Part 15 (2/2)
”Yes!” came the answer.
Reasoning that it was a quick way off the glacier, the second hunter plopped down and accelerated down the ice, following his friend. There, just over the edge, was his friend . . . holding on to the top of a tree that barely protruded from the snow.
There were no other treetops nearby, nothing to grab, nothing but a hundred-foot drop onto the rocks below. As the second hunter shot past the first, he uttered his final epitaph: a single pithy word.
Reference: The archives of an MD with thirty years of experience in the ER [image]
Reader Comments
”Truly a slippery slope.”
”O'er the glacier and through the snow . . . Whoa! Look out below.” Look out below.”
”I think the world would be . . . biological.”
”Now this would be a winter Olympics sport I would watch!”
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At-Risk Survivor: Locker Room Humor Confirmed Featuring alcohol and claustrophobia
17 JULY 2009, GERMANY
Unexpected odds 'n' ends are always turning up in train station lockers, but this may be the oddest yet. After a night spent carousing with friends, squeezing into the Ludwigshafen train station locker had seemed like an amusing idea to the man. He shut himself in a suitcase locker for fun, but the laughter faded as the oxygen supply dwindled. His companions were unable to open the locked door and free the twenty-year-old! With time running out, police broke open the door and dragged the groggy prankster to safety.
Our alert readers ask, ”Just why why did they let him out . . . ?” did they let him out . . . ?”
Reference: Reuters At-Risk Survivor: Ninja Wannabe Confirmed by Darwin Featuring machismo
Michelangelo would never meet this fate.
16 NOVEMBER 2009, WAs.h.i.+NGTON
Seattle police were searching for a reported a.s.sault victim when they heard screams of pain and followed their ears to a grisly scene: a man impaled on a fence post! They supported him to prevent further injuries until fire department personnel arrived to stabilize him and transport him to a hospital.
Suspecting that he was the victim in the reported a.s.sault, officers interviewed Vlad the Impaled (his name was not released) in his hospital bed. The man insisted that he was not not being chased, but rather thought he was a ninja and could successfully vault a five-foot spiked fence. The man's mad ninja skills, it seems, were bested by the fence-and he ended up stuck like a pig. being chased, but rather thought he was a ninja and could successfully vault a five-foot spiked fence. The man's mad ninja skills, it seems, were bested by the fence-and he ended up stuck like a pig.
”Clearly he was overconfident in his abilities.”
He is no Darwin Award winner, merely an At-Risk Survivor. His skewered carca.s.s was in serious but stable condition in intensive care when last we checked. A police spokesman summarized the situation: ”Clearly he was overconfident in his abilities.”
Reference: Seattle Post-Intelligencer Seattle Post-Intelligencer, AP, msnbc.com [image]
At-Risk Survivor: Birch Slapped Unconfirmed Personal Account Featuring trees and gravity
11 JULY 2009, NEW YORK
On a ten-day camping trip deep in the Adirondacks, a guide noticed a dead birch leaning toward one of the tents. This was dangerous! The guide enlisted three members of the church group to help deal with the tree situation.
Somehow our hero missed the memo.
First they tried pus.h.i.+ng the fifty-foot tree over-it was leaning at quite an angle-but that had no effect whatsoever. Then they whacked at it with trekking poles, but that only sc.r.a.ped up the bark. Finally they decided that the only alternative was to pull down the tree.
The guide removed the haul line from the bear bag and threw it over a short branch halfway up the tree. By pulling on each end of the line, they planned to wedge the dead tree against a st.u.r.dy live tree that was situated well away from the tent. They figured that this would avoid damage to the campsite.
Now the plan was to put two people on each end of the rope, pull as hard as possible until they heard the wood crack, then let go and run away from the falling tree. But somehow our hero missed this memo. On the count of three, they began to pull on the rope with all their might, and as they strained the tree began to s.h.i.+ft, and suddenly-CRACK!
Everyone began to run. Well, almost everyone. Our hero hid behind the target tree, covered his ears, closed his eyes, and crouched down dead in the path of the falling tree. The birch bounced and landed less than a foot away from him! The guides were mad, of course, but everyone else was laughing too hard to be angry.
That was one of the many highlights of that ten-day camping trip in the Adirondacks. An observer told our hero, ”When we get home, I'm telling the Darwin Awards about this!” And he did.
Reference: Matt Monitto DARWIN AWARD WINNER: TREE TROUBLENot all trees go down peacefully. For example, in 2002 an English tree trimmer decided to save time (again, the notorious time-saving shortcut) and toss the pruned branches of a fir directly into a fire he built near the base of the tree. Predictably, the tree caught fire, putting an end to further time-saving innovations.Reference: Darwin Awards 3: Survival of the Fittest Darwin Awards 3: Survival of the Fittest(Plume, 2004) [image]
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At-Risk Survivor: A Killer Serve Unconfirmed Personal Account Featuring a student and a tennis ball machine
1990s, SWITZERLAND
During a training lesson on a plush tennis court in Gstaad, a high school student named Elbrus (son of Russian nouveau riche) decided to check out how a tennis ball machine works. Since you're reading this here, you already know the machine was on and working; in other words, shooting b.a.l.l.s. Elbrus stuck his nose in front of the machine to inspect that complicated device. Before anyone could react, the next ball struck him right in the face, breaking his nose and knocking him out! It was his lucky day. The machine was not not set to a maximum power-otherwise it would have killed him. set to a maximum power-otherwise it would have killed him.
Reference: Anonymous [image]
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