Part 20 (2/2)

”How do you know that it's love?”

”Yeah.”

”It's a gut feeling more than anything. But there are a few things that can help you determine if it's real. For one, how do you feel when she's not around?”

”Lost. Sick. Aching. Like I can't breathe.”

”Is there any other person in the world you'd rather be with at any given time?”

”No. Not a single one.”

He rubbed the scruff on his chin. ”Oh. Here's a good one. Does the thought of losing her scare the s.h.i.+t out of you?”

”h.e.l.l yes.”

”Yeah. You're f.u.c.ked.”

”Thanks.”

”It definitely sounds like love.”

”That last question really put it into perspective. I'll have to remember that one.”

Losing her did scare the s.h.i.+t out of me.

That was the moment it hit me.

I did love her.

I was in love with Nina, and I couldn't lose her.

Somehow, I sensed she felt as strongly about me. The fear in her eyes was evident the one time she pleaded with me to open up to her about what I was hiding. Losing me definitely scared her. That might have meant she loved me, too.

”You've got some hurdles to get through, but everything will turn out okay if it's meant to be,” he said.

”Thanks for the talk.”

Cedric smacked me on the back. ”I'll let you get back to being a bracelet-making p.u.s.s.y.”

”Says the p.u.s.s.y-whipped guy who gave me the idea.”

He chuckled as he walked backwards out of the room. ”Come join us for some pie when you're done, fool.”

”Alright, man.”

Between the realization that I was truly in love for the first time in my life and the fact that I was still reeling from my mother's present, my emotions were all over the place. I retreated upstairs for the night. This Christmas was definitely one that would always stick with me.

Clutching the metal of my father's chain, I looked out the window to clear my head. The moon was almost full and so bright that it lit up my otherwise dark bedroom.

My father's voice was clear as day in my head. ”I love you to the moon.” It was what he used to say before putting me to bed at night when I was a kid. I'd told Nina that story during our long conversation at the diner in Chicago even though I'd never shared it with anyone.

When I was younger, it always fascinated me that you could be across the world from someone and still be looking up at the same moon.

I wanted her to share this moment with me, to see how spectacular the moon was. I picked up my phone.

Did you see the moon tonight?

I waited for a response. Maybe she turned in early, still recovering from our all-night outdoor Christmas party last Thursday night.

Then, it came.

Nina: I would have never thought to look out at the moon on Christmas Eve, but I am glad I did. You always have a way of opening up my eyes to things.

Suddenly, those gigantic blue eyes of hers were all I could see, eyes I never wanted to see go dark ever again, eyes I knew would be filled with sadness and confusion once I broke my news to her.

I would have given anything to have had her with me, to make love to her all night long in this bed with the moonlight s.h.i.+ning on us.

Jake: There is nothing more I'd rather look at right now, actually.

Nina: The moon is beautiful.

Jake: I was talking about your eyes.

I kept typing.

Jake: They're the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. I get lost in them sometimes. They comfort me in a way that nothing else can.

Nina: I love your eyes, too.

I love...you.

My heart was beating out of control as I typed the words: I l-o-v-e y-o-u.

f.u.c.k.

No.

I immediately erased it.

I couldn't send that.

Not yet.

Jake: I know I've been confusing you. I am sorry. We need to talk when you come home.

There it was. Now that I'd put it out there, there was no going back.

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