Part 3 (1/2)

Of course, it's not enough to come up with a simple answer to this question. In order to kill your career and get a job you'll need to dig a little bit deeper. Give yourself a few minutes of reflection. Sit in a quiet spot and let your mind run through all eight of these general reasons. Have a cup of tea or a gla.s.s of wine. When you think you've decided which of the reasons fits, say it over and over to yourself to see if it feels right. Then take out your notebook or pad and on top of a blank page write the phrase ”I work [fill in the blank].” Now let's see what that really means.

”I Work for Power”

I get this answer a lot from my male clients. Maybe that's because a high percentage of my clients are corporate executives who want to be top dog. Certainly there's a macho element to this answer. (In all my years of practice I've had only one woman tell me she worked for power.) In fact, this is usually what I call a presenting answer: it's an initial pose or posture often covering the actual response. Lots of men think they're supposed to say they work for power. That's why I usually push them further...and why I'll push you further if this were your answer.

Okay. You say you work for power. Well, what do you want to do with that power? Don't think about it too much. Just pull out your pad and write down the first thing that comes to your mind.

Most people, when prodded, will say they want to use their power to get or do something else. And that underlying answer is always one of the other seven reasons. For instance, when I pushed Julius Jackson, a fifty - two - year - old client of mine who worked as an official with a labor union, to tell me for what he'd use the power he was pursuing, he admitted it was to gain respect.

After you've come up with an answer to what you want to do with your power, go over the list of the other seven original answers and see which best fits your response. Now edit the phrase on top of the page in your pad or notebook to reflect your underlying answer.

”I Work for Respect”

Having the respect of others is somewhat important to almost everyone. There are very few people whose egos are so secure (or large) that they truly don't care what others think of them. But if you wrote that you work for respect, clearly it's essential to you. My next question is: Whose respect do you want? Think about it for a few moments and then write the answer down on your pad.

Julius Jackson, that client of mine who first said he worked for power but then determined he really worked for respect, told me he wanted ”the respect of his peers.” I asked him whom he meant by peers. He thought about it for a few moments and then said, ”The African American community.” Julius grew up in a poor household, and put himself through the City University of New York by working as a doorman at night. He became involved with the doormen's union, and after finally graduating college was hired by the union as an organizer. After more than two decades he had moved up to the executive level of the union.

”I Work for Security”

Security is a very general term. If you wrote that you work for security, you need to expand your answer by getting more specific. Define what you mean by security. Are you referring to financial security - say, having a large nest egg? Or do you mean physical security - maybe living in a low-crime area? Similarly, whose security are you concerned with? Is it just your own, and maybe your life partner's security, or are you concerned with children, parents, and siblings too? Write your more specific answer under the phrase ”I work for security.”

Andy Welessa was quick to tell me he worked for security. A thirty-nine-year-old product manager with a consumer electronics manufacturer, Andy was married with three children and a fourth on the way. He and his wife rented an apartment in a middle-cla.s.s area of Queens - in fact, the same neighborhood in which he grew up. While he was concerned with financial security - putting four kids through college was quite a task - Andy's real motivation was physical security. He told me he wanted his children to grow up in as safe a community as possible.

”I Work to Travel”

It's only in recent years that I learned how important travel is to many people. I think that's because increasing numbers of young people are coming to see me. By young, I mean people between the ages of twenty and thirty-five, many of whom just recently received their bachelor's or master's degrees, and most of whom are still single. I'm not suggesting that the desire to travel is in any way immature, only that it may be more pressing for individuals who haven't taken on a great many other personal responsibilities.

To successfully kill your career you'll need to be more specific about your desire to travel. Where are you interested in going and why? Perhaps you want to travel to Europe's capitals to tour art museums, or maybe you'd like to tour the Caribbean going from beach to beach. Is it the act of traveling that matters most, or what you do when you're in a different place? In other words, is it quant.i.ty or quality you're after? Write down your answers.

Travel certainly was a pressing need for twenty-six-year-old Nicole Cohen, who told me she had specifically chosen trade-magazine journalism over public relations because it offered more of a chance to travel widely. In the five years she'd worked for a gaming-industry magazine she had, in fact, been all over the world. She'd attended industry events in London, Paris, Hong Kong, and Cologne, and she was a regular visitor to Las Vegas and to Native American casinos all around the United States. When I asked her to expand on her travel dreams she talked about how she loved experiencing different cultures firsthand and touring sites of natural beauty.

