Part 17 (1/2)

First, she would never do to another woman what the nameless woman had done to her mother. She would avoid married men at all costs.

Second, if love could destroy a person the way it had destroyed her mother, then she'd stay single all her days. She would never be like her mother, saddled down with a child and begging some man to stay. Absolutely not. Single and independent, responsible all by herself to keep the spark of joy alive within her.

Sure, she'd dated before. Guys like Dirk Bennett, who were good for nothing more than pa.s.sing the time. Still, she had kept her heart too far buried to worry about losing it to any man.

But all that changed when she met Tim.

Don't fall for him, she'd warned herself. The professor was a married man, a man already given over, heart and soul, to his wife.

But ever since she'd come back to school that fall, Angela had known for certain Tim's heart was no longer given over to the woman he'd married.

It was given to her.

She drew in a slow, cleansing breath. She had nothing to 140 worry about. Tim would be back. Because no matter how he'd annoyed her last night, no matter where he was this morning, no matter how far she'd fallen from the person she'd intended to be, she wasn't letting go of what she'd found. She felt safe in his arms, safer than she'd felt since she was a child. He was witty and charming, a brilliant writer and teacher with a charisma that had drawn her from the first day.

Other than her father, Tim was the only man she'd ever really loved. The only man granted permission to see completely into her soul.

Angela closed her eyes and imagined the heartbreak his wife must be suffering.

For just an instant she felt the pierce of guilt and regret, and she thought about the television preacher's words from the night before. Redemption. As if people like Tim and her might have a chance to make things right with a holy G.o.d.

She rolled over on her side and stared out the window of her apartment. She wasn't worried about G.o.d or redemption or anything but being with the man she loved.

Besides, she'd already found heaven. It wasn't some faraway place in the clouds where she might go when she died.

It was right here in the arms of Professor Tim Jacobs.

141.

Kari LET HERSELF INTO Brooke's house and called out to her sister. ”I'm here.”

”Good.” Brooke darted out of her upstairs bedroom and smiled over the railing.

”Thanks. You're a lifesaver. Our sitter's never canceled on us like this.”

”No problem. Where're the girls?”

”Hailey's already asleep. Maddie's got a fever. She's resting in bed, but not quite out yet. I'm almost ready. Be down in a minute.” ”Okay.”

Kari looked around. New carpet, new furniture. She yawned and headed for the living room. Something about Brooke's pristine house made Kari feel strangely out of place in her jeans and sweater. She cozied up in a leather recliner and wondered about her older sister. She was not glamorous or even particularly beautiful, but something about her exuded confidence and energy. She stood out in a room. Kari leaned back and stared at an elegantly tasteful art piece on the opposite wall. It had always been that way with Brooke, even back when she was in high school and still attended church 142 with the rest of them. She'd always insisted on the best. Back then she was one of the best swimmers in the state and played captain on the school's state champions.h.i.+p volleyball team.

Kari remembered asking her once whether she prayed before compet.i.tion. A strangely foreign look had filled Brooke's expression. ”Not really. I just imagine myself winning, and then I go out and win.”

That was how Brooke lived to this day. Married to Peter West, one of the top internists at St. Anne's Hospital, and months away from having her medical license to practice pediatrics, Brooke had always played out her life as smoothly as one of her sporting events.

For Brooke, everything from her job and her gorgeous estate home to her adorable little blonde daughters had been a simple matter of imagining herself winning and then going out and doing it. Being the best. Having the best. All without even a remnant of the faith she'd been brought up in.

Kari thought about her own life and inhaled slowly. It didn't seem fair.

Brooke came lightly down the stairs dressed in a conservative black evening gown. She smiled at Kari and sat in the big chair beside her. ”You look seventeen.”

Kari's eyebrows lifted. ”Me?”

Brooke nodded. ”Maybe it's the jeans.”

”Maybe.” They studied each other for a minute, a comfortable silence between them.

”Ashley told me you saw Ryan.”

Kari bit her lower lip and gazed out the window into the dark night. ”At church the other day.”

”Well?” Brooke raised a single eyebrow, and the corners of her mouth lifted.

”How did it go?”

Kari adjusted her position so that she could see Brooke better. ”Meaning?”

Brooke hesitated. ”Meaning the guy's been in love with you 143 since the beginning of time. He's single, gorgeous ... you know what I mean.

How'd it go?”

Anger grabbed Kari's heart, and she crossed her arms, pinning them against her body. ”I think you're forgetting something.” ”What?” Her sister's expression was blank.

”I'm married, Brooke. Remember? Doesn't that count for anything?”

Brooke uttered a short laugh. ”Is that what you call it?” She leaned over her knees and locked eyes with Kari. ”Listen, little sister. By the time a guy moves in with his girlfriend and asks for a divorce, marriage is just a technicality.”

Kari's anger doubled. ”It's more than a technicality to me. I made a promise before G.o.d and everyone.”

Brooke rolled her eyes and smiled sadly. ”So that's what this is about. Some commitment to an all-powerful G.o.d who wouldn't have the sense to release you from a marriage like yours?”

Kari's jaw dropped, and her eyes opened wide. ”Brooke, listen to you! How can you say that?”

”It's true.”

Kari had no idea Brooke had fallen this far in her faith. ”Don't you believe even a little?”

There was a hesitation. ”Of course I believe. It's how we were raised.”

”I'm not talking about how we were raised.” Kari splayed her fingers over her chest. ”I'm talking about a relations.h.i.+p with G.o.d.” She paused, searching Brooke's face. ”That's what keeps' me going. Even when I don't think I'll last another minute.”

Brooke studied her and nodded slowly. ”So you're not going to divorce him?”

”No. I told you that.”