Part 21 (1/2)

Nina: I think we need to talk, too.

I closed my eyes and shut off my phone, feeling sick to my stomach and gearing up for another sleepless night.

Back in Brooklyn, the emptiness caused by Nina's absence was more profound than it had been in Boston. I ended up not sending her any more messages on Christmas Sunday, though, because I felt like I needed to cool it.

I'd almost texted her that I loved her.

That would have been a big mistake for multiple reasons. For one, it would have been irresponsible to confess such a thing before we had our talk. More so, telling someone you love them for the first time via text message would have been asinine. So, a few days to clear my head were definitely needed.

Even though he'd driven Nina upstate, Ryan had only stayed away for Christmas weekend and had returned to our apartment Monday. Nina was planning on taking a bus back to the city at the end of the two weeks. Tarah had been using every opportunity to get Ryan and me to talk to each other. When she invited me to dinner with them downstairs Tuesday night, I ended up going just to p.i.s.s him off and came to the conclusion that it was way more fun to kill him with kindness, thereby annoying the f.u.c.k out of him.

Nina and I texted on and off, but I mainly focused my time working on a sketch that would be her belated Christmas present. The image came from an idea that popped into my head based on something she said during our Chicago trip. It was finished and framed by mid-week then Fedexed to her parents' house.

When my phone rang Friday afternoon as I was getting ready to leave work, I had a feeling it was her. Having mostly texted while apart, we rarely spoke on the phone, but something just told me she'd call me when she received my package.

I picked up. ”Hey, you.”

”Jake...”

I closed my eyes at the sound of her sweet voice. I hadn't heard it since she left, and it reawakened the physical need that I'd managed to keep at bay this week.

”Nina...”

I immediately snuck into an empty conference room and shut the door.

”Oh my G.o.d. Your present came,” she said, sniffling.

”Are you crying?”

”Yes.”

”Oh, man, I didn't mean to make you cry.”

”It's okay. It's all good.” She cleared her throat. ”When? When did you do this? How did you do it?”

”I used the picture of him in your room. I waited until you went away to start, so you wouldn't notice it gone.”

The sketch was of Nina's brother Jimmy and my sister, Amanda. In the drawing, Amanda is whispering something into Jimmy's ear as he laughs with a beaming smile. It was based on Nina's comment that she wondered if they were conspiring in heaven to bring us together. In case she didn't recognize the resemblance, I'd captioned it: Heaven's Conspirators (Jimmy and Amanda). I was pretty confident, though, that my interpretation of both was spot on. Jimmy's eyes came out particularly lifelike.

Sending it was a risk that I hoped didn't backfire. It was an extremely personal gift, not only for her but for me.

”I can't thank you enough for this. Words can never express how precious this is to me. I...love...” she hesitated.

My heart was racing. Was she going to say she loved the portrait...or me?

”I know. I know,” I said, not wanting her to say those words because they would completely undo me.

”What did I ever do to deserve this?” she asked.

”Just the fact that you would ask that question is the essence of why I...” Now, I was the one hesitating. Why I what? I finished my sentence. ”Why I adore you.”

It felt like a safer word than love, less likely to do irreparable damage if things didn't work out. And it was the d.a.m.n truth. I adored her.

”I adore you, too,” she said. ”Not only for this, but because you brought me back to life. Thank you.”

Long after we hung up, those bittersweet words wouldn't stop repeating in my head all the way to Boston.

If the earlier part of the holiday break represented realizing the depth of my feelings for Nina, the second part marked the unraveling of my s.e.xual control.

It was Sat.u.r.day night, New Year's Eve. As always, I'd spent the day with Ivy before heading home to Allison's house.

My family's New Year's Eve tradition was to gorge on Chinese food. Every year, Cedric would come home with two large boxes, complaining about how long he had to wait for the takeout. The a.s.sociation between Chinese food and New Year's Eve always baffled me, but it seemed like everyone in Boston had the same idea. This year was no different.

My nieces were begging to stay up until midnight, and per usual, my sister gave in. Cedric and I had just finished up a card game while my mother and Allison watched the Times Square festivities on television.

The fortune cookies left over from our dinner were strewn about on the table. One in particular seemed to be calling to me. I remembered what Nina told me during our Chinese karaoke date. Take the one facing you.

Cracking it open, I chuckled because the fortune spoke volumes about my feelings toward her: It's easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.

Ain't that the truth.

Even though you could have pretty much applied that message to anything, for me, it related to the intensity of the s.e.xual frustration I was experiencing at the moment.

And the only woman I wanted was hundreds of miles away.

As I stared into the fire and fantasized about her, my phone buzzed with the words that set the tone for the rest of the night.

I wish you were here.

My mouth filled with moisture as my heart raced. I typed.

Jake: I was just thinking the same thing about you.

Nina: I'm supposed to be going out tonight, but I really don't feel like it.

Jake: Why not?

Nina: For one, I'm going to be freezing my a.s.s off.

Jake: That would not be a good thing. I'd really miss your a.s.s.

Nina: LOL.

Jake: Where are you going?

Nina: Some friends from high school found out I was in town, contacted me on facebook and invited me to a party. I'm all dressed up, but I'm not sure I'm gonna go.

Jake: Show me what you look like.