Part 18 (1/2)

Eleanore had always had a soft spot for Tim; her allegiance was bound to be with him and not Kari.

She had opted for leaving Tim a voice mail. Over the course of the day, she left a series of them, with no response.

When she was unable to reach her husband, she called Pastor Mark and made an appointment to see him the following day. ”Is everything okay?” The pastor sounded concerned. ”Well-” Kari's voice broke, and it took a moment before she could continue-”not really.”

”I'm sorry, Kari.” Pastor Mark waited.

”Tim . . .” She swallowed back the sobs that seemed always ,ready to burst to the surface. ”He moved out a few weeks ago.” Kari could hear the pastor exhale, as if the news made a physical impact on him. ”Will he come with you tomorrow?”

A sob slipped from her throat, and she struggled to regain control. ”He moved in with another woman. I haven't talked to him since he left.”

Before the phone call ended, Pastor Mark prayed for her and a.s.sured her that G.o.d still loved her and was looking out for her, that he would redeem even this seemingly impossible circ.u.mstance. They set the appointment for Tuesday at noon. ”I'd like it if Tim would come,” he told Kari. ”Keep trying to reach him.”

Kari got up and checked on Brooke's daughters. Now, with the girls asleep and a lonely night ahead of her, Kari's anger was back.

148 The emotions that had washed over her since Tim moved out seemed to change as often as the tide. One hour she'd miss her husband so badly her chest would ache. Then she'd imagine him with the other woman, and suddenly she'd be angry enough to do something crazy-like send a letter about the situation to the university's ethics board or find him and pound her fists against his chest.

On top of that she was pregnant, her body steeped in rising hormones. There seemed to be no balance, no even-keeled moments; she'd even been getting heart palpitations lately.

Kari exhaled slowly. No matter what he'd done by having the affair, Kari missed Tim so badly it hurt to breathe. She needed him to walk through the door, take her in his arms, and tell her it was all a nightmare, that he wasn't in love with someone else and that, in fact, he would love her until the day he died.

”Where is he, Lord?” She whispered the question out loud. ”Why didn't he answer my calls?”

She thought about Pastor Mark's final comment. I'd like it if Tim would come.

Slowly an idea began to form. Why not call him at Angela's apartment? So what if it was awkward? If she was going to fight for her marriage, she would have to endure some awkwardness. Who knew? Maybe the phone call would help bring him to his senses.

Kari braced herself against the kitchen counter and stared at the telephone. She remembered the woman's name; it had been hovering in her mind since she'd received the anonymous call the day before Tim left.

Angela Manning.

How many Mannings could possibly be listed in the city of Bloomington? Kari's heart beat faster in response. She reached for the phone, dialed information, and was connected with an operator.

”For what city?”

”In Bloomington, the number for Angela Manning, on South Maple.”

149 ”Hold for your number.” In three seconds Kari had the number for an A.

Manning at an address that had to be the Silverlake Apartments. She scribbled it on a notepad near the phone and stared at it for nearly a minute. Her breathing was shallow and fast, and she felt faint. But there was no other way to find him.

She punched the numbers quickly before she could change her mind. A woman answered on the second ring.

”h.e.l.lo?” She sounded older than twenty-four.

”Yes.” Kari cleared her throat. Help me, Lord .. give me the words. ”I'm looking for Tim Jacobs.”

The woman said nothing.

Kari felt her courage building. What did she have to fear? She wasn't the one having an affair, after all. She could call her husband if she wanted to. ”I said I'm looking for Tim Jacobs. Is he there?”

”Who is this?”

The anger was returning. ”This is his wife. Who's this?” Again the woman was silent, but Kari heard her set the phone down, and after nearly a minute Tim picked it up with a huff. ”Kari?”

She wasn't prepared for the warring emotions that came over her at the sound of his voice. Should she cry and beg him to come home or curse him for leaving?

Kari closed her eyes and prayed for strength. ”h.e.l.lo, Tim.” Her voice shook, and she felt nauseous. ”We need to talk.”

Tim's voice was furious. ”What are you thinking, calling me here? Did Eleanore give you the number? I can't believe she'd do that to me.”

That answered one question; the journalism department definitely knew about his affair. Kari held back the tears and clenched her fists. ”No ... the operator gave it to me. I know who she is, Tim. There's no other A. Manning listed.”

He lowered his voice. ”Listen, there's a time and place to talk about things, Kari, and this is neither.”

150 Kari could barely catch her breath from the shock of Tim's att.i.tude. He isn't even a little sorry, G.o.d. What am I supposed to say?

”I tried calling you at work all day, and you weren't in your office.” Kari blinked her eyes and felt the first tears spill onto her cheeks. ”I left you eight messages.”

A frustrated sigh sounded in Kari's ear. ”I was going to call you in a few days.

You're right. We need to talk.”

Kari noticed that her husband's words were not slurred, and she felt the slightest bit of relief. ”I'm meeting with Pastor Mark tomorrow.” Kari s.h.i.+elded her eyes with her free hand and gripped her forehead with her thumb and forefinger. ”He asked if you'd come.”

”What?” For the first time since he'd gotten on the phone, Tim's voice held traces of weary sadness. ”Kari, give it up. Please. I want a divorce, not a counseling appointment. For G.o.d's sake, I'm living with Angela.”

The tears came harder, and she sobbed softly, searching for her voice. ”It's for G.o.d's sake that I want you to come with me tomorrow. I'm still your wife, Tim.

We can work through this.”

Tim sounded exasperated. ”We should've gotten counseling a year ago when I was so lonely that I didn't even feel married.” He exhaled hard. ”Look, I wanted to end things on good terms with you, Kari. But nothing you or anyone else might say could convince me to stay married. I've already moved on; it's too late to turn back.”

”All I want is for you to give us a try.” Kari was weeping openly now. ”Is that too much to ask, Tim? After all we've shared?” ”And all I want is a divorce.” He sucked in a breath, and Kari thought he sounded tired. ”Quickly, quietly, and without fanfare. The same way other couples get divorced.” Tim's tone had turned cold as winter wind. ”Is that too much to ask? After all we've shared?”

Kari's pain turned to raging fury. ”I don't know what kind of monster you've become or what you've done with the man I still love, but I know this much-” She shook with fury, her fists 150.

151 tight the fingernails dug into the palms of her hands. She opened them then, spreading her fingers out against her still flat abdomen. ”I will never give you a divorce. Our baby deserves more than that.”

Without saying another word, Kari slammed the receiver back on the base. There.

Let him chew on that while he slept in Angela Manning's arms tonight. She relaxed her hands and went back to the living-room sofa, where she lay on her side and felt the anger drain from her body. In its place was an odd sense of detachment, as if her body and emotions had gone numb.

She sat up, replaying her conversation with Tim. She would have given anything to see him try to explain the phone call to Angela, all the while hiding the panic he had to be feeling now that he knew he was to be a father. He'd have to be frantic with concern, desperate to talk to her. She'd probably get back to her parents' house that night and find a dozen messages from him.

But then she gave a single, bitter laugh, remembering the hurtful things he'd said and the chill in his voice.