Part 3 (2/2)

The fact is almost no one loves what he or she is doing today. But no one, other than those who work for the money, seems willing to admit it outside of my office, or his or her therapist's office. What's so good about being a loyal soldier at work? Loyalty cuts both ways, and most employers haven't shown loyalty to their employees for decades. People today need to be free lances, not loyal soldiers; they do their best for their employer, but their prime loyalty has to be to themselves. (See the box above: Be Like a Real Free Lance.) Those who put the company's interests ahead of their own are just as likely to be terminated...and less likely to get reemployed quickly. Those who work for the money are plenty ambitious. It's just that their ambition isn't to move up the ladder, it's to be happy.

I ask you, isn't it crazy to spend most of your time doing something you don't love and for which you get little reward, when you could be spending that time doing something you do love and from which you'd get tremendous satisfaction? My message is to work as long as you must to do your job and collect your paycheck, and then go home and have a life.7 Not just any life, by the way, but have the life of which you've always dreamed. Not just any life, by the way, but have the life of which you've always dreamed.

7. Worried your boss won't let you have time to have a life? After putting in practice the techniques I'll offer in subsequent chapters, you'll be able to work from nine to five...and still be your boss's most valued employee.

Killing Your Career In order to kill your career and get the life of your dreams you need to expand on the self-a.n.a.lysis you did a bit earlier in this chapter. Turn back to the page on which you've described and then expanded on the reason you work. Flip the paper over, and across the top of the page write, Ways to Get What I Want. Next, start listing all the various ways you can think of to obtain the goal you've determined is your reason for working. Don't censor yourself. Be as open-minded and freethinking as you can. This isn't a test and there are no right or wrong answers. Right now you're looking for multiple options, not a single solution.

I'd love to help you think outside the box and come up with fresh ideas, but obviously that's impossible in a book. Instead, why not turn to your family and friends for help? Pick people you know will be supportive of your goals, rather than someone who's likely to shoot you down because of jealousy or some preconceived notions of who you should be and what you should do. For instance, if your mother criticizes your every move, don't go to her for help in brainstorming. Choose your supportive friend instead.

Set aside a specific time for this conversation, perhaps after taking the person out to dinner or having her over for a home-cooked meal. That will ensure you get her undivided attention and she'll feel a bit compelled to help you, since you've just fed her.

For an idea of how those dialogues could go let's go back through the examples I used earlier and see what those individuals came up with in their conversations with me. I'll take their stories through to the conclusion to show you what kind of successes are possible by killing your career. However, you don't need to get that far along right now. Instead, focus on coming up with what you think is a surefire way to achieve your goal.

Earning Respect Off the Job Julius Jackson determined he worked for respect. In particular, he wanted the respect of the African American community. While his position as an executive officer in the doormen's union was inarguably deserving of respect, it obviously wasn't providing Julius with the satisfaction he wanted. He and I worked together for hours on the telephone coming up with other ways he could get the respect he wanted. He jokingly told me he was too old (and short) for the NBA and couldn't carry a tune or dance a lick, so sports and entertainment were out. Julius wasn't much of a churchgoer, so he ruled out becoming active in a congregation. Getting politically active was one possibility, since he'd developed a number of political contacts over the years. The idea that seemed to strike the loudest chord was getting involved in charitable service. After a few months of exploration Julius joined the board of the local youth bureau in the New Jersey city where he lived. Drawing on his contacts with the building trades and local landlords, he eventually established a summer jobs and apprentices.h.i.+p program for local youth. Today, Julius is still an officer of the union, but he's happier than ever. His work with the youth bureau has won him kudos from the community. And he recently learned he will be honored as man of the year by a local chapter of Kappa Alpha Psi, an African American service-oriented fraternity.

Finding Security Away from Work Andy Welessa knew right away that he worked for security. With three children and a fourth on the way, and a good but not great job as a product manager with a consumer electronics firm, the thirty-nine-year-old Andy knew he wasn't likely to achieve the kind of financial security possible for peers with smaller families. He told me his real drive was the physical security of his wife and children. Andy and I brainstormed about what he could to achieve that security. He could send his children to private schools or move his family into a different part of New York. The family could also make a more dramatic move to an area Andy perceived as safer. That's what the Welessas did eighteen months after Andy first came to see me. Andy arranged a transfer within his company to a job as a manager at an a.s.sembly plant in a southern state. His pay stayed the same, but since the cost of living was so much lower, he and his wife were able to afford to buy a home. When last we spoke on the telephone Andy told me how much happier he is seeing his children run around a big country field rather than a paved school yard.

