Part 14 (1/2)
The story says it all. The old coot was repeatedly shooed away from the power line but insisted on cutting it while standing in a puddle, and now he is safely out of the gene pool. Thanks for doing our species a favor, Mieczysaw!
Reference: Middletown Times Herald-Record Times Herald-Record, YWN Sullivan County News Team, Mid-Hudson News Network, and an anonymous NYSEG employee MERITS DEBATED!News reports spelled his name Mieczyskaw, but that name is not listed in the Social Security Death Database. There is an obituary for Mieczyslaw M. (note spelling difference) at findagrave.com, stating that he died-not in 2009-but in 2008. Ultimately we concluded that the man did indeed exist, at least before his feud with the power line. This common Polish surname is difficult to spell correctly, and the discrepancy at findagrave.com is likely due to the fact that contributors submit unverified new listings. is likely due to the fact that contributors submit unverified new listings.Still, things are not adding up. Industrial saws require power, but the power was out! Was it a gas-powered or cordless circular saw? Besides, a fallen line doesn't just sit there hissing for seven hours; a fuse blows or is pulled at the site by the utility company. And why would anyone take a saw to a downed electric line? This certainly will not restore power. If the old guy was mental, he would be disqualified based on Rule #4: Maturity.A polish reader suspects he was displaying a national trait: a perverted sense of justice. ”Fair” is when everyone is doing equally badly, so perhaps he saw fit to deprive the whole area whole area of electricity since his house still lacked it. of electricity since his house still lacked it.The merits of this nomination are still being debated:/book/seesaw [image]
At-Risk Survivor: A Drilliant Idea Confirmed by Darwin Featuring spray paint, fire, and a drill
13 JUNE 2009, WAs.h.i.+NGTON
A Spokane man with a spray paint can learned the wrong way to get around a clogged nozzle. Fire officials say the man used a cordless drill to penetrate the pressurized can. The contents spewed out of the hole, and a small spark from the drill ignited a flash fire. The man's face was seriously burned, but he was treated at the Deaconess Medical Center and lived to spray another day.
Reference: The Spokesman-Review The Spokesman-Review TAG! YOU'RE IT.In 2002 another paint-bespattered person met Mr. Darwin. An electric train roof was suffering from a bad case of the flames. After fire crews extinguished the blaze, they found a puzzling lump of charcoal. Was it involved in the fire? The answer: Yes, and rather intimately. Hours before the blaze, this lump had walked right past high voltage warning signs, surmounted fences, and climbed onto the roof of a train to spray-paint his graffiti masterpiece. When he finished, he stood and raised his arms in triumph-and touched the 15,000-volt main power line. The electrical current permanently revoked his artistic license and incinerated the flammable wet paint of his final masterpiece.
At-Risk Survivor: It's the Cure That'll Kill You Confirmed by Reliable Eyewitness Featuring women, a snake, and a Taser
11 MAY 2008, CALIFORNIA
Working in a hospital's emergency room can be described as periods of frenetic activity punctuated by moments of boredom. During the latter, I was explaining the nuances necessary for a truly good Darwin Award, and the extraordinary effort it takes to win one. As an example I referenced a truly bizarre occurrence in our own little hospital. Three of us were on duty on Mother's Day in the ER when a pitiful woman was brought in suffering from a venomous snakebite to her right hand.
She spotted a small brown snake . . .
The fifty-three-year-old had been strolling with her family in celebration of the holiday, when she spotted a small brown snake that she misidentified as a garter snake. To her credit, everyone involved agreed that the snake had no rattles, but the fact that it SHOULD HAVE is indisputable. She was bitten on the middle finger, and the immediate pain and swelling alerted the group to the fact of a serious envenomation. This is all too common a story, but what ensued raises its novelty value.
Our little city of Ojai has a well-deserved reputation as a hot-bed of alternative healing, unique lifestyles, and New Age philosophy. Still, the ER staff were surprised to hear the family's account of their treatment for their mother. Someone in the group had heard a rumor that Tasers would counter the effect of a rattlesnake bite. Unfortunately this family did did have access to a Taser weapon, and they zapped their poor mother! have access to a Taser weapon, and they zapped their poor mother!
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When the pain and swelling continued advancing up her arm, they did the only sensible thing: They Tasered Mom again. With little else in their armamentarium, or perhaps running low on batteries, they brought Mom to the emergency room-where they expressed considerable dismay as the staff ignored the Taser idea and proceeded to treat her with antivenom (standard snakebite care) and admit her to the ICU.
