23 THE LONG, IMPOSING AND KISSABLE DREAM (1/2)

They say once bitten, twice shy. Hua Zhendan had been careful this time. He had loved every minute of the sex but he had been careful to not overthink it or believe it was more than sex.

When Xuan Tianyi had invited him to join him in the bathroom, he had refused. He had also expected him to dress up and leave again once he had taken his bath. But Xuan Tianyi didn't. This time, he had stayed.

When Hua Zhendan had stepped into the bathroom, he had accepted the fact that Xuan Tianyi might sneak out before he was done taking a bath.

When he finished taking a bath and saw Xuan Tianyi still lying there, he had resisted the urge to lay next to him.

When Xuan Tianyi had sidled up to him after he lay down, before he had closed his eyes, he had made sure to warn his heart to not believe this was a happily ever after. Xuan Tianyi would be gone by morning.

When he had opened his eyes in the morning to find that Xuan Tianyi wasn't there, he had smiled. He wasn't hurt or disappointed this time around, he had expected it. This time around, he hadn't hoped. How can you get disappointed if you don't hope?

As he got up to take his shower, he noticed it. Xuan Tianyi's clothes were all over the floor. That would mean Xuan Tianyi didn't leave, wouldn't it?

With furrowed brows, Hua Zhendan made his way to the living room and saw Xuan Tianyi at the kitchen. He was serving something he had just prepared into a bowl.

When Xuan Tianyi saw him, he smiled at him and said softly, ”Good morning.”

”You're still here?” Hua Zhendan asked, his lack of enthusiasm overshadowing his surprise.

”Did you want me to leave?” Xuan Tianyi asked with a smile that irritated Hua Zhendan mildly.

”What are you doing?” Hua Zhendan asked. Looking at Xuan Tianyi quizzically.

Xuan Tianyi looked at the bowl on the kitchen counter and the empty pot he had just dropped. He was sure it was obvious to any simpleton that he had made breakfast. He didn't mind pointing it out to Hua Zhendan though. ”Made you breakfast.”

”What?” Hua Zhendan was confused. He had expected Xuan Tianyi to sneak out of his room at the first break of dawn, but the idiot was standing in his kitchen. Making stupid...

”Noodles?” the smell of wonton noodle soup with chicken and shiitakes wafted into his nostrils.

”It's the only thing I know how to cook.” Xuan Tianyi replied as he set both bowls of noodles on the dining table.

The idiot was in his kitchen, making stupid noodles. It was honestly more believable to Hua Zhendan to think that he was in a dream than to accept that any of this was happening. Perhaps, even last night was a part of that dream.

Xuan Tianyi walked up to him, gave him a small kiss on the side of his face, held his hand and said, ”I was going to bring you breakfast in bed, but you're already awake so, let's go eat.”

That small kiss on his cheek, the way Xuan Tianyi held his hand, breakfast in bed... All of that was shockingly familiar. Was he so in love with Xuan Tianyi that he had imagined him so vividly and even projected Qiu Dawei's good characteristics unto him or was Xuan Tianyi really here and all of this was happening?

Hua Zhendan felt dizzy from trying to deconstruct his reality.

”What's wrong?” Xuan Tianyi stared at him with the concern of a lover, causing warmth to spread in Hua Zhendan's chest. Confusing him even more.

Hua Zhendan pulled his hands out of Xuan Tianyi's grasp. Shaking his head, he lamented, ”I can't do this.”

”You can't do... Hey, where are you going?”

Before Xuan Tianyi could react, Hua Zhendan had already walked away.

Xuan Tianyi heard Hua Zhendan's bedroom door close, followed by a shuffling sound that told him Hua Zhendan was going back to bed.

***

When Hua Zhendan opened his eyes, he realized that Xuan Tianyi was laying next to him. His head propped up on an arm, staring into his face. At this point, Hua Zhendan realized he really wasn't dreaming. No dream could possibly be this long, imposing and kissable. If he seriously wanted to kiss Xuan Tianyi, all he had to do was lean into those plump lips that smiled at him beautifully. But of course, he wouldn't do that. Lacking the energy to be irritated, he sighed. ”Are you still here?”

”Unless you ask me to, I'm not going anywhere.” Xuan Tianyi stated in a matter of fact manner.

Hua Zhendan lay back on the bed, closed his eyes and sighed again. He couldn't give in to Xuan Tianyi's sweet words. He just couldn't.

”Why didn't you tell me?”

Hua Zhendan frowned and with his eyes still closed, asked, ”Tell you what?”

”About us. And that night.”

”What should I have said?” Hua Zhendan opened his eyes and turned to his side so he was facing Xuan Tianyi. ”Hey, there was this one time we fucked and you didn't have the decency to spend the night with me or give me a call afterwards. Or even remember me.”

Xuan Tianyi smiled and ran a finger along Hua Zhendan's chin. ”Is that why you're so mad at me? Because I didn't spend the night with you, aren't you too much of a girl?”

Hua Zhendan's frown deepened. He swatted Xuan Tianyi's finger. ”Who's mad at you?”

Xuan Tianyi chuckled. ”You can't say you're not mad. You treated me so badly. Even had me arrested.”

”I—”

”Shh,” Xuan Tianyi placed his pointer Hua Zhendan's lips to silence him. ”Don't worry about it. I don't hold grudges. At least, not against the people I love.”

”Don't say things like that so casually,” Hua Zhendan swatted his hand again. ”It's just going to piss me off. And you don't want to piss me off.”

”I know that now. But I'm serious. I like you a lot.”

”I think I'm just going to go back to bed,” Hua Zhendan turned his back to Xuan Tianyi.

”About that night... I really had to go. I've always spent the Chinese New Year eve with Xuan Tianmei. We only have each other and I can't live with the thought of leaving her alone.”

When Hua Zhendan didn't reply, Xuan Tianyi said, ”I really like you, Zhendan. Go out with me?”

”No.”

”Don't say no. I know I have a bad record in your eyes because of that night but I'm really not like that.”