36 16.3: Impossible Possibilities (2/2)

I stop breathing for a second. ”What?”

”Sierra is the one-” I don't give him the chance to continue as I slip free from his clutch and turn to the scene of the accident.

And it seems that Tobias, for once in his dead life, is right.

Joshua is lying on the ground, a few feet away from the fire, his arms over his head. And Sierra is no more than a cadaver fed to flames. Her motorcycle seems to have exploded and I'm surprised that I'm still finding it difficult to breathe instead of feeling relieved.

I can almost smell the menace leave her body.

Her burning remains are stark against the night and I can't seem to understand how it is that she's dead. I can't seem to remember how her motorcycle burst into flames.

I turn to Tobias with a hundred questions on my mind. ”How?” I struggle to say. ”How is she the dead one?”

Tobias approaches me, still looking worried at my condition. ”Are you okay?” He asks me importantly, holding my arms. ”Rose, are you okay?”

I look at him speechlessly, at the deep emotion in his eyes, at the smile that left his face to make sure I am still breathing just fine. And I know that I appreciate him so, so much.

”I'm as okay as I can be,” I respond and Tobias shakes his head, quickly licking his lower lip.

”Didn't you see what happened?” He asks. ”Didn't you see a lighter being thrown at her motorcycle? There must've been a gas leak though, but I don't know what or who caused it. The street was empty. The responsible person might've as well been a shadow.”

”How could they miss?” I ask, shocked. ”Isn't it the dark web they were dealing with? Their every step is calculated.”

”Look,” Tobias says slowly, catching my eyes. ”Deep breaths,” he requests softly and I inhale deeply to help me relax. ”I don't know much about this dark web, mainly because my generation didn't deal with it that much. But I can tell that it's an evil entity. And instead of getting worked up all about it, you should just be thankful that it got rid of this cancer.” He refers to Sierra.

I nod silently and turn to Joshua who by now is up, looking incredibly shocked and exhausted. He has a gash by the side of his face and his jeans are torn at the knees. His tearful eyes linger on the scene, the light from the slowly dying out flames giving him a high, bright forehead and wild, lit auburn curls. The left corner of his lips twitches before he nods and starts limping away from the scene.

It seems that he's given his goodbyes.

Tobias drops his arm around my shoulders as we both watch Joshua walk away in freedom. It almost feels like a breath of fresh air if it isn't tinged by my ex-best friend's ashes.

And I don't know what to feel. Should I cry for my 'once-upon-a-time' sister? Or should I feel satisfied with this revenge? And would that make me any less of a human?

I turn to Tobias who is already staring at me and get caught in his eyes. We say nothing for a long while as my heart knots untie themselves to easiness and a smile slowly finds its way to my lips.

”You're done,” he whispers.

”I'm done,” I repeat, suppressing all my pain to some other time. And I wonder I wonder if my intervention would've stopped anything at all. If I was still alive, I don't think I'd be able to save any of them. And that reminds of a very important thing Tobias had shared with me.

He said that God's punishment isn't through letting us suffer. It's through letting us see his mercy that would've instilled itself over us if we had only been patient enough. And maybe that's why I regret killing myself. I regret the good days that were to come just when I thought I've had enough.

Because we never know God's strategy in solving our problems.

Which again makes me think if any of this would've happened if I hadn't killed myself. Would Sierra and Joshua have that very same conflict that gets her dead? It makes me think a lot. But maybe Sierra would kill someone else, or would ger her phone lost anyway, or many other indefinite possibilities that God could've used to show me His mercy.

And it seems that I've lost faith in all those indefinite possibilities. It's impossible not to regret it when I've chosen the worst possibility.

I sigh heavily, feeling bitter like I'm on the verge of crying.

”I'm sorry,” is what Tobias whispers and I close my eyes with a nod.

Even I am sorry.

”Where's Benji?” I ask him brittly and look up at him.

Tobias looks behind his back and smiles. ”Chasing the streetlights' halos. Maybe even the moonlight.”

”Let's go fetch 'im. I think our time is over here.”