Part 31 (1/2)
”Deed, I canna guess,” said the husband, resting musingly on his spade.
”Aweel,” rejoined his helpmate, ”I hae lost a note; but dinna be angry--for we ought to be mair than thankfu' that we had ane to lose!”
=The Philosophy of Battle and Victory=
During the long French war two old ladies in Scotland were going to the kirk. The one said to the other: ”Was it no' a wonderful thing that Breetish were aye victorious in battle?”
”Not a bit,” said the other lady; ”dinna ye ken the Breetish aye say their prayers before gaun into battle?”
The other replied: ”But canna the French say their prayers as weel?”
The reply was most characteristic. ”Hoot! sic jabberin' bodies; wha could understand them if thae did?”
=Patriotism and Economy=
When Sir John Carr was at Glasgow, in the year 1807, he was asked by the magistrates to give his advice concerning the inscription to be placed on Nelson's monument, then just completed. The knight recommended this brief record: ”Glasgow to Nelson.”
”True,” said the baillies, ”and as there is the town of Nelson near us, we might add, 'Glasgow to Nelson nine miles,' so that the column might serve for the milestone and a monument.”
=Husband! Husband! Cease Your Strife!=
”Husband, husband, cease your strife, Nor longer idly rave, sir!
Tho' I am your wedded wife, Yet, I'm not your slave, sir!”
”_One of two must still obey, Nancy, Nancy; Is it man, or woman, say, My spouse, Nancy?_”
”If 'tis still the lordly word-- 'Service' and 'obedience,'
I'll desert my sov'reign lord, And so, good-by, allegiance!”
_”Sad will I be, so bereft, Nancy, Nancy!
Yet, I'll try to make a s.h.i.+ft, My spouse, Nancy.”_
”My poor heart, then break it must, My last hour, I'm near it; When you lay me in the dust, Think, think how you'll bear it.”
_”I will hope and trust in heaven, Nancy, Nancy; Strength to bear it will be given, My spouse, Nancy.”_
”Well, sir, from the silent dead Still I'll try to daunt you, Ever round your midnight bed Horrid sprites shall haunt you.”
_”I'll wed another_, like my dear Nancy, Nancy; _Then, all h.e.l.l will fly for fear My spouse, Nancy.”_ [2]
=A Scathing Scottish Preacher in Finsbury Park=
People in Finsbury Park, one Sunday in August, 1890, were much edified by the drily humorous remarks of a canny Scotchman who was holding a religious service. The ”eternal feminine” came in for severe strictures, this man from auld Reekie speaking of woman as ”a calamity on two legs.”
He had also a word or two to say on government meanness, of which this is an ill.u.s.tration. An old friend of his who had been through Waterloo, retired from the army on the munificent pension of 13_d._ per day. When he died the government claimed his wooden leg! [3]