Antivenom is purified from serum taken from an animal that has been injected with tiny amounts of venom to provoke an immune response. The antibodies bind to and neutralize the toxin molecules, halting further damage. Antivenom must be administered ASAP because it does not reverse damage already done. Historically, immunized horses were the animal of choice, but today sheep and goats are more common sources of antivenom because there is less chance of serum sickness caused by an immune response to the animal's antigens. taken from an animal that has been injected with tiny amounts of venom to provoke an immune response. The antibodies bind to and neutralize the toxin molecules, halting further damage. Antivenom must be administered ASAP because it does not reverse damage already done. Historically, immunized horses were the animal of choice, but today sheep and goats are more common sources of antivenom because there is less chance of serum sickness caused by an immune response to the animal's antigens.
All ended well, even for the snake, rendering this just an anecdote among the truly terminal stories collated by Darwin. And for those still in doubt about the efficacy of a Taser against snake venom . . . thanks for the job security!
Reference: Anonymous MD; Ojai Hospital Medical Records At-Risk Survivor: Spin Cycle Unconfirmed Personal Account Featuring holiday fun, fireworks, and a was.h.i.+ng machine!
4 JULY 2008
Two coworkers decided to celebrate the 4th of July in their own special way. They loaded an old was.h.i.+ng machine with tens of pounds of firecrackers, lit a fuse, dropped the lid, and ran . . . Nothing happened. Twenty minutes later, they decided that the fuse was a dud and went back to try again.
Presumably neither was aware of the chemical friends.h.i.+p between oxygen and fire. As they lifted the lid the entire washer-load of fireworks exploded, landing them both in the hospital for several days. Shrapnel from the washer spread in a twenty-five-foot radius, leaving a large crater in its wake. Considering the size of the impact crater, each perpetrator suffered relatively minor wounds and burns.
They decided that the fuse was a dud.
Reference: Lisa Perry In 1998, two East Java villagers took a creative approach to celebrating the feast that marks the end of Ramadan. They purchased a large quant.i.ty of firecrackers on the black market, twisted the fuses into a rope, and connected the rope to a motorcycle battery. When they started the engine, the resulting explosion could be heard two kilometers away!
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At-Risk Survivor: A Putty Bullet Confirmed by Darwin Featuring a gun
12 MARCH 2009, OKLAHOMA
A Shawnee-area marksman suffered an accidental gunshot wound when he fired a round of Plumber's Putty into his own abdomen. The twenty-one-year-old explained to deputies that he had exchanged the BB pellets in shotgun sh.e.l.ls for putty and test fired several rounds outside. Satisfied, he decided to perform more tests on the modified projectiles.
For instance, what would happen if he put a pillow between himself and the gun? He allegedly shot himself with no problem. Then he tried the experiment without without the pillow. He was taken to Unity Health Center for injuries to his abdomen, s.h.i.+rt, and winter coat. Removal of the wad (a plastic sh.e.l.l component that encloses the pellets) may eventually be necessary, but otherwise he survived the navel piercing no worse for the wear. the pillow. He was taken to Unity Health Center for injuries to his abdomen, s.h.i.+rt, and winter coat. Removal of the wad (a plastic sh.e.l.l component that encloses the pellets) may eventually be necessary, but otherwise he survived the navel piercing no worse for the wear.
The young man admitted that ”something went wrong.”
But what? Sheriff's Captain Palmer pointed out the obvious. ”Shotgun sh.e.l.ls and Plumber's Putty don't mix.”
Reference: Pottawatomie County Sheriff Archive; The Shawnee News-Star The Shawnee News-Star [image]
Reader Comments
”Silly Putty.”
”Putty-Putty Bang Bang”
”Guns don't shoot people, people shoot people.”
”A shotgun is rather long. Did he pull the trigger with his toes? Was it a sawed-off shotgun?”
”Perhaps the soft 'rubber' bullets were intended to drive away trespa.s.sers without causing injury-so through a series of somewhat scientific experiments he tested the device on himself.”
”At Harvey Mudd College in 1990, North Dorm's motto-p.i.s.s on East-was taken verbatim by the occasional group of North-dormers. Someone in East Dorm decided to string a defensive electric wire across the outer perimeter. Of course, he tested it first he tested it first to make sure it was safe . . .” to make sure it was safe . . .”
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SCIENCE INTERLUDE RAPID EVOLUTION.
By Jane Palmer
If the human race is suffering from terminal information overload, there is worse to come: We're going to have to do more with less. Our brains are shrinking.