Part 14 (1/2)

Self-Test: Am I a Bully?

Is there a person you regularly make threatening comments to, or give intimidating looks to, at work or school?

If no, score 0 If yes, score 5 Does it make you feel better that you do this?

If no, score 2 If yes, score 5 Is it possible that you hurt somebody or taught someone else it's OK to do the same thing?

If you think yes, score 5 If you think no, score 2 Do you care?

If yes, score 0 If no, score 5 Have you ever posted or forwarded a hurtful comment about another person on the Internet?

If no, score 0 If yes, score 5 If you did it anonymously, score 10 Do you only put others down when it is in front of a group?

If no, score 0 If yes, score 5 Would it bother you if someone did the same thing to you?

If yes, score 5 If no, score 5 Total score: ______ Tally your score and write it in on the Master Score Sheet at the back of this book, page 195.

Chapter 70.

Manners Don't Take a Vacation.

I don't care whether you are staying at a Motel 6 off the interstate or at the Four Seasons on Maui . . . it can drive you nuts the way some people behave in a hotel. I don't mean inside their rooms. (Some of my behavior in a hotel room might raise an eyebrow or two.) You have that look on your face that tells me you don't know what I'm talking about. Let me explain.

Vacations are for fun and business trips may be for more serious purposes, but they have one thing in common . . . Your hotel stay is going to be h.e.l.l if the other guests in it are inconsiderate. One of the things that people have talked about . . . and I concur . . . is noise. Hotel guest noise bites the big one.

Actually, there aren't many hotel peeves that chap my behind. In fact, there are only two. Both involve noise.

Let me talk first about the doors slamming. Unless it's used to dramatically finish an argument-it's not cool. And for that to be cool, you have to use a British accent and say, ”Good day, sir!” before you turn on your heel and slam that thing. Think about it. At home or at work, most of us close doors . . . not slam. But somehow, people think what happens in a hotel stays in a hotel. It doesn't. 'Cause clearly, a lot of people don't like it . . . And they're talking about it. The doors that lead from your room to the hallway seem to be bang-friendly.

Sometimes it's because of the air suck created by the breeze in the hallway. Sometimes it's because the doors are hung in such a way as to make sure they close when a guest leaves the room. So, yeah . . . they're made made to close. to close.

And they close loud enough-on their own-to rattle the water gla.s.s in the room up the hall. But when it slams . . . you wet your pants! Or, you're asleep and it wakes you up. Either way, it's not good.

OK, so we've learned that the design of hotel doors works against us, and here's how we combat the G.o.d of Slam. Rest your hand on the doork.n.o.b so the door closes instead of slams. Voila! And yet n.o.body does it. Maybe now they will.

The other hotel h.e.l.l moment is loud talking in halls. The surest way to get people cussing someone out from within their room is some other someone walking the hotel corridor talking to the person right beside them like they were shouting over a jet engine. I mean, come on. There's no reason for this.

When adults do it, nine times out of ten, it's after the bars have closed. Hey, what are you going to do?

But sometimes, parents let their kids run wild in the halls. Hey, what kid on a vacation doesn't love to run? And there's that long, carpeted runway for them to just sprint down, or play tag on-shrieking in delight. Well, moms and dads, this is a chance to let your kids know what it is like to be out in the world-where there are things like rules, and manners, and consideration.

Independence is wonderful for children, and vacations are a good way to stretch their boundaries . . . but you've got to help them. I also know kids are going to want to be kids, and that's great. But they can be kids by the pool or on the beach and not right outside hotel rooms, where most people are craving peace and quiet.

Look, I'm not fooling myself. Just like the doors that are engineered to slam, I don't believe hotel hallways are suddenly going to becomes churchlike. But I can dream.

But not if somebody's noisy kids are outside my door.

Chapter 71.

May I Have Your Attention Please? . . . Please? Please?

Have you tried to have a conversation with anyone these days and just end up feeling like you only have half their attention? It can happen when you're face-to-face with someone. Like at dinner when they keep doing that d.a.m.n BlackBerry check. But know what drives me batty? When you're on the phone and you get those . . .

. . . long gaps . . .

. . . that make you think . . . that . . .

. . . the other per . . .

. . . son is not focused on you.

They can't see you when you are talking with them and so the temptation is simply too hard to resist when the computer . . . or the BlackBerry . . . or the iPhone . . . or the iPad . . . is calling out to them.

”Hey, baby! Come on and check me . . . You know you want to. Someone might be inviting you to a party! . . . Maybe there's news about that job you want . . . Come on, aren't you just dying to check the tweets to see what color underwear John Mayer says he's wearing today?”

And then the device takes hold of them. But the person on the other end is powerless. Because they don't know what this other person is doing. Because they're certainly not conversing. Which is what they should be doing if somebody calls them up and they answer.

Some telltale signs are the neutral ”uh-huhs,” which sound a lot like ”yes, dear.” But even worse are the long gaps and clickety-click of the keyboard you hear in the background from the person you thought was actually listening to you while you poured your heart out about the life-changing experience you had upon visiting the sick relative in the ICU who finally forgave you for joyriding in his car when you were fifteen.

. . . h.e.l.lo?

Click, click, click. Tappety-tappety-tap . . . ”Uh-huh . . . Riiight.” Click, click . . .

While the phone mute b.u.t.ton is sometimes necessary, that's not what I want to talk about. I want to talk about the unnecessary times. Times when you're talking along and when you pause, you hear a silence so dead it could be the atmosphere on Jupiter. And then a soft click and a rush of sound from the person you thought you were chatting with. Know what they did? They muted their phone so they could talk with someone else in the room or the office-and didn't tell you. Maybe it's only for a few seconds. But still . . .

Know what you can do about this? Want to have some fun? All right . . . Next time it happens and you know the other person was away, mult.i.tasking or chatting up somebody who walked in the room . . . here's what you do. When they finally do return to the line-pretending they didn't leave-say this: ”Good, then, I'll just send the bill to you.”

Then sit back and listen to 'em squirm. And while they try to figure out how to find out what the h.e.l.l you were talking about, you can relax and enjoy their discomfort. Maybe even check your email.

Chapter 72.