ears; if this be true, St Stephen's walls the gift must often rue.

CDLXIX.--INDEPENDENCE.

JEMMY GORDON, the Cambridge eccentric, when he happened to be without shoes or stockings, one day came in contact with a person of very indifferent character. The gentleman, pitying his condition, told him, if he called at his house, he would give him a pair of shoes. ”Excuse me, sir,” replied Jemmy, a.s.suming a contemptuous air, ”I would not stand in _your shoes_ for all the world!”

CDLXX.--ON PRIDE.

FITSMALL, who drinks with knights and lords, To steal a share of notoriety, Will tell you in important words, He _mixes_ in the best society.

CDLXXI.--BLACK LETTER.

AN old friend of Charles Lamb having been in vain trying to make out a black-letter text of Chaucer in the Temple Library, laid down the precious volume, and with an erudite look told Lamb that ”in those old books, Charley, there is sometimes a deal of very _indifferent spelling_.”

CDLXXII.--A HIATUS.

”DID you not on going down find a _party_ in your kitchen?” asked an underbred barrister of a witness. ”A _tea-party_, Mr. ----?” mildly interposed Judge Maule.

CDLXXIII.--A REASONABLE REQUEST.

AN officer advising his general to capture a post, said: ”It will only cost a few men.”--”Will _you_ make one of the few?” remarked the general.

CDLXXIV.--A STRIKING POINT.