Part 32 (2/2)
What part of a fish is like the end of a book? The fin-is.
What language should a linguist end with? The Finnish.
What sea is most traveled by clever intellectual people? Brilliancy.
What is the difference between a butcher and a flirt? One kills to dress, the other dresses to kill.
Why is marriage with a deceased wife's sister like the wedding of two fish? Because it's a-finny-tie (affinity).
A man bought two fishes, but on taking them home found he had three; how was this? He had two--and one smelt.
If the poker, shovel, and tongs cost five dollars, what would a ton of coal come to? To ashes.
Why is a blacksmith the most dissatisfied of all mechanics? Because he's always on the strike for wages.
Why is selling off bankrupt goods like preparing a dish of soup?
Because it is a liquidation of stock.
Why is a wide-awake so called? Because it never had a nap, and never wants one.
What is the difference between a young lady and a wide-awake hat? One has feeling, the other is felt.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing street cars.
What is the oldest lunatic on record? Time out of mind.
How can you make one pound of green tea go as far as five pounds of black? Buy the above quant.i.ties in Boston, and send them down to New York.
Why is a patent safety Hansom cab a dangerous carriage to drive in?
Because the cabman always drives over your head.
Why is whispering in company like a forged bank note? Because it is uttered but not allowed.
Which constellation resembles an empty fireplace? The Great Bear.
What is the last remedy for a smoky chimney? Putting the fire out.
Why is a clever wit like a chemist? Because he has many a good retort.
Why is a bankrupt husband an ardent lover? Because his is unremitting affection.
What is the difference between a spendthrift and a feather bed? One is hard up and the other soft down.
What comes after cheese? Mouse.
Why is a mouse entering a mouse trap like a diplomat arguing his policy? Because each has a well-defined end in view.
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