”I Work to Serve”

Historically, the drive to serve has been powerful, leading people to forgo material comforts, physical safety, even to renounce physical love. Because service is such an abstract, general concept, I think it's particularly important to dig down and come up with more specifics. For example, whom do you want to serve? There are people who want to serve their nation. Others feel the need to be of service to the underprivileged. Some are called to serve G.o.d. How do you want to be of service? Do you feel called to provide direct service, say by actually handing out food to the hungry or defending the nation from terrorism? Or are you more attracted by indirect service, say by helping establish a school, or getting involved in local politics?

Dan Connors told me he had always felt driven to serve. After graduating from divinity school he decided to pursue work in nonprofit management. He began working for a small social service agency in a midwestern city. Realizing he needed an advanced degree to move up the organizational ladder, he went back to school and earned a degree in nonprofit management. Dan eventually became a.s.sistant director of that agency. Two years later the director left, and when it became clear Dan wouldn't get the job, he moved to a larger nonprofit agency in New York City. When I asked Dan about the specifics underlying his need to serve, he talked a great deal of his experiences in divinity school, feeding the hungry in the decaying downtown of a New England city.

”I Work to Meet People”

Many people develop personal relations.h.i.+ps with coworkers. When you spend hours working together you develop a certain closeness. If the office is a pleasant place, the warm environment encourages friendliness. If the office is a nightmarish place, the shared misery creates strong bonds - sort of like sharing a foxhole. Working hard easily leads to after-hours socializing, whether it's through the company softball team or just sharing a drink after work at the bar around the corner.

Ever since women became a larger presence in the workplace, romantic relations.h.i.+ps among coworkers have been common. At a certain point, work replaced school as the best place to meet a mate. The increased awareness of s.e.xual hara.s.sment issues may make things more complex and delicate, but many people still meet their life partners at work. If anything, because of all the hours people are spending on the job, the role the office plays in romance is growing.

If you're working to meet people, you'll need to be more specific in order to kill your career. What kind of people are you trying to meet, and what type of relations.h.i.+p do you want to form with them? Are you looking for a special someone who shares your love of theater or film? Or are you hunting for friends with whom you can share a day shopping or a round of golf?

Andrea Lewis told me she was looking for both love and and friends.h.i.+p. A thirty-four-year-old, recently divorced woman, she was given a consultation with me as a gift by her sister. Andrea had been a stay-at-home mom when married to her husband, a dermatologist. But since the divorce she had taken a job as a clerk-receptionist at another doctor's office, drawing on her experience working in her ex-husband's office. It was, she said, a way for her to get out and meet people. Andrea explained she was looking for a man who shared her love of the outdoors and culture and friends who enjoyed going to cla.s.sical concerts and readings by writers. friends.h.i.+p. A thirty-four-year-old, recently divorced woman, she was given a consultation with me as a gift by her sister. Andrea had been a stay-at-home mom when married to her husband, a dermatologist. But since the divorce she had taken a job as a clerk-receptionist at another doctor's office, drawing on her experience working in her ex-husband's office. It was, she said, a way for her to get out and meet people. Andrea explained she was looking for a man who shared her love of the outdoors and culture and friends who enjoyed going to cla.s.sical concerts and readings by writers.

”I Work to Express Myself”

For a long time I couldn't figure out why so many of my clients, when asked, told me they worked to express themselves. I don't think New Yorkers are, by and large, any more artistic or creative than anyone else. Slowly I put the pieces together. I see so many people who work to express themselves because they represent an unusually large percentage of those who are the most unhappy at work, and as a result, seek out my help.

One reason those who work to express themselves are so unhappy is that they are often the least-paid workers. Everyone knows the stories of millionaire painters and novelists. But for every one of those millionaire painters there are millions of people earning very little doing some type of graphic art or design work. For every one of those millionaire novelists there are millions of people barely sc.r.a.ping by doing some type of journalism or communications work. Bosses seem to have realized that all they have to do is give people an opportunity for just a little bit of self-expression and they can get away with paying them next to nothing.

But I believe there's another reason creative workers are so unhappy: they face the longest odds in achieving their work goal. Those who work for power, for respect, for security, to travel, to serve, or to meet people have decent odds of at least partly achieving their goal. Those who work to express themselves have, truth be told, little chance of even partly achieving their goal. That's not because they're untalented, necessarily. It's because work simply isn't cut out for self-expression. Work and self-expression go together like hot dogs and peanut b.u.t.ter.

