42 20.1: A Garden of Blues (2/2)
”No,” William says solidly. ”It's not anything. I don't know what Mom told you, but I am okay.”
”Mom said a lot of things-” Sam says, his eyes tearing up. And I worry more. I worry to my gut and it makes me sick. ”Let's just sit down-”
”I'd like to sleep-” he snaps and Sam's eyes widen.
”You really have become bitter-” he says and William narrows his eyes at him. ”You are angry-” He breathes out. ”So angry and you have no outlet.”
”You know nothing-”
”I know that you spend all your days in your bed,” Sam says. ”I know you bury your head in books and won't have dinner with everyone else. I know, for a fact, that your asthma attacks aren't getting any better. I know you're lying-”
William blinks at him as he tries keeping up his 'I-got-it-all-under-control' charade. ”I've given away everything I had of her-” he whispers furiously. ”I have let her go.”
Sam shakes his head. ”Have you? Have you really?”
”I'm great.”
”How's school?”
”Great.”
”Really, William?” Sam approaches him and corners him between two counters.
”I said I'm fine!” William tries to push him off, but Sam holds his forearms, distracting him, and pulls up his shirt. I gasp loudly, bringing my hands to my mouth.
His abdomen is a garden of bruises. So many colours. Purple, blue, yellow and green.
William quickly pulls down his shirt and looks away. ”Leave me alone,” he whispers, but Sam seems to still be recovering from what he has seen.
”Who did that?”
”Mom told you about that?!” William yells and Sam gives him a warning look.
”She walked onto you accidentally in the washroom-” He says, his eyes cast down. ”You were checking yourself in the mirror. She was so worried. You're just changing too much, so fast-”
William glares at his brother. ”What the hell?!”
”Who did that?”
William clenches his jaws, his transparent greens bouncing around the kitchen. He sniffs once and shakes his head as his eyes well up. ”Who didn't?” His shoulders drop, his thick brows sink, his facade strips off of him like old paint.
Sam is so shocked he can't say a thing. ”I thought you said Joshua and Ramirez left you alone nowadays-”
”Things are bad again,” William's voice breaks. ”And they take it out on me-”
Hearing that Joshua might be responsible for William's bruises, makes me so mad. I can't believe that that bitch doesn't practise what he preaches.
Sam blinks at him. ”Both of them?”
William looks away, his eyes glassy. ”Joshua, mostly. Roseline was his ex-girlfriend.”
My jaw drops in disbelief.
”I don't get it-” Sam says. ”Where the fuck are the teachers? The fucking principal?”
”It's not worth it. It's just a phase-” William says. ”Joshua is just acting out ever since an anonymous SMS got sent to everybody, exposing how he's the reason behind Roseline's suicide-”
Sam is as confused as I am. ”I don't understand-”
”There's nothing-”
”William, I need to know everything!”
William looks down, inhales deeply. ”You really want to know everything? Okay!” He puffs out a heavy breath. ”Every day I wake up, I wish was dead just to see her one more time.” He says and I hate myself all over again. ”And maybe when Joshua and his dogs gang up on me, I feel better.”
Sam shakes his head with a grimace. ”You don't stand up for yourself?”
”What chance do I have against three of them?”
”Will-”
”I just understand, you know?” William says. ”I understand Joshua's violence. I mean, if I were the reason behind the suicide of an amazing person, I'd hate myself. I'd hate everyone.”
But he isn't. Joshua isn't the reason behind my death. It was Sierra. And I suddenly remember the warnings 'DevilsPlay' gave him. And it makes sense that 'DevilsPlay' would ruin his life by framing him with my suicide. He's now a murderer in everyone's eyes.
I don't know what to think. I am too shocked to breathe.
Sam looks like he would cry his brother a river. ”But it isn't only this, is it?”
”What?” William shrugs slightly. ”What scares you so much? Worries you so much? Hurting myself?” He says like it's an ordinary, mundane matter. ”Does it matter? I won't kill myself. I don't have it in me. I told you. I'm great.”
”All because of her?”
”She didn't mean it,” William defends me and I choke on my tears. I don't deserve an ounce of his love.
Sam shakes his head. ”For the love of God, please don't hurt yourself again.”
Again.
William smiles wearily. ”That's it? Okay. Promise,” he says simply. ”Let me catch up on some sleep-”
Sam's lips part helplessly. ”You should've told me-”
”What exactly would I tell you that won't disappoint you in a failure like me?” He tells his brother, his eyes a shadow of pain.
”You're not a failure, Will-” Sam begs him. ”Please. I want to hear you out. Please let's just-”
”Save it,” William tells him bluntly and walks past him to get to what must be the attic.
Sam stands dejectedly like he knows that there's no hope for his brother.
Tobias barges in moments later, empty-handed, looking like a mess with red, teary eyes. I can't have looked any different. He sees me and I immediately rush into his arms. We hold each other and our pain.
”I let Benji go,” Tobias says, his voice broken glass. ”He deserves a better existence.”
I pull away from our hug, look into his glassy hazels and say, ”We need to get to the attic, Tobias.”