Part 16 (1/2)
At-Risk Survivor: An Un-Fun Whirlwind Unconfirmed Personal Account Featuring weather-related machismo
1999, NEVADA
Roofing vacant homes in Sun Valley was the sweetest commute imaginable. I'd wake up, make breakfast, climb a ladder, and BAM! BAM! I was at work. Two things Sun Valley has: sand and dirt. Front yards: sand and dirt. Backyards: sand and dirt. Between homes: sand and dirt. Guess what the roads are made of. Yeah. I was at work. Two things Sun Valley has: sand and dirt. Front yards: sand and dirt. Backyards: sand and dirt. Between homes: sand and dirt. Guess what the roads are made of. Yeah.
I wondered, ”Has anyone ever died inside a Dust Devil?”
Dust was so prevalent that it was constantly being exchanged by dust devils. These tiny tornadoes were always wandering aimlessly about, coming tantalizingly close but never engaging me. You see, I've always been a reckless sort. Personal risk is something I will wager for the prospect of fun. My idea was simple: jump into the first devil of formidable size; not some weak little twister that could only get me dirty. I wanted a contender.
A month pa.s.sed. My Mexican helper cried out, ”Miguel! Look! Look!” And there it was. A monster. My monster, with a thirty-foot footprint, rising hundreds of feet into the air, heading straight for us.
”I'm goin' in!”
To which Joaquin replied, ”Nooo, Miguel, noooo.” At this point I must tell you, Joaquin was a very reluctant accomplice.
Down the ladder I went, two steps at a time, and as I ran closer and heard the roar I must say I had second thoughts. But stupidity got the best of me, so eager was I to interact with this behemoth. In I rushed.
Instantly all the air was sucked out of my lungs. My eyes were filled with high-velocity sand and what little breath I could draw was just detritus from the tornado. As the twister pulled me toward its center, the feeling of being planted firmly on the ground was diminis.h.i.+ng, and something wanted my body to spin.
The violence was so intense that I wondered to myself, ”Could one of these kill someone? Has anyone ever died died inside a dust devil?” When it finally released me, I went down onto my hands and knees, choking and gagging, and kissed the ground. Joaquin rushed to my side and frantically communicated that he thought I was a goner. To which I gasped, ”I'd like to do that again.” inside a dust devil?” When it finally released me, I went down onto my hands and knees, choking and gagging, and kissed the ground. Joaquin rushed to my side and frantically communicated that he thought I was a goner. To which I gasped, ”I'd like to do that again.”
My idea was simple: jump into the first devil of formidable size.
Joaquin just shook his head and muttered, ”Estupido.” ”Estupido.”
Reference: Anonymous
From dust we came, and to dust we shall return.
-Ecclesiastes 3:20 [image]
At-Risk Survivor: Medieval Mayhem Unconfirmed Personal Account Featuring explosions, weather, and women
AUGUST (VARIOUS YEARS), PENNSYLVANIA
Every summer, the Society for Creative Anachronism holds a two-week-long ”war” in a cornfield in Pennsylvania. The Darwin Awards team loves SCA members for their welcoming enthusiasm and their pa.s.sion for medieval history and arts both fine and martial. But in any large organization, there are always a few outliers. And at an event the size of Pennsic, which attracts over ten thousand attendees from around the world, there are bound to be some potential Darwin Award winners running around. For example: A knight fell ”dead” (i.e., pa.s.sed out) on the battlefield after a minor body blow. When he came to, he revealed that his appendix had been removed just last weekend, and he was still stapled shut from surgery. Ladies, protect your fighters! Hide your knight's helmet if he intends to endanger himself.
Fighters have two neurons-one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
A woman was taken to the camp's medical facility with heat exhaustion verging on heat stroke. Attempts to lower her temperature failed. Finally the EMTs removed her clothing to apply ice. Beneath her elaborate historic dress, they found that she was wrapped neck to ankles in plastic wrap, in order to lose weight. Removing the plastic wrap brought her temperature under control. Remember: Your date wants to stroke you you, not plastic!
When the damp weather made it hard to get a campfire started, a knight suggested using a capful of white gas. His squire heard ”cupful” and poured on two. The fumes became a situation. The knight, a real-life munitions expert, said, ”We've got to burn it to defuse it!” He lit a piece of paper and kicked it into the pit. WHOOMPH! WHOOMPH! A fourteen-foot column of white-hot fire was the result. An actor in a nearby play glanced offstage, did a double-take, and hollered, ”Fire!” to the crowded theater. The mushroom cloud could be seen a mile away. The squire was restricted from using accelerants henceforth. A fourteen-foot column of white-hot fire was the result. An actor in a nearby play glanced offstage, did a double-take, and hollered, ”Fire!” to the crowded theater. The mushroom cloud could be seen a mile away. The squire was restricted from using accelerants henceforth.
The munitions expert said, ”We've got to burn it to defuse it!”
Reference: Wendy ”Darwin” Northcutt [image]
Reader Comment
”Three reasons to love the SCA!”
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SCIENCE INTERLUDE BATTY BEHAVIOR.
By Ca.s.sandra Brooks
f.e.l.l.a.t.i.o is surprisingly rare in the animal kingdom. Humans do it, of course-though it's still illegal in some states. And bon.o.bo chimps, our close African ape relatives, do it-though really, what won't they do? But in the wee hours of the night, researchers happened upon wild female fruit bats fruit bats regularly performing f.e.l.l.a.t.i.o during mating. regularly performing f.e.l.l.a.t.i.o during mating.
Researchers in China were studying the short-nosed fruit bat, Cynopterus sphinx, Cynopterus sphinx, native to Southeast Asia. As expected, males built tent nests out of fan palms and began to court friendly females. Once a female was inside the nest, the couple groomed each other, a courts.h.i.+p behavior common in many animals. The male initiated intercourse-no surprises there-but then, to the researchers' astonishment, the lady bat bent down and began to f.e.l.l.a.t.e her mate! native to Southeast Asia. As expected, males built tent nests out of fan palms and began to court friendly females. Once a female was inside the nest, the couple groomed each other, a courts.h.i.+p behavior common in many animals. The male initiated intercourse-no surprises there-but then, to the researchers' astonishment, the lady bat bent down and began to f.e.l.l.a.t.e her mate!
Was it just a few bats treading on the wild side? After witnessing this act in the wild, the researchers observed captive animals Incredibly, 70 percent of the female bats performed f.e.l.l.a.t.i.o-and with great rewards. Frisky females received s.e.x for twice as long, doubling intercourse time from two minutes to more than four! And the males never withdrew while the lady was providing extra stimulation. After witnessing this act in the wild, the researchers observed captive animals Incredibly, 70 percent of the female bats performed f.e.l.l.a.t.i.o-and with great rewards. Frisky females received s.e.x for twice as long, doubling intercourse time from two minutes to more than four! And the males never withdrew while the lady was providing extra stimulation.
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Is this batty behavior really so rare and strange? Unfortunately the literature doesn't say. You won't find the answer in any Google Scholar search. Traditional science is reluctant to study s.e.x, but Bruce Bagemihl, an independent independent scholar and author, is not a traditional scientist. scholar and author, is not a traditional scientist.