Part 16 (1/2)

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”Tell me why,” she pleaded.

”No, Tai,” he said softly, ”Tell us why.”

”Because I lived through it,” she said. ”And because I am here.”

Dr. Pelchat said, ”You said it. Not me, not Dr. Bent, not anyone else. You said it, Tai.”

Geoffrey pa.s.sed Tai a box of tissues. Tai wiped her eyes and smiled at Dr. Pelchat. Janine smiled and gave her a warm hug.

Dr. Pelchat looked over at Rocky and said, ”Are you impressed? Does she have a better story?”

Rocky didn't look at Dr. Pelchat. He kept his eyes down, looking at his hands as he rubbed them together.

Geoffrey cleared his throat and leaned forward. He saw that Rocky was not going to respond, so he said, ”Hey Rocky, I know that it seems like we're busting your chops here. The thing is that we don't encourage illegal drug use. You can't come in here and use drugs or offer them to other people. If you are caught doing either of those things, you will be sent to jail. We don't want that. We want you here so that you can actually get some help.”

Rocky sat still, looking at Geoffrey as he spoke. When Geoffrey finished, Rocky's hard expression had slightly disappeared. He seemed humbled. It was probably because Geoffrey was being nice about it.

After that episode, Dr. Pelchat turned his attention to me. When he looked at me, I felt my insides squirm uncomfortably. He had this look. It was a different look than earlier. It was more stern and intimidating. I didn't like it.

”You're Kristen,” he said. He must have been going through a Cadence syndrome. He seemed to like messing with the new people. ”What drugs do you take?”

I looked at him, confused. ”I'm sorry, I don't do drugs,” I said.

”Sure you do,” he said with a weird smile. ”Every patient in here does drugs.”

”I don't know what you-”

He cut me off from talking. ”What drugs, as in medications, do you take, Kristen?” he clarified.

”Risperdol.”

”Oh, okay,” he said. ”Impressive.”

Rocky rolled his eyes.

”Very impressive,” Dr. Pelchat continued. ”Is it for schizophrenia?”

”No!” I almost shouted, but said with an angry tone.

”Why did you say it like that?” Cadence asked me. ”You're not better than me!”

”Calm down, Cadence,” Geoffrey said.

”Okay, so what about that?” Dr. Pelchat pressed on. ”Why are you on Risperdol?”

I looked around the room. Everyone was staring at me. I guess it was Dr. Pelchat's turn to gang up on me now.

”I didn't mean anything by saying-”

”Risperdol is used to treat paranoia. It can also help with its symptoms, such as racing thoughts, delusions, and other symptoms depending on the dosage,” Dr. Pelchat said. ”If you think that you're just using Risperdol to get a good night's sleep, then that's far off. Moreover, if your doctor is letting you believe that that's all you need it for, then he's not giving you the right information. Kristen, I'm not that kind of doctor. I am going to give you the whole truth of it all.”

He's right, I thought. He's not that kind of doctor. He's a jerk.

”Before being put on medicine - an anti-psychotic, like Risperdol - symptoms of schizophrenia may be obviously present in someone,” he concluded. ”I'm not telling you that you are schizophrenic, Kristen. I'm not your doctor, and we haven't spent enough counseling sessions together for me to know that about you. I can't diagnose you. My point to you and everyone in here is that it is important that you know and understand your drugs. You need to know what your doctors are giving you. I know that there's a nurse behind that counter with a big medication dictionary, and she'll let you read it, but that's not enough. You have to become educated.

”If you want real answers, you need to ask real questions. Talk to your doctors about what they are shoving down your throat, and why you have to take it. Don't be afraid. Because I'll tell you this, if you mess around and don't ask questions, you can get on the wrong medicine and can end up with some longterm, damaging effects. The wrong medicine can do the wrong job. For many people it only makes life worse. Most of the people that you hear about are in longterm, psychiatric facilities. These are places where they lock them up and sometimes throw away the key. Some of them are there because people have given up on them.

”A few of these people are there because their brains are so fried from drugs. Not just the illegal drugs, but drugs prescribed by their doctors, right along with countless numbers of misdiagnoses. These people sit in these hospitals with no chance at a real life. They are there until the day that they die. Most of them are already dead.

So, you think that most of you want to die now, use illegal drugs, and abuse your current medications that your doctors give you. Just mess up one time and see what happens. There are worse things than death, and there are worse things than living with the problems that you have now. One of those things is being alive while you are already dead, just like those people.”

CHAPTER 17.

Visiting hours were after lunch on Sat.u.r.days. Janine's father and little brother came to visit her, as she had said they would. Daniel's mother and grandmother came to visit him. Cadence had an older sister visit her. She brought with her new clothes for Cadence. Chris' mother and his big brother came to visit him.

No one came to visit Rocky, because his doctor had not approved visitors for him yet. Rocky went to his room, angry and wiping at his tears, when everyone's visitors arrived. I sat at a table in the main room with Tai. Tai didn't have any visitors, either, and she didn't seem too surprised.

She told me, ”Why should I expect him to come visit me on his only day off of work? It's the only day that he has to spend time with her.”

Someone called out to me. I turned around in my seat, and I saw a beautiful woman standing by the counselor's desk, leaning over and looking back at me. My insides felt like my skin, and my bones wouldn't hold. Tears came out of my eyes before my arms were around Lexus. My mother grabbed me and hugged me before I was out of Lexus' arms. I tried to wipe the tears away before we all pulled apart.

”Hi,” Lexus said with a smile. ”It's good to see you.”

She probably didn't know what to say in a situation like this. Yes, she was visiting a friend in a hospital, but under the circ.u.mstances, ”I hope you get well soon” wasn't quite fitting for the occasion. A nice, ”Hi, it's good to see you” did just fine.

”It's good to see you too, Lexus,” I said.

My mother looked at me and grabbed my arm, nearly knocking Lexus out of her way. She gave my arm a pinch and smiled so much that it seemed fake. It scared me a little because I had never seen her try so hard to seem pleasant.

”Where do we sit?” she asked me.

I led them over to the sitting area in the main room. It seemed like, when Lexus entered the room, it lit up. Everyone was staring at her. She was so beautiful. Chris offered his chair to Lexus, even though there were plenty of empty ones around. She said, ”No, thank you,” and we settled for the table in the far corner of the room, where Tai and I had been sitting together.

Tai rose up out of her chair as we approached the table. She looked at Lexus strangely and said, ”Who's this?”

”This is my mother and my best friend,” I told her.

Still looking at Lexus, Tai raised her eyebrows. Her expression made her look like she was shocked by what I had said. She quickly readjusted this expression, and smiled slightly, curling her lip up on one side.

”Nice to meet you,” Tai said to Lexus. Then she turned away from us and walked to the Girls' Unit.

Lexus frowned and said, ”I can't stay too long. I have to help my mom and dad out with party planning. I just wanted to come see you today.”

”I'm glad you came,” I told her.

”My mom and dad say h.e.l.lo, and they said that they will try to come visit you soon.”