Traveling for Pleasure, Not Business Nicole Cohen, the twenty-six-year-old trade-magazine journalist who had been traveling the world for her company, figured out why her wanderl.u.s.t was still unsatisfied. Her dreams of traveling to foreign countries involved far more than just seeing the insides of airports, casinos, and conference centers. And the foreign cultures she longed to immerse herself in weren't those of hotels and expense-account-oriented restaurants. Yes, she was physically traveling, but it wasn't the type of experience she craved. Together, she and I came up with a number of ways she could achieve her goal. She could take a job with an airline or cruise line. She could work as a guide for an outfitter or a tour company. She could become a freelancer and work on travel articles for publications. We soon realized the problem with those options was that Nicole would still be traveling for business rather than pleasure, and she'd be unlikely to get to do what she really wanted. That's why she settled on another option: going into public relations and traveling extensively on her own. After a yearlong search, Nicole was able to get a public relations job with a large hotel in Florida. The job requires her to work extended hours during the winter, spring, and fall, but offers most of the summer off. That's time Nicole plans to use to travel.

Serving Others Hands On Dan Connors's desire to serve was being stifled by the demands of management. While he was doing well working as a top executive at a large New York Citybased nonprofit agency, he felt something was missing. He knew he was helping his agency, which focused on the needs of poor New Yorkers, do good. It was just that his days consisted largely of managing personnel, meeting with the media, and lobbying munic.i.p.al officials. He felt removed from the organization's mission. Dan and I discussed other ways he could be of service without its involving work. He could take a more hands-on approach to developing programs in his agency, or another agency. He could go back to school for social work. That would take time out of his life and cost him a great deal. He could get involved in local politics, helping candidates who reflected his view get elected. But that could be even more frustrating than his work. Or he could work through his church to help the needy. Dan went to the board of his agency and explained that he needed to spend more time doing hands-on service to feel complete. He explained that he would no longer be able to attend meetings or events on Wednesday and Friday evenings, since that was when he would be working at a soup kitchen his church had established.

Meeting People in the Right Places Andrea Lewis laughed when she said she wasn't having much luck meeting the kind of people she wanted to meet at her job: ”I guess the odds are pretty long for me to meet a cla.s.sical - music - loving backpacker at a dentist's office.” While she had had met some very nice people and struck up a couple of friends.h.i.+ps, the thirty-four-year-old Andrea still felt lonely. She and I tried to come up with some idea for how she could meet people who shared her interests. Even though she doesn't play an instrument, Andrea has joined the local chamber music society and is helping out at concerts by taking tickets and seating guests. She has signed up for a poetry workshop at the local college. And she has joined a local organization that helps maintain hiking trails. She just had her first date in three years, with a man she met while cleaning a trail in a nearby state park. met some very nice people and struck up a couple of friends.h.i.+ps, the thirty-four-year-old Andrea still felt lonely. She and I tried to come up with some idea for how she could meet people who shared her interests. Even though she doesn't play an instrument, Andrea has joined the local chamber music society and is helping out at concerts by taking tickets and seating guests. She has signed up for a poetry workshop at the local college. And she has joined a local organization that helps maintain hiking trails. She just had her first date in three years, with a man she met while cleaning a trail in a nearby state park.

Art for Art's Sake Despite having, throughout his career, chosen work he thought would be artistically challenging rather than financially rewarding, Sean Shanahan still didn't feel he was expressing himself fully through his work at the design firm. He and I talked of ways he could do just that. Sean thought about going back to graduate school for studio art, but he didn't think having someone else tell him what to work on would be particularly fulfilling. He considered staying at an artist's colony over his summer vacation, but realized that would be only temporary. Finally, he thought about turning his home office into a studio. It took only one trip to an art-supply store for Sean to be able to convert a s.p.a.ce designed for work he brought home from the office into a s.p.a.ce designed for him to do his own artwork. He has sworn off bringing work home over the weekend, reserving his perfectionism for his own work, realizing he could do acceptable professional work during the eight hours a day he spent at the office. At home he is spending time working on his own collages. He has finished six, which he plans to enter in a juried show.