This will be a vast oversimplification, but let me try to explain. Work is a mercantile process. You are paid to produce a good or a service that is of value to others. The more people value whatever it is you produce, the more you are paid. In effect, work rewards ma.s.s appeal. Self-expression, on the other hand, focuses on what's valuable to the creator. You produce a good or service that is of value to you. The more it fits your own unique personal needs and wants, the more ”value” it has. In effect, self-expression rewards individual appeal. It's not impossible for them to coexist - it's not like a comic book in which two alternate worlds can't come together or else the universe explodes. Instead, it's like putting peanut b.u.t.ter on hot dogs. They just don't go together.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't pursue your self-expression goals. To do that effectively, however, you'll need to be more specific. How do you want to express yourself? Do you like to write? If so, what type of writing? Do you have a particular audience in mind, or is it simply for yourself? You should make the same kind of a.n.a.lysis of any other artistic endeavor.

When I told Sean Shanahan about my peanut b.u.t.ter and hot dog a.n.a.logy he just shook his head. ”I don't eat either, I'm afraid,” he said with a chuckle. ”But I understand what you're getting at.” As I mentioned earlier in this chapter, Sean admitted to having always chosen art over commerce throughout his career. He and I discussed his drive for self-expression in a bit more depth. While he had worked in a number of mediums in his work life, Sean's preferred method of personal expression in the past had been the mixed-media collage. He enjoyed shaping a unique piece of art using a variety of different, often unusual materials. Unlike at work, where he had a clear idea of the target market for all his graphics, his collages were made to please himself.

”I Work for the Money”

In all the years I've been giving career advice to clients, no one has ever started off by telling me he or she works for the money. A handful, when prompted by my own admission that I work for the money, will say, with some embarra.s.sment, that they too are more focused on what they earn than on what they do.5 Most, however, seem shocked by such an att.i.tude. At least at first. Most, however, seem shocked by such an att.i.tude. At least at first.

5. If you're one of those handful, welcome to the club. Don't be ashamed; you're in good company. You're also in great shape for taking charge of your work life. While you could just jump on to the next chapter, I'd suggest you continue reading this chapter. If nothing else, it will reinforce your already efficient att.i.tude and make you feel even more secure about your mercantile approach to work.

Not only is there nothing wrong with working for the money, but it's the approach I believe almost everyone should take. That's what I mean by killing your career and getting a job instead. Rather than viewing your work as a career - something you do for power, for respect, for security, to travel, to serve, to meet people, or to express yourself - you should view your work as a job: something you do for the money. This doesn't mean quitting your current position tomorrow. It's an att.i.tude adjustment that may or may not lead to a change in employment. That remains to be seen after we go through the remaining steps in this book. For now it means changing your orientation toward work from the aesthetic to the mercantile.

Far from asking you to reject your higher calling, I'm doing my best to help you achieve it. You haven't achieved it yet, have you? Despite your stated goal of, say, working for others' respect, you don't feel like you've got it yet, do you? I didn't think so. Otherwise you wouldn't be reading this book. You picked this book up for the same reason people come to see me in my office: you're unhappy with your work life. Well, by working for the money you'll become much happier. Let me explain.

There are different ways other than work to achieve every one of the other goals we've discussed. It's easier to satisfy your need for service by spending time feeding the hungry at a soup kitchen, for example, than by trying to find a job that somehow helps the hungry. The mercantile aspect of the job will, by its very nature, impinge on the spiritual element of feeding the hungry. Let's say you're working at a social service agency. You'll need to deal with the politics inherent in any organization. Depending on your position you'll need to negotiate pay raises for yourself from superiors, deal with the petty squabbles among coworkers, train and discipline subordinates, fight to get resources for your department, go out and solicit funds, and perhaps even deal with insurance companies or local governments. If, on the other hand, you volunteer at the soup kitchen run by the agency, all you need to do is feed the hungry. You'll be able to experience firsthand the satisfaction of feeding the hungry, see the joy your work is bringing to poor children, and return home at the end of your time there feeling justifiably good about yourself and your contribution to society.

The same is true for every other reason you may have given for working. There is probably a more efficient way of achieving your goal, one that, in fact, guarantees you'll achieve it. In some cases there might be many other ways of achieving your goal. You can express yourself by acting in community theater, for instance, rather than trying to make it as a professional actor. You can meet people by going to church, or joining organizations, rather than just at the office or plant.

