Part 14 (1/2)
”What is the charge, Officer?”
”Two charges, Mr McPane Layin' in bed and tryin' soocide”
A smile of satanic satisfaction slowly spreads over the Deputy's wizened face The long, heavy fingers of his right hand work convulsively, as if druinary board
”Yes, hes Hm, hm How did he try to, hm, hm, to commit suicide?”
”With this spoon, Mr McPane Sharp as a razor”
”Yes, he as, h suicide in this institution Sharpened spoon, hrave offence I'll see about that later For breaking the rules, h in bed out of hours, hm, hm, three days Take him down, Officer
He will, hm, hm, cool off”
I am faint and weary A sense of utter indifference possesseshts, half undressinger and fall on the flagstones of the dungeon
The cell is filled with light It hurtsover me
”A bit feverish Better take him to the cell”
”Hm, hm, Doctor, he is in punishment”
”Not safe, Mr McPane”
”We'll postpone it, then Hm, hm, take his seem paralyzed They refuse to h corridors and halls, and then thrown heavily on a bed
I feel so weak Perhaps I shall die now It would be best But I have no weapon! They have taken away the spoon There is nothing in the cell that I could use These iron bars--I could beat ainst them
But oh! it is such a horrible death My skull would break, and the brains ooze out But the bars are sht only crack, and I should be too weak to strike again If I only had a revolver; that is the easiest and quickest I've always thought I'd prefer such a death--to be shot The barrel close to the temple--one couldn't miss Some people have done it in front of a mirror But I have no h the mouth it is also fatal That Moscow student--Russov was his nah the mouth Of course, he was foolish to kill hie How coolly he hadthat his gold watch be given to the landlady, because--he wrote--after passing through his brain, the bullet e the wall Wonderful! It actually happened that way I saw the bullet imbedded in the wall near the sofa, and Ivan lay so still and peaceful, I thought he was asleep I had often seen him like that in my brother's study, after our lessons What a splendid tutor he was! I liked him from the first, when mother introduced him: ”Sasha, Ivan Nikolaievitch will be your instructor in Latin during vacation tiripped it so powerfully, like a vise But I was glad I didn't cry out I ad and manly to have such a handshake Mother smiled when I told her about it Her hand pained her too, she said Sister blushed a little
”Rather energetic,” she observed And Maxim felt so happy over the favorable ie chulee; ”Ivan Nikolaievitch _molodetz_![10] Think of it, he's only twenty Graduates next year The youngest alumnus since the foundation of the university _Molodetz_!” But how red were Maxiht the bullet ho it out, with his own hands, from the wall of Ivan Nikolaievitch's room At dinner he opened the little box, unwrapped the cotton, an I showed me the bullet Sister went into hysterics, and mamma called Max a brute ”For a woht he was foolish to take his life on account of a woman I felt a little disappointed: Ivan Nikolaievitch should have been more manly
They all said she was very beautiful, the acknowledged belle of Kovno
She was tall and stately, but I thought she walked too stiffly; she see to talk of such things How shocked she would have been had she known that I was in love with Nadya, my sister's chum And I had kissed our chambermaid, too Dear little Rosa,--I rehtened, I wouldn't come to dinner Mao till Rosa proirl, with those red-apple cheeks How kind she was! But the little imp couldn't keep the secret She told Tatanya, the cook of our neighbor, the Latin instructor at the gyirl Before the whole class, too I wished the floor would open and s me I was so mortified
[10] Clever, brave lad
How far off it all seems Centuries away I wonder what has become of her Where is Rosa now? Why, she otten,--Ion the stoop of the tenement house where I boarded I had then been only a fewlady passed by She looked up at me, then turned and ascended the steps ”Don't you know nize ht I had never before seen this beautiful, stylish young woman She invited me into the hallway ”Don't tell these people here I am Rosa Don't you remember? Why, you knoas your mother's--your mother's maid” She blushed violently Those red cheeks--why, certainly, it's Rosa! I thought of the stolen kiss ”Would I dare it now?” I wondered, suddenly conscious of my shabby clothes She seeed! She looked the very _barishnya_,[11] like my sister ”Is your mother here?” she asked ”Mother? She died, just before I left” I glanced apprehensively at her Did she remember that terrible scene when mother struck her? ”I didn't know about your listened in her eye The dear girl, always generous-hearted I ought to make amends to her for mother's insult We looked at each other in eloved hand
Very large, I thought; red, too, probably ”Good-bye, _Gospodin_[12]
Berkain soon Please don't tell these people who I auilt and shame _Gospodin_ Berkman--somehow it echoed the servile _barinya_[13] hich the domestics used to address otten over it Too irl She has not becos; she is conservative, no doubt She was so ignorant, she could not even read Perhaps she has learned in this country Now she will read about me, and she'll kno I died Oh, I haven't the spoon! What shall I do, what shall I do? I can't live I couldn't stand this torture Perhaps if I had seven years, I would try to serve the sentence But I couldn't, anyhow I ht live here a year, or two But twenty-tenty-two years! What is the use?
No man could survive it It's terrible, twenty-two years! Their cursed justice--they always talk of law Yet legally I shouldn't have gotten ality”
They wanted to make an example of me Of course, I knew it beforehand; but if I had seven years--perhaps I h it; I would try