Part 15 (1/2)
This could be a breakthrough in crime prevention . . .
31 JULY 2009, SOUTH CAROLINA
Two disguised men entered a Sprint store on Sparkleberry Lane, pulled out guns, and stole wallets, purses, and credit cards from employees before ordering them into a bathroom. Both men fled, but they could not flee from their own stupidity. Twenty-three-year-old James T. had disguised himself by painting his face gold.
Yes, in order to conceal his ident.i.ty during the robbery, James had covered his skin with metallic spray paint. If this isn't a Darwin Award, what is? Paints are clearly labeled: DO NOT GET ON SKIN, DO NOT GET IN EYES, DO NOT INHALE. Paint fumes are well-known to be toxic, and the metallic colors are particularly noxious. James began having trouble breathing (surprise!) and died wheezing shortly after the robbery took place.
To add insult to injury, the disguise was ineffective. Witnesses were certain as to the ident.i.ty of their a.s.sailant. Had he lived, James, like his surviving accomplice, would have been charged with armed robbery.
Reference: wistv.com, The The (South Carolina) (South Carolina) State State [image]
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Darwin Award Winner: Sky Surfer Confirmed by Darwin Featuring kites, weather, and machismo!
OCTOBER 2007, IBIZA, SPAIN
Storm winds swept across southern Spain, causing widespread flooding and damage to buildings along the Costa Blanca. Tasty waves Tasty waves, thought one intrepid kite surfer as he packed his gear and hit the beach.
Move over, Charlie Brown. Today's large kites are not triangles held by a string, helpless fodder for kite-eating trees. Modern kites are controlled by multiple lines with surface areas that create so much lift that it can be difficult to keep your feet planted on the ground-even during normal wind conditions. These were not normal conditions. Heavy rainstorms, flooding, and landslides had caused the government to declare a state of emergency and close the beaches.
Good times, thought the forty-year-old Spanish surfer as he unfurled his kite, climbed onto his board, and embarked on the ride of a lifetime. The high winds picked him up and ultimately carried him almost a kilometer inland, tagging him against buildings along the way. thought the forty-year-old Spanish surfer as he unfurled his kite, climbed onto his board, and embarked on the ride of a lifetime. The high winds picked him up and ultimately carried him almost a kilometer inland, tagging him against buildings along the way.
One more nominee joins the queue to meet Charles Darwin . . . in person.
Reference: Spain RTVE, neurope.eu, Deutsche Presse-Agentur Deutsche Presse-Agentur [image]
At-Risk Survivor: Sky Rider Confirmed by Darwin
18 AUGUST 2008, FLORIDA
A news crew was filming a storm when they captured footage of a twenty-six-year-old man kite boarding on the winds of Tropical Storm Fay. Harnessed to his sail, he was picked up by the wind and playfully slammed into the beach. His harness was equipped with emergency releases, but the wind whirled him around so fast that he had no time to jettison the kite. The wind continued its pranks, dragging him along the sand, picking him up again, and bas.h.i.+ng him into a building.
A witness said, ”It was a miracle that he just flew over the street and didn't get hit by a car” during his aerial adventure. The man's family described him an experienced kite boarder; one might even consider him over-experienced! The happy-go-lucky surfer survived to play another day.
This story calls to mind the Doors' song ”Riders on the Storm.”
Reference: cbs4.com Darwin Award Winner: A Shoe-In Confirmed by Darwin Featuring trains and machismo
15 DECEMBER 2009, GERMANY
A U2 subway driver found a body laying besides the underground tracks in Berlin. Because there was no video surveillance camera at that location, it took police two days to reconstruct what had happened. Apparently Yasin A., twenty-two, was alone in the subway car when he decided it would be a brilliant idea to destroy one of the windows. By swinging feet forward from a handrail into the window, he not only managed to burst the gla.s.s but also succeeded in being sucked out of the moving train, and was left dead on the tracks.
He was alone in the compartment at the time; if an observer had been present, perhaps the young underground rider would not have engaged in the destructive nonsense that led to his senseless death.
Reference: BZ Berlin [image]
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Darwin Award Winner: Race to the Bottooommm Confirmed by Darwin Featuring machismo versus gravity!
5 SEPTEMBER 2009, OREGON
Jake reached the summit of Saddle Mountain, and there and then he informed his friends that he planned to make a controlled slide down the cliff face. He would meet up with them in the parking lot or on the trail below.
Some folks are satisfied with the risks and rewards of dune sliding, and the chance of a 150-foot broken-limb tumble. Not Jake. The eighteen-year-old decided to ”git-r-dun” down a thousand-foot cliff, instead. He slid pell-mell down the escarpment-and what was intended to be a controlled rockslide ended abruptly a thousand feet below the summit, when his body came to rest in a steep ravine.
Friends were shocked. ”We are shocked,” they said, ”because he is always doing stuff like this always doing stuff like this and coming out smiling.” and coming out smiling.”
Reference: OregonLIVE.com [image]
Reader Comments
”What a downer.”
”Why daredevils don't live long.”
”Rocky Mountain Low.”
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Darwin Award Winner: Glacier Erasure Confirmed by Reliable Eyewitness Featuring weather, hunting, and gravity!
In the late fall and early winter months, snow-covered mountains become infested with hunters. One ambitious pair climbed high up a mountain in search of their quarry. The trail crossed a small glacier that had crusted over, and the lead hunter had to stomp a foothold in the snow one step at a time, in order to cross the glacier.
Somewhere near the middle of the glacier, his next stomp hit not snow but a rock. The lead hunter lost his footing and fell. Down the crusty ice he zipped, off the edge and out of sight. Unable to help, his shocked companion shouted out, ”Are you OK?”