Part 31 (2/2)

=A Saving Clause=

A Scotch teetotal society has been formed among farmers. There is a clause in one of the rules that permits the use of whiskey at sheep-dipping time. One worthy member keeps a sheep which he dips every day.

=The Man at the Wheel=

Dr. Adam, in the intervals of his labors as rector of the High School of Edinburgh, was accustomed to spend many hours in the shop of his friend Booge, the famous cutler, sometimes grinding knives and scissors, at other times driving the wheel. One day two English gentlemen, attending the university, called upon Booge (for he was an excellent Greek and Latin scholar), in order that he might construe for them some pa.s.sage in Greek which they could not understand. On looking at it, Booge found that the pa.s.sage ”f.e.c.kled” him; but, being a wag, he said to the students, ”Oh, it's quite simple. My laboring man at the wheel will translate it for you. John!” calling to the old man, ”come here a moment, will you?”

The apparent laborer came forward, when Booge showed him the pa.s.sage in Greek, which the students wished to have translated. The old man put on his spectacles, examined the pa.s.sage, and proceeded to give a learned exposition, in the course of which he cited several scholastic authors in support of his views as to its proper translation. Having done so, he returned to his cutler's wheel.

Of course the students were amazed at the learning of the laboring man.

They said they had heard much of the erudition of the Edinburgh tradesmen, but what they had listened to was beyond anything they could have imagined. [1]

=Spiking an Old Gun=

When Mr. s.h.i.+rra was parish minister of St. Miriam's, one of the members of the church was John Henderson, or Anderson--a very decent douce shoemaker--and who left the church and joined the Independents, who had a meeting in Stirling. Some time afterwards, when Mr. s.h.i.+rra met John on the road, he said, ”And so, John, I understand you have become an Independent?”

”'Deed, sir,” replied John, ”that's true.”

”Oh, John,” said the minister, ”I'm sure you ken that a rowin' (rolling) stane gathers nae fog” (moss).

”Ay,” said John, ”that's true, too; but can ye tell me what guid the fog does to the stane?” [7]

=Playing at Ghosts=

Some boys boarded with a teacher in Scotland, whose house was not very far from a country church-yard. They determined to alarm the old grave-digger, who was in the habit of reaching his cottage, often late at night, by a short cut through the burying-ground. One boy, named Warren, who was especially mischievous, and had often teased old Andrew, dressed himself up in a white sheet, and, with his companions, hid behind the graves.

After waiting patiently, but not without some anxiety and fear, for Andrew, he was at last seen approaching the memorial-stone behind which Warren was ensconced. Soon a number of low moans were heard coming from among the graves.

”Ah, keep us a'!” exclaimed Andrew. ”What's that?”

And as he approached slowly and cautiously towards the tombstones, a white figure arose, and got taller and taller before his eyes.

”What's that?” asked Andrew, with a voice which seemed to tremble with fear, although, if anyone had seen how he grasped his stick, he would not have seen his hand tremble.

”It's the resurrection!” exclaimed the irreverent Bully Warren.

”The resurrection!” replied Andrew. ”May I tak' the leeberty o' askin',”

he continued slowly, approaching the ghost, ”if it's the general ane, or are ye jist takin' a quiet daunder by yersel'?”

So saying, Andrew rushed at the ghost, and seizing it--while a number of smaller ghosts rose, and ran in terror to the schoolhouse--he exclaimed, ”Come awa' wi' me! I think I surely haena buried ye deep eneuch, when ye can rise so easy. But I hae dug a fine deep grave this morning, and I'll put ye in't, and cover ye up wi' sae muckle yirth, that, my werd, ye'll no' get out for another daunder.”

So saying, Andrew, by way of carrying out his threats, dragged Master Bully Warren towards his newly-made grave.

The boy's horror may be imagined, as Andrew was too powerful to permit of his escape. He a.s.sailed the old man with agonized pet.i.tions for mercy, for he was a great coward.

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