Turning Work and Life Around By killing their careers my clients have succeeded in becoming much happier with their lives. Since they're now not placing the burden of providing emotional as well as financial rewards on their work, they're actually feeling better about their jobs. Not only are their expectations lower, but they're no longer as emotionally tied to their offices. They're able to leave work at the office when they come home at night. And by pursuing their nonfinancial goals through the nonwork parts of their lives, they've been much more effective at fulfilling those needs. They've won respect, found security, traveled, met people, and been able to express themselves, to a degree that wouldn't have been possible if they had remained focused on having careers. What has worked for them can work for you. By killing your career and getting a job instead, you'll be able to lead a far richer life.

Of course, it's essential that your current or future employer not realize you're now working to live, not living to work. That's not as difficult as you might think. All you need to do is realize there's no I in job.

Chapter 4.

There's No I in Job

I'm the boss, you're an idiot. You're the boss, I'm an idiot.- RUSSIAN ARMY SAYING AMY DORRIT HAS become the apple of her boss's eye. She's now able to leave early on Thursdays to pick her son up from day care. During two recent rounds of layoffs, Amy has been a.s.sured she's safe, despite her relative lack of seniority. And her last performance review was glowing. It wasn't always this way. During the first year she worked at the law firm as an administrative a.s.sistant she felt besieged. Her boss, a young partner specializing in entertainment law, gave her nothing but grief, even though Amy was diligently doing her job, working overtime, and even offering suggestions to improve his efficiency. It was only after she stopped concentrating on doing become the apple of her boss's eye. She's now able to leave early on Thursdays to pick her son up from day care. During two recent rounds of layoffs, Amy has been a.s.sured she's safe, despite her relative lack of seniority. And her last performance review was glowing. It wasn't always this way. During the first year she worked at the law firm as an administrative a.s.sistant she felt besieged. Her boss, a young partner specializing in entertainment law, gave her nothing but grief, even though Amy was diligently doing her job, working overtime, and even offering suggestions to improve his efficiency. It was only after she stopped concentrating on doing her her job and started focusing instead on what would make her boss's work life easier that she began to flourish. Now an expert at s.h.i.+elding her boss from the other partners and at keeping the firm's procedures from interfering with his work style, she's as secure as anyone in the firm, even though she rarely stays late and is, in fact, constantly looking for other work. The same can be true for you. job and started focusing instead on what would make her boss's work life easier that she began to flourish. Now an expert at s.h.i.+elding her boss from the other partners and at keeping the firm's procedures from interfering with his work style, she's as secure as anyone in the firm, even though she rarely stays late and is, in fact, constantly looking for other work. The same can be true for you.

You can make your position as secure as possible, without spending every waking moment at the office.

You can fire your boss and kill your career...and still be a star in your boss's eye, winning effusive praise and support.

You can get raises and promotions and kudos, even though you're actively looking for other jobs.

How can you pull off this apparent dichotomy? Simple: accept the third element in my workplace philosophy: There's no I in job. That's my version of an old coaching cliche, which said that there was no I in team, meaning you should set aside your personal interests and instead focus on the success of the team. When it comes to work, you need to (at least outwardly) set aside your personal interests and focus, not on the success of the company, but specifically on the personal success of your boss.

There's No Justice in the Workplace I know this flies in the face of everything we've been told or taught. From an early age we've been led to believe that helping the company or organization you work for do well will lead to success on the job. The more you contribute to the company, the higher up the ladder you'll climb and the more money you'll earn. Everyone from parents to pundits continues to preach this as an ironclad rule. Many advisers actually encourage people to spend their spare time and energy looking for ways to boost their company's bottom line.8 Once again, I hate to shatter such a pretty illusion, but this truism is nothing of the kind. Once again, I hate to shatter such a pretty illusion, but this truism is nothing of the kind.

