42 20.1: A Garden of Blues (1/2)

'i am sick to death of this particular self. i want another.'

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I'm standing in front of William's house, watching Tobias lean against the front door with Benji's leash wrapped around his wrist. He's staring at me with a smile, but it's too dark to see the twinkle in his eyes or the glisten of his lips.

”It's a starry night,” he tells me. ”I haven't seen one in a while. In five years.”

I look up at the blanket of blackness above us and try to tuck in the tears I've been crying nonstop ever since I've left Jacob. I try to stare down at a particularly bright star, hoping that Tobias would blame the night and not my pain for my teary eyes.

”I have the oddest of desires,” he then tells me and I look down at him. He's grinning and has his hands shoved in his pockets.

I roll my eyes with a weary smile. ”To feel?”

”That's not odd,” he tells me with a slight shrug. ”I want to have bubble gum.”

I blink at him for a while, not sure if I heard right. ”Gum?”

”I won't be able to taste it, I know,” he tells me with a wide smile and dreamy eyes. ”I want to look cool for you, you know? Blow bubbles, wear leather and sunglasses even at night.”

I lift my brows and chuckle incredulously. ”A gum isn't the way.”

Tobias straightens up, looking offended. ”I thought you'd tell me I was already cool enough-”

I smirk in response.

Tobias pushes himself off the door and gets closer to me. ”Stop being rude,” he tells me playfully. ”It might be our last day,” he teases, tilting up my chin.

I slap his finger away and he smiles. ”That would be a dream come true.”

Tobias narrows his eyes at me and almost replies when Benji starts barking wildly and pulling at his arm by the leash. Tobias looks down with a frown and kneels in front of a deeply disturbed Benji.

”Hey bud,” he whispers, rubbing his fur to help him calm down. He doesn't. He wags his tail excessively and barks at me.

Tobias looks up with a nose crinkle. ”What have you done to piss him off?”

I frown in response. ”I don't know?” I tell him. ”Maybe he's hungry?”

Tobias doesn't respond as he tries adjusting Benji's collar. ”Is it too tight, buddy?” He talks to him, but Benji is restless and almost runs away if it weren't for Tobias who's hugging him and patting down his fur.

”What's wrong?” Tobias then asks worriedly. ”He's never acted that weirdly-” he tells me as Benji continues barking at me.

Tobias then tilts his head a bit and tries to look behind me. I absently turn around to find William standing, chatting with a guy as tall as him. A guy so familiar, I'm certain I saw him somewhere.

When I glance back at Tobias, he's already up with a barking Benji cradled in his arms.

He's blinking at a point behind my shoulders and I frown confusedly. ”Hey, Tobias,” I start. ”You seem more worried than I am in my dimension.”

Tobias slowly looks back at me and blinks several times. ”I can't believe it,” he says.

”William?” I ask. ”I know,” I sigh. ”I thought he's moved on since he gave my brothers that book-”

”No, no,” Tobias says dismissively. ”Can't you see? It's Benji's owner-”

I do a double-take as I glance over my shoulders and quickly remember him. The guy we stole the dog from. The guy I thought looked so familiar.

It's because he's William's brother.

”What are the odds?” Tobias mutters to himself as he absently pats a disturbed Benji.

”He must've missed him,” I say and Tobias looks at me like I slapped him.

”Why?” He asks quickly, defensively. ”Am I not enough?”

I lift a brow in amuse. ”I think it's about Benji being his dog and you being, you know...dead.”

Tobias stares at me for a little while before deciding to talk to Benji in his ears. I'm quite surprised at how much Benji seems to mean to him.

I turn to watch William and his brother walk toward us, toward the house, as they discuss something softly with each other. William is in a pair of grey sweatpants and a white, full-sleeved shirt, trying to appear nonchalant as he forces his eyes to the sky and his hands into his pockets when he talks to his brother.

I wonder if he wants to blame the night for his tears too.

His brother, however, has this soft, dimpled smile on his slightly bearded face as he watches his brother talk. He probably knows how William is truly feeling regarding whatever it is that they're discussing. He reaches in his jeans' pocket for the house keys.

I can clearly hear them now despite Benji's barking and Tobias' failing efforts to contain him.

”So you're good good?” William's brother says as he puts the key into the lock.

William shrugs a little. ”I told you, Sam,” he says. ”I'm getting there.”

”Your asthma attacks-”

”They're less frequent-”

Sam smiles at him and pushes the door open. They both get inside. I follow, leaving Tobias back in their front garden.

The house is dark but someone finds the light switch and turns it on. I stare at the picture frames hung on the walls of the narrow hall we're standing in and smile. William's family seems to be really big. Two brothers and three sisters. And maybe that's why he lives in the attic.

William gently closes the front door. ”Mom must be asleep,” he whispers and Sam nods, taking off his sports jacket and hanging it over the door's hooks.

”So, tell me,” Sam starts, his hair a dark mess. ”How have you been?”

William bends over to slip off his shoes. ”I'm fine.”

I watch Sam's concerned face expression and immediately worry. Things don't really seem as fine as William claims them to be.

”Mom told me everything,” he says. ”Everything, Will.”

William slowly straightens up and dusts his hands off on his pants. ”I don't know what you both are talking about.” He says, rolling his fingers into shaky fists. ”I am all good-” He enunciates and walks past his brother.

Sam watches his back, shakes his head then follows him to the kitchen.

”Fuck that, Will,” Sam says as William opens the fridge and yanks out a milk bottle. ”You're the farthest from okay-”

William squeezes the lid open and chugs down the bottle's contents as Sam watches him calmly.

”Is it Roseline?” Sam asks him slowly and William tosses the empty milk bottle to the dust bin. He misses.