173 Fear (2/2)
”Why?” Her trembling voice repeated once again in a soft whisper. Her voice was trembling at a greater degree than before and the sounds of sobbing were blatantly obvious now as she seemed to have given up trying to contain it all. ”Why do you always come back no matter how hard I try and push you away?!”
She looked over at me with teardrop crystals that are her tears climbing down her cheeks. Her white hair and pale skin, when combined with the sight of her tears, made her appear extremely cold and fragile, yet I know that was simply not true. Luna is the direct opposite of all that. She's so powerful, so full of energy, and so warm, that it was simply not what one would expect from this girl that slowly approaches a cadaverous state. But, as someone who had witnessed it all, I can speak by experience, can swear it all upon my very existence, that she was like that. Yet...it would appear that the lively and energetic Luna has already taken a step into her grave and will never be able to be revived, even with the aid of medicine. This Luna that I am seeing right now, the pale and frail appearance, that is the extent of illusion that medicine could maintain now...
My body started trembling slightly as she gazed into my eyes with her teary eyes. My formerly wavering mind that vacillated about in regards to what it was that I was after slowly came to a compromise and settled down on a decision that is made by my subconsciousness. After this is decided, there's no changing it anymore.
”Why Alevian?” She wept and spoke in a voice that must've placed a severe strain on her throat as she wailed and complained to me. ”Why do you keep coming back?”
She buried her face into her hands, weeping as the facade that she had erected broke down from the weathering and battering. What was on display before me was Luna herself.
”How am I supposed to die now when you keep coming back?” she wailed. Her voice was slightly muffled as she had her face covered with her hands. ”How am I supposed to go when you're always here and making me want to stay?”
”...” I sat there and observed her, in shock from what she had just revealed to me. My heart trembled greatly as she revealed to me her true thoughts, allowing me to peer into her mind for the first time since we've met. Oh, the horror...
”Alevian,” she whispered as her body forced her to stop due to its inability to continue to exert that energy. ”I'm scared... I don't want to go... I—”
Her words suddenly stopped when I got up from my seat without thinking and pulled her into my embrace. With her head resting against my chest, I held her in my arms as my hands kept her near as they pressed against her back through the soft, material of the hospital gown.
With her in my arms, the trembling of her body slowly came to a stop. The tears in her eyes wetted my shirt, but I didn't care. My embrace locked her close to me. Her body was still soft, yet not as much as prior as she must've lost some weight during her stay in the hospital. In addition, her body wasn't as warm as prior. Yet, the person I had in my arms is the same Luna that I know. This natural fragrance of her body...it's something that nothing could mask.
”Alevian,” Luna whispered as she pressed her head against my chest. Her sobbing had stopped now as it would appear that my embrace was able to soothe her trembling mind. ”I don't want to die...”
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”The fear of the end had always lingered in the depths of my heart, but I kept it concealed from myself. Yet, it was the same boy who I had hoped to serve as a distraction for me that revived that fear along with this other feeling in my heart. He gave me the desire to live on. He made me fear death once again.”
~Luna M. Frostblume