8. I have to admit that I too was one expert who preached this, until I saw the light.

Unless you've been in suspended animation for three decades you already know that being good at your job doesn't provide job security, let alone advancement and salary increases. Plenty of people who are very good at what they do have been let go, and continue to be laid off every day. Skill is just about the last thing most employers look at when picking people to fire. Having possible grounds to sue the company and earning less than anyone else are the only two attributes that seem to provide much protection anymore. I said skill was ”just about” the last consideration when picking people to terminate, because even lower on the list of factors is contribution to the company.

There is no more justice in the workplace than there is in life. Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. People who contribute to the company's bottom line are fired every single day. Meanwhile, people who generate little if any profit not only keep their jobs but get promoted. Think I'm being too cynical? Well, before you disagree with my a.s.sessment, take a moment to think back to all the jobs you've had over the years. How many times have you found yourself working for someone who you thought was incompetent? Maybe it was a supervisor who never met a deadline, whose management skills were atrocious, and who never came up with an independent idea. And how many other times have you seen someone promoted who obviously didn't deserve it? Perhaps it was someone with less experience, enthusiasm, or expertise than the other candidates.

We've all been in this situation during our working lives. Some of us have seen it numerous times. Many of us are dealing with it right now. Yet romantic idealism is so ingrained in most of us that we ignore the evidence staring us in the face and instead continue to believe the pundits when they say being a star performer for the company will lead to success. I think it's time to take off the blinders and deal with the workplace as it really is.

Don't worry, it isn't an irrational place impossible to navigate. It's just that you've been using the wrong kind of map. Once you adopt a new map and compa.s.s you'll be able not only to find your way, but to prosper as never before.

It's Your Boss, Not the Company That Counts For years philosophers and theologians have tried to explain why it is that bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people.9 The explanations have ranged from the sublime - the ways of G.o.d are unknowable - to, in my opinion, the ridiculous - there are some who G.o.d has predetermined will prosper regardless what they do on earth. The explanations have ranged from the sublime - the ways of G.o.d are unknowable - to, in my opinion, the ridiculous - there are some who G.o.d has predetermined will prosper regardless what they do on earth.

9. Apologies to Rabbi Harold Kushner, author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People. When Bad Things Happen to Good People.

Similarly, the handful of people who've been willing to admit there's no justice in the workplace as well have tried to come up with their own explanations. One famous theory is the Peter Principle, which says individuals in an organization will continue to rise in a hierarchy until they reach a position where they are incompetent. This sounds accurate at first, but doesn't account for those incompetents who continue to advance or those who are competent yet are never able to climb the ladder.

I think there's a better explanation for why there seems to be no justice in the workplace. Rather than ability or productivity being the vital ingredient for success, it's really meeting your boss's needs or wants. Being good at what you do is important, but only for your self-image and personal satisfaction. The same goes for being productive for the company. To be happy and successful on the job you actually need to make your boss happy and successful. By putting your boss's goals first, you actually put your own goals first.

Truth be told, I don't think many managers put the interests of the company ahead of their own. Most care primarily about themselves. They want to get as much money as they can for as little work as they can. I think this is true of everyone from a department manager up to the chairman of the board. Just look at the recent corporate scandals. Company officers cared more about their compensation packages than the company's profitability. Board members and shareholders cared more about the value of their stock than the company's solvency. The people who succeed in a company are those who realize this and use it to their advantage.

I wouldn't characterize this as being either moral or immoral. Companies aren't living creatures; they are amoral legal constructs. It's the people who work in the company that count, and they behave as people always behave. It's simply human nature to reward and protect those who help you meet your needs. People at work will help you if you have helped them, or will help them in the future. On the other hand, people at work will try to hurt you if you have, or may in the future, hurt them.

Working long hours won't make your job secure. Being the best in the world at your job won't guarantee you won't be laid off. Generating profits for the company won't ensure you'll be rewarded. Conversely, not working overtime won't get you fired. Being only adequate at your job won't make you a candidate for future cuts. And not boosting the bottom line won't keep you from advancing. The only thing that matters is helping your boss meet his or her goals. Do that and you will be the last person your boss lays off and the first person your boss rewards, regardless of the quality of your work or how often you stay late. Ignore the boss's goals and, no matter how good your work and how often you work overtime, you'll be a prime candidate for termination. Put your boss first and as he or she advances in the company, so will you. If you don't meet your boss's needs you'll always be one day away from unemployment.

