35 16.2: Dizzy Hearts (2/2)
”No, Sierra,” Tobias enunciates. ”You just don't know me as much as you claim to!”
”I know you,” she repeats and Joshua almost laughs.
”I wish you did,” he tells her sadly. ”I wish I'd let someone in to help me instead of venture into something like this.” He blinks his tears away. ”I wish you knew how it saddens me to this very day to wake up and see my reflection in my dad's eyes. It depresses me to have to play this bullshit for him! But do you know what kills me the most?” He asks her rhetorically but she shakes her head anyway. ”Having to break up with Rose-”
”No-”
”Having to break up with her when I still loved her, when she could've saved me, killed me the most,” he says, his shoulders dropping and his fists shaking. ”Gosh, I loved her-”
My heart feels dizzy again. Maybe it vomited a couple of beats. And I find it weird I'm still standing in one piece and not sliced apart by regret's hundred knives.
”Stop talking!” Sierra thunders. ”Please!”
”You said you wanted to help me,” Joshua starts brokenly. ”You broke me. Ever since you've introduced that game, Sierra, you broke me.”
”No!”
”I had to let her go for a stupid fucking challenge,” he confesses, his eyes tearing up. ”And I was scared of not doing it because I thought that it might be the F-rule. And I couldn't die and leave Selena with that monster of a father!”
”Well that's the whole point of the game, isn't it?” Sierra says. ”To ruin your life. I didn't ruin your life. You could've chosen to harm others-”
”I would've never,” he tells her solidly.
Sierra seems restless like she can't believe a word coming from his mouth. She's so into the universe she's created and embedded herself in, she can't really seem to feel the slap reality is giving her.
′Unbelievable′ is what Tobias keeps muttering under his breath as I try to count my breaths to keep my mind from spurring out of control.
”It seems,” Sierra starts. ”-that I've removed Roseline from your eyes.” I gulp. ”But I've failed to remove her from your heart,” she says slowly, eyes cast down.
”Sierra, this is just insane-”
”No,” she says, then looks up at him with a cold smirk. ”You haven't seen insane.”
Joshua looks at her cautiously and sighs. ”All I want is my phone back. Please. You already have your phone. There's no need for theatrics.”
”You said you'd rather die than be with me,” she says slowly, reaching for her back pocket.
Joshua seems to read the dark energy looming around her and takes a stance. ”Sierra, please. This is ridiculous. You can't blame me for feeling what I feel. It was your actions that made you so unbelievably unbearable!”
Tobias whistles lowly as Sierra pulls out Joshua's phone.
”You broke my heart,” she says with a small pout.
”You broke mine!”
Sierra unlocks the phone with a smirk. ”Your password is 'Rose',” she grimaces. ”How typical. How naive.”
Joshua tries to stay calm but any button Sierra presses on his phone can cost his life.
”Just give me it!” Joshua raises his voice but to no avail.
”I didn't want to do this,” Sierra cries out and turns his phone's screen to him.
Joshua's lips part and his shoulders drop. ”Sierra-”
”I deserve to be as loved as Roseline! 'The perfect girl'-” Sierra snarls and I shake my head in dread.
”Don't do this,” Joshua half-begs. ”Don't be cruel.”
”This is nothing compared to what I did for us!” Sierra says. ”Can't you see how far I've gone?”
”Sierra we can work something out together,” Joshua approaches her carefully. ”Just don't do that, don't delete my account. It could be the F-rule for all we know.”
”Do you think I care?!” She yells in his face. ”You've ruined my life!”
Joshua blinks rapidly, obviously helpless. He's dealing with a psychopath. There's no way around her.
Joshua attempts to touch her arms when she yells, ”If you touch me, I swear I'll delete it! It's just a press away.”
Joshua pulls back his hands with a grunt and clenches his fingers into fists. ”What do you want me to do? What is it in fuck's name that you want me to do?” Joshua yells out, stepping away from her. ”You wanna be my girlfriend? Fine!” He spits out. ”You've pretty much controlled every aspect of my life! I don't see why you can't have that as well!”
Sierra frowns at him. ”I don't control your life-”
Joshua isn't having it, ”Get to the point Sierra! What the fuck do you want? I just want my phone back so I can carry on with my already fucked life!” His eyes are welling up at this point.
”I wanted you to love me,” she says and Joshua inhales too deeply, making me wonder if he had huge clouds for lungs.
”How can I?” He asks her as if trying to grasp every last string of logic she seems to have left. She has none left. ”How do you expect me to? Or would you like it if I pretended to love you?!”
”No-”
”Then?” He replies sharply, not giving her a moment to breathe.
”I just have a problem,” she confesses and Joshua looks like he's all fucking ears. ”I can't see you with anyone but me.”
”Hm?” Joshua looks at her and clenches his jaws. ”Where's the problem?”
Sierra looks infuriated at his attempt to belittle her statement. ”You really can't see the problem, can you?” She asks, tilting her head. ”If you can't be with me, you can't be with anyone else. I can't accept that.”
Joshua looks at her like he can't believe the bullshit he's heard. ”I said, and I quote, that you can be my girlfriend!”
Sierra shakes her head. ”After having this conversation, it started dawning on me that we'll never share that bond you had with Roseline.”
Joshua pinches his nose. ”I do not want to get physical with you,” he warns her angrily. ”Give me my phone!”
”I tried to love you but it didn't do. My love to you grew and it's time it killed you,” she singsongs and presses a button on Joshua's phone.
She might have broken the F-rule.