Part 15 (1/2)

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”I bet you feel a lot better,” she said, startling me.

”Yes I do,” I replied.

”Did the nurse help you?”

”No. Ms. Mosley helped me.”

She scrunched up her face. ”Eww. Did she hurt you?”

”Why would she do that?” I asked.

Janine looked at me as if I should know the answer to that question.

”Because she's an evil wench,” she answered.

I looked away from her. I didn't believe that anymore. Ms. Mosley seemed like the best person in this place besides Dr. Cuvo. I finished getting dressed and then sat down on the bed. I looked over at Janine. She was peeking out at me from under her pink blanket.

”Do you remember when you first got your period?” she suddenly asked. That question seemed to come unexpectedly.

Not really knowing if I should respond, I pushed myself to answer. ”Sure,” I said.

”I do, too,” she told me. ”I don't think that's something we forget.”

”No,” I agreed. ”That's not something girls forget.”

”Where were you when you found out you had it?”

”I was at home.” Even though I answered her, I wasn't too comfortable going on about it, but I kept quiet to let her speak.

”You were lucky,” she went on. ”I was at school. But no one knew about me. I felt so scared that everyone would find out, though. Back when I was in fifth grade, a girl in our cla.s.s got her period before all of the other girls. Her name was Kristen, just like you. She was the first girl in our cla.s.s to get her period. I felt so bad for her because she didn't have any privacy. Every time she raised her hand to ask the teacher if she could use a bathroom pa.s.s, the other girls in the cla.s.sroom would say that they had to go, too. Only three could go at a time, so the teacher sent two other girls off with her. Then, when she had to go again, the other girls who hadn't gotten a chance asked to go. It was like they all were taking turns going whenever Kristen would go, so that they could watch her or something.”

”That's really sad.” I felt devastated, and this wasn't even my story.

”Yeah, I know.” Janine sat up and continued. ”I feel guilty because I let curiosity get to me too. One day I went to the bathroom with Kristen and another girl named Ca.s.sie. Ca.s.sie had already followed Kristen to the bathroom a few times before. Since I hadn't had a turn, the other girls agreed that I should go to see what it looked like. When we were in the bathroom, Ca.s.sie told me to wait until Kristen went into the stall, and then she made me go into the one next to Kristen. When we could hear Kristen opening the plastic wrapper, we climbed up on top of the toilet and then leaned over the stall.”

I stayed silent and listened in revulsion.

”Kristen saw me looking down at her while she changed her tampon. It was b.l.o.o.d.y and gross, and the look on her face was frightful. She looked like she was going to cry.”

It did not amaze me to hear how cruel these girls were to this pitiable Kristen. Nor was it shocking to hear that Janine had been sucked into it herself. The girls had been curious, mean, and selfish. They were just like the girls I had gone to school with. That Kristen hadn't stood a chance if she had told someone. Perhaps she'd told a best friend in confidence that she had gotten her period, with hope that her friend would keep her secret. That Kristen obviously had been betrayed.

Not wanting to hear any more of the torturous menstruation stories about this other Kristen, I looked away from Janine and lay down on my back. Staring up at the ceiling, I tried to divert my thoughts away from the topic by searching for Mr. Sharp in my head.

”Are you going back to sleep?” she asked.

Annoyed, I said, ”I don't know.”

I could not reach him without my b.u.t.terfly. I began to feel lonely, and the thought of poor Kristen in that bathroom stall would not go away. All I could picture was a little girl's face looking up from a bathroom stall and crying. I imagined her to look like what I used to look like in the fifth grade. We had the same sad eyes and frown.

”You should know that Sat.u.r.days are the best day here. We get to sleep until eight-thirty, and we all get to have breakfast on the unit with everyone. We can watch TV and talk on the phone longer. It's kind of like a free day. If you get to Level Three, you can leave the unit, do your laundry, and go outside. The only thing that sucks is that we still have group meetings.”

I nodded. A few minutes of complete silence went by until Janine finally started speaking again. I was just getting comfortable and was trying to fall back to sleep.

”Is your Mom coming to visit today?”

”I don't know.”

Janine sighed. ”My dad is coming. He's going to bring my little brother.”

”That's nice,” I said.

”Daniel might be going home because he has a family session,” she said. ”That is going to suck if he leaves.” Janine rolled over on her side, turning away from me.

I closed my eyes, remembering the way he had looked at her when he wiped the caramel from her chin. Then I pictured Lexus and John. I had to open my eyes quickly to stop myself. When I opened my eyes, Janine turned on her side, faced me, and stared at me strangely.

”Are you okay?”

”I am fine,” I told her.

She frowned and said, ”Do you like Daniel?”

I didn't answer.

”Can you believe he doesn't have a girlfriend? He used to have a girlfriend, but she like killed herself or something. It was stupid. If I was with Daniel, I wouldn't feel the need to kill myself.”

”Do you have a boyfriend?” I asked.

She smiled and looked up at the ceiling.

”Sometimes,” she said while still smiling.

Of course, you do, I thought to myself.

”I am really glad we get to sleep late on Sat.u.r.days.”

Janine closed her eyes. She turned away from me, and this time she didn't open her mouth again. Getting that last hour of sleep wasn't hard for me. I couldn't stop thinking, but I was able to drift off in my thoughts. It felt good to be clean on the outside, but I still felt sick inside.

CHAPTER 16.

Eight-thirty came faster than the minute I had closed my eyes and fallen asleep. It felt like only two minutes had pa.s.sed since I had closed my eyes when Ms. Mosley came in to wake us up. She gently tugged at my fingers, and I heard her calling my name. I opened my eyes and saw her deep brown eyes looking down at me.

When she saw that I was awake, she smiled and said, ”It's time to get up.”

I lifted myself out of bed. I looked down at my body, remembering earlier this morning when Ms. Mosley had helped me clean up. I saw the black and blue bruises on my arms, and quickly threw a sweater over them. It was a normal habit to cover my bruises and scars since Mr. Sharp had come into my life. I looked over and noticed that Janine was not in the room. She wasn't in the bathroom either.

”Come on,” Ms. Mosley hurried.