Janet Crosetti Faces Workplace Reality If you recall from chapter 1, Janet Crosetti is a thirty-seven-year-old client of mine who returned to work as a schoolteacher after her daughter went to school. She landed a job as an English teacher in a suburban junior high school. Janet's natural enthusiasm and zeal led her to try to energize a department made up mostly of older teachers very set in their ways. She had six years of pent-up teaching energy and she wanted to use it. During her first few months on the job she was like a tornado, constantly suggesting new lesson plans and, during department conferences, pus.h.i.+ng for the use of more multimedia. She was stunned when her first evaluation was mixed, at best. Her department chairman clearly was unhappy.

After Janet told me about her situation, I explained what I thought was happening. I said Janet was focusing on the needs of her students. What she needed to do was to concentrate on the needs of her boss, the department chairman, instead. That didn't mean not helping her students. It just meant doing so in a way that very noticeably met her boss's goals as well. What Janet had to do was figure out what her boss's needs and goals were. We'll get back to Janet's story later in this chapter, but first let's explore how to figure out a boss's needs and goals, since that's your next step as well.

What Does Your Boss Most Need and Want?

You can't simply ask your boss what he or she needs and wants. Rather than hearing the truth you'll instead get some plat.i.tudes about the company's success or your giving 100 percent, plat.i.tudes that probably fly in the face of the facts all around you. Instead, you need to do some intelligence gathering.

Find yourself a small notebook or pad that you can surrept.i.tiously use while at work. On the first page, write a to-do list for yourself, and on the second page compile a shopping list for a trip to the grocery store. These pages serve as camouflage for your real notes, diversions you can show to people if they ask what you're writing. On a subsequent blank page, start keeping track of the things your boss does during the day. Again, forget about what he or she says and instead fixate on actions; it's deeds not words that matter. Make note of your boss's mood swings during the day and what he was doing just before his mood changed. Pay careful attention to what she does to please her own boss and how she reacts to those demands. Don't ignore nonwork issues. If your boss is always looking for people to go to lunch with him, that's an important signal.

Try to compile a week's worth of observations. If you feel it was, for some reason, an unusual week - say your boss's boss was on vacation - take notes for an additional week. After taking notes for one or two weeks, read them over. Now, think back over your past experiences with your boss. If there are any typical scenarios that come to mind that you haven't noticed in the past week or two, add those to your list. When you're sure you have an accurate picture of your boss's actions, you can stow your little notebook for the trip home.

Set aside an afternoon at home to a.n.a.lyze your observations. Take out the pad you used for the exercises in earlier chapters, and head a blank page My Boss's Needs and Wants. Go over each observation, asking what your boss got, or tried to get, out of every action, and write down your a.n.a.lysis on the pad.

Let's say your boss asked someone to pick up his lunch on Monday, someone else to drop off his dry cleaning on Wednesday, and you to give him a lift to get his car at the service station on Friday. What did your boss get from these actions? Help with his personal ch.o.r.es. So you would write down that one of his needs is to have someone be his personal a.s.sistant, not just his work a.s.sistant.

Perhaps you notice that your boss gets into a funk every Tuesday afternoon just before he has to attend the weekly meeting of department managers. You'd be safe to write down that one of the things he probably wants is to get out of going to those meetings.

By the way, if you simply can't figure out what your boss's needs and wants are, study your boss's boss. Whatever his or her personal wants, every boss needs to please the person above, just as you need to please him or her. So if you can help your boss please his or her boss, you'll be providing a great service. Just make sure your efforts don't come as a surprise. You don't want to appear as if you're going over his or her head.

Typical Needs and Wants The list of possible needs and wants is huge, but let me offer some general examples clients and I discovered when a.n.a.lyzing observations. I've developed six general personality types to help you spot your boss's needs and wants. While needs and wants do tend to fall into these groupings, there are no ironclad rules about what bosses are like. You may find your boss fits none of these characterizations, or has needs or wants from two or three different types. This isn't an exact science. Feel free to draw on all of these types, or none, and to mix and match as you'd like. I'm just trying to offer some examples to help you get started in developing your own custom profile of your boss.

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