122 Ning Fus Decision To Help The Monarch (1/2)

Su Li chuckles self-deprecatingly.

”I wish you were here to talk to me, to hold me in your arms, to let me be unreasonable, to fulfil all my demands – even the unreasonable ones.”

At this point, Su Li recalls the conversation she had with him before they were unceremoniously kidnapped.

Though it breaks her heart to think about the events that took place after that, the conversation they had in the car brings a bittersweet smile on her face.

”You never liked my cooking and I think I knew I was bad at it. But you never complained about it and would simply eat everything that I had cooked, even if it was unpalatable.”

Thinking about it, she blinks away her tears

She tries to hold back her tears with all her might.

Su Li doesn't want to cry.

She sucks in huge gulps of air as if trying to suck back all her emotions, wanting to put them all behind the walls and barricades she had painstakingly built inside her heart.

She wants all those emotions to go back behind those walls and leave her feeling cold, empty and detached.

However, in the end, her breath catches in her throat and she knows she can't hold onto the pain, anger, misery and sorrow any longer.

A lone tear trickles down her face and a small sob escapes her before she can choke it back inside her throat.

She swallows the rest of the words because she can't continue on.

They are too painful to voice and she tries to not let the stinging sensation in her eyes and the lump in her throat overwhelm her but it's an exercise in futility.

She blinks her eyes rapidly and tries to hide her shaking hands in the folds of her sleeves and when that doesn't seem to work; she pushes the palms against her eyes in an attempt to assuage the feelings that seem ready to overwhelm her.

Finally, she takes a swig from a wine jar that she had brought along with her tonight.

”You really would hate to see how I have let go of myself, wouldn't you? I really wish you would come back and scold me for it. Ha! It feels like I have turned into a world-class alcoholic and masochist.”