Work, on the other hand, is the single best way to earn money. That is its designated purpose. Ask work to do more and you court disappointment. Sure, there are ways other than work to earn money: you can inherit it, or you can have so much money saved and invested that you can live off unearned income. But relying on inheritance isn't a very good idea. Despite some predictions in the early 1990s, it's unlikely we'll see a huge transfer of wealth between generations. (See the box above: The Inheritance Myth.) And if you're reading this book you're almost certainly not independently wealthy.

THE INHERITANCE MYTHForget those fantasies about inheriting big bucks from your folks. In the early 1990s an academic study suggested that the baby-boom generation would receive the largest inheritance in history - almost $10 trillion - and that this money would impact a very broad segment of American society. The news spread like wildfire. I had clients come to me for help with inheritance planning...even though their parents were alive and well. However, the idea of widespread patrimony is a myth. The numbers were calculated in 1989 dollars, so decades' worth of inflation weren't taken into account. Gifts to charity and to grandchildren weren't taken into account. Increases in the spending pattern of older Americans weren't factored into the mix. Those ”We're spending our kids' inheritance” b.u.mper stickers are prophetic. Finally, the study didn't take into account the increased longevity of older Americans and the rising costs of nursing homes, in-home care, and end-of-life health care. I tell almost all my clients they've a better chance of winning the lottery than of inheriting large amounts of money. Stop dreaming about tomorrow's inheritance and instead start leading your life today.

My suggestion, then, is to work to earn money and spend the rest of your life pursuing your other goals. To paraphrase the Gospels, render unto work that which is work's - earning money - and render unto life that which is life's - everything else. I also believe in turning around a recently coined adage: Do it for the money and the love will follow.6 6. Apologies to Marsha Sinetar, author of Do It for Love and the Money Will Follow Do It for Love and the Money Will Follow. Many of the people who cite this adage don't seem to have actually read the book and so misinterpret what Ms. Sinetar is saying. Her point, I believe, is that by doing something you love, your need for money will be lessened. She's really saying: ”Do it for the love and you'll be happy with whatever money follows.”

”But What About All the Time I Spend at Work?”

Whenever I preach working for the money to a client, I get the same response. It's a variation of the following: ”But I spend so much time at work, shouldn't I do something that offers more than financial rewards?” My answer is simple: Stop spending so much time at work.

Most people who come to see me, and I'd wager most of you reading this book, have forgotten the reason for spending so much time on the job. The idea was that because you were doing something meaningful, something emotionally, psychologically, or spiritually rewarding, you'd want want to spend more time at work. The additional time was supposed to be in response to the nonfinancial rewards you were receiving. But as time has gone on, the reason has morphed. to spend more time at work. The additional time was supposed to be in response to the nonfinancial rewards you were receiving. But as time has gone on, the reason has morphed.

Spending so much time at work became a sign you weren't a moneygrubbing hourly worker. You were a careerist. You didn't have a ”blue-collar att.i.tude,” you had a ”white-collar att.i.tude.” That implied you were educated and a member of the elite, not one of the hoi polloi. Those added hours showed you were pursuing a higher calling than just money. You cared about the company. Then the rationale morphed again.

BE LIKE A REAL FREE LANCEIn the Middle Ages, mercenaries were hired by the Italian city-states to wage war on each other. They were known as condottieri condottieri in Italian. In English they were called free lances. While they were loyal, tough, professional soldiers, they were, according to most military historians, more interested in getting paid than in actually fighting. After all, you don't want to get on the bad side of future potential employers or coworkers. Freelance warfare involved far more maneuvering and clever ruses than actual bloodshed. I think all employees today should take a lesson from these original free lances. Do everything you can to make your boss successful, but don't mess up your own future employment opportunities in the process. in Italian. In English they were called free lances. While they were loyal, tough, professional soldiers, they were, according to most military historians, more interested in getting paid than in actually fighting. After all, you don't want to get on the bad side of future potential employers or coworkers. Freelance warfare involved far more maneuvering and clever ruses than actual bloodshed. I think all employees today should take a lesson from these original free lances. Do everything you can to make your boss successful, but don't mess up your own future employment opportunities in the process.

You spent so much time at work because everyone else did. No one left at 5:00 p.m. Fitting in meant working long hours. If you didn't work those long hours, people looked at you somewhat askance. What's wrong with you? they thought. Aren't you ambitious? Aren't you a team player? Don't you love what you're doing?