121 A Lone Tear (2/2)
”You know I never thought that it was possible but the world feels darker and lonely without you. ”
Her thoughts become more incoherent the more she thinks about it and it takes all her willpower to continue – to say the words that she has been suppressing for close to a year now.
She has to force out the next words out of her mouth.
”I miss you every day, all day. Most days it's even a chore to go about my day without the assurance of your warm presence beside me. Sometimes I turn around to joke or ask your opinion and it is only then that I realise that I will never have the joy of having you watch my back and protect me again.”
Long forgotten memories that she had buried deep inside her heart and mind so as to not think about them rise in waves.
Those precious few memories of when they had both been truly happy to be with each other run in circles in her mind's eye.
When she hadn't been pushing him away in her misguided attempt to keep him safe from Yu Yan's schemes and he had been free to talk to her as a trusted person by her side.
Tonight, there is no breeze but Su Li still feels chilled – body, mind and soul and hugs herself as if trying to ward off that chill.
But she knows it's impossible for her to truly feel warm because it is not the chilliness of the wind that troubles her on most nights.
No, it's the stark, bone-deep loneliness she feels.
Her heart and life feel empty and hollow without him.
When she had first accepted the system's task, she had never thought that she would fall in love with someone and then lose them.
She whispers, ”I wish you were here. You know it's funny how everyone sees me as this paragon of virtue and they sing my praises. I have heard the whispers but they don't know the truth, do they? Ha! If they only knew what's inside my heart.”
Su Li gives a wan smile at that.
”If they only knew that the monarch they so look up to wouldn't blink an eye to give up this entire dynasty to have few precious moments with you – even if only a handful of snatched moments, I would do it in a heartbeat.”
With a watery chuckle, she continues.Find authorized novels in Webnovel，faster updates, better experience，Please click visiting.
”Most of them think that I place my subjects above all else. Ha! How naive of them, isn't it? To be honest, I should understand that with my position, I should put the dynasty and my subjects above all else. After all, that's only fair.”
Su Li clenched her hands into fists.
”However, how can I do that when I don't even have a heart? All the organ does is pump blood to my body but the emotions that make a person truly human seem to be missing. It's as if my heart has frozen over and nothing can thaw it.”