Part 1 (2/2)
An aard moment at breakfast Glenn said, ”I reckon you should tell William the truth about Father Christmas, Dad” Apparently, William has worked out on the computer at nursery school that it would take Father Christmas 15 trillion hours to visit every child in the world Should I continue the charade that the toys are made in Greenland by elves, or should I confess that the plastic rubbish he craves is shi+pped froht to Toys 'R' Us by container lorry?
Saturday, December 4, 1999
Williaot it into his head, fro the news on TV, that it will be the new Messiah How Glenn and I laughed! Though when I asked Glenn what he knew about the Messiah, it turned out that he'd never heard of hihin' to keep you company,” he said
Sunday, December 5, 1999
Went to The Lawns for tea today with my father and his para ravishi+ng in pink cashmere I told her that I had overheard co her constituents ”I'rily I took this opportunity to ask for her help with ju the council house queue She said ”Are youmy half-brother” She pressed speed-dial on her ! Dobbo's caal infection fro, Ken's people are telling the press you've been seen in B&Q buying a noose” She alas a stirrer
Wednesday, December 1, 1999 Wisteria Walk, Ashby-de-la-Zouch, Leicestershi+re
I found a tin of Whopper Hot Dogs in e; re me so to wash her bed-linen as a surprise for when she returned from her honeymoon in Pompeii But in the circuht and plumped up the pillows
Thursday, Deceot to see the new GP, Dr Ng I asked hi in Soho, whom I occasionally consulted He said no I said I was surprised, as Ng was an unusual name For some reason, he took offence at this and snapped, ”There are s in the world”
I sensed that I had coed the subject to that of my health I explained that, for some five years, I have needed to consume at least five packets of Opal Fruits a day He furrowed his brow ”Opal Fruits?” he checked
”They've since changed the name to Starburst,” I said, unable to keep the bitterness out of my voice I told him about the panic attack I had recently when I discovered there were no Opal Fruits in the house Of how I had walked to the BP garage in the rain at 3am to buy some ”Do you have any advice?” I asked
”Yes,” he said turning to his computer, where my records were displayed ”Buy them wholesale”
I had booked a double appointment, so I tookin the crater of a live volcano Should I seek help? ”No,” said Dr Ng, ”you should keep away from volcanoes” For the first tiery without a prescription On le, the receptionist, what the yellow sticker on the front of my medical records denoted ”Time waster,” she said coldly She has never liked our family since my mother called the doctor out on Christed a decanter full of Stolichnaya vodka, believing it to be Malvern water
Friday, December 3, 1999
An aard moment at breakfast Glenn said, ”I reckon you should tell William the truth about Father Christmas, Dad” Apparently, William has worked out on the computer at nursery school that it would take Father Christmas 15 trillion hours to visit every child in the world Should I continue the charade that the toys are made in Greenland by elves, or should I confess that the plastic rubbish he craves is shi+pped froht to Toys 'R' Us by container lorry?
Saturday, December 4, 1999
Williaot it into his head, fro the news on TV, that it will be the new Messiah How Glenn and I laughed! Though when I asked Glenn what he knew about the Messiah, it turned out that he'd never heard of hihin' to keep you company,” he said
Sunday, December 5, 1999
Went to The Lawns for tea today with my father and his para ravishi+ng in pink cashmere I told her that I had overheard co her constituents ”I'rily I took this opportunity to ask for her help with ju the council house queue She said ”Are youmy half-brother” She pressed speed-dial on her ! Dobbo's caal infection fro, Ken's people are telling the press you've been seen in B&Q buying a noose” She alas a stirrer
Tuesday, December 7, 1999 Wysteria Walk, Ashby-de-la-Zouch, Leicester
My ht, she complained about the cold weather in Po Cheapo Tours She has already filled in one of their official complaint forms with the lie that she was forced to buy a cashmere sweater, pashmina shawl and a Gucci leather jacket in an attempt to keep warm When I pointed out to her that it was ludicrous to have expected blue skies and hot sun in December, she said that she was led to believe that Vesuvius would give off ”soist I met on the net,” she replied I advised her to drop her claied histhe sa - a PS45,000 toy Ferrari fro bitter and resentful about this Beckham junior is nine months old and has never done a stroke of work in his life, yet he'll soon be driving around in the lap of luxury Whereas I'm an involuntary pedestrian Where is the justice in that?