Chapter 479 - I am a Scholar! (2/2)
Zhang Ye shrugged and said, ”Alright, let's just put it that way. Anyway, Teacher Yao is really incredible. He shot a commercial, a drama, and even starred in a movie.”
Yao Jiancai nodded his head. ”Indeed, I was featured in a few.”
Zhang Ye grabbed his forefinger and said, ”Teacher Yao's first movie, that movie was called… called… right, it was called 'The Widow'!”
Yao Jiancai asked in confusion: ”The widow? I played the widow?”
Zhang Ye: ”No, you are the husband of the widow.”
Yao Jiancai: ”I'm dead?”
Zhang Ye answered, ”This movie ill.u.s.trated how a widow, after the death of her husband, strived hard in life and how she pushed forward. It was a very inspirational movie!”
Yao Jiancai stared at Zhang Ye with widened eyes. ”I am not in the movie!?”
Zhang Ye answered, ”You are. Without you, how would she able to become a widow? You were in the very first scene of the movie, at the graveyard.” He ill.u.s.trated with his fingers. ”On top the tomb, your photo was placed there.”
Yao Jiancai, ”.........”
The audience laughed without any restraint!
Zhang Ye looked at the crowd, ”That was Teacher Yao's first movie. Un, he was even more incredible in the second movie. Teacher Yao was the male lead!”
Yao Jiancai delightfully replied, ”Male lead?”
Zhang Ye said: ”Yes, this movie was called 'Millstone'. It depicted how the protagonist pulled a millstone to explore the world!”
Yao Jiancai asked in a dumbfounded manner, ”Pulling a millstone? I was playing a donkey?! Then, what kind of world was I exploring!? Wouldn't I just be turning in circles!”**
The audience burst into laughter, ”Aiyohahaha!”
Zhang Ye said, ”The movie which Teacher Yao became famous for was actually the third one, 'Zhang Ergou Becomes Brutal and Kills His Father in a Most Urgent Tragic Tale'!”
Yao Jiancai replied, ”Woah, that name is really long.”
Zhang Ye: ”They needed two cinema screens in order to display this t.i.tle horizontally. Zhang Ergou was a bad child. After killing his father, he chopped him up and incinerated him in flames. Afterwards, when the police investigated the case, Teacher Yao's first appearance was when the coffin was opened.”
Yao Jiancai questioned, ”So I am still playing as a dead person? Furthermore, in many pieces this time?”
Zhang Ye answered, ”It's still okay. Your next of kin was still able to recognize you by your legs.”
The female judge covered her face as she giggled non-stop.
The male judge couldn't resist flas.h.i.+ng a smile. However, he retracted his smile quickly.
Zhang Ye: ”The fourth movie was a huge production. There was a thriller horror movie over at Hong Kong named 'Dumpling' and they invited Teacher Yao to make an appearance.”
Yao Jiancai remarked happily, ”Finally, a big production.”
Zhang Ye ill.u.s.trated wildly with his hands as he said, ”This movie depicted how a murderer made dumplings out of the people he killed. Teacher Yao was playing the role of the 'filling'.”
Yao Jiancai replied, ”Alright! Looks like even my legs were ground down this time!”
Zhang Ye gave him a thumbs up, ”Incredible.”
Yao Jiancai said, ”What's so incredible about that? I became only minced meat!”
Some of faces of the audience were tired from laughing as their cheeks began to hurt!
Zhang Ye: ”We should learn from you and respect you. You are our role model. Just like how the saying goes, there is a mountain beyond a mountain, a brothel beyond a building!”
Yao Jiancai stopped him, ”That's not it! That's incorrect! You keep saying the wrong words. It is ‘there is a mountain beyond a mountain, a building beyond a building'!
Zhang Ye stared at him. ”Brothel beyond a building?”
Yao Jiancai answered, ”Why do you keep talking about brothels! Do you often go there? It is building beyond a building.”
Zhang Ye nodded his head. ”There is a mountain beyond a mountain, a building beyond a building. A capable person has someone s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g him from behind!”***
s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g (neng)—This was a slang in Beijing, as well as a phrase from the northern regions with the same meaning as 'doing'.
Yao Jiancai interrupted, ”Capable person (you neng ren)!”
”Screw (neng)!” Zhang Ye followed suit.
The hands of the cameraman responsible for the filming shook as he tried to suppress his laughter!
Yao Jiancai shouted, ”Who are you s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g (neng)! It is capable person (neng ren)! With this kind of standard, you still dare to claim that you are an academic? What kind of academic are you? Do you research such stuff everyday?”
Zhang Ye: ”I also research other things as well, such as the art of crosstalking.”
Yao Jiancai nodded in approval: ”It is good to research that.”
Zhang Ye said, ”Crosstalking is a simple form of art, as well as a profound one. It is simple because anyone can do it as long as they have a mouth. However, it isn't easy to do it well. For example, the addition of some cus.h.i.+oning words and empty words can change the tone. There are many things that one has to take note of, as well as many things to research about. Let me give you an example, ‘You came, huh? Hurry up ok, uh’ sit down, ah’ drink some water, o’ goodbye. With a cus.h.i.+oning word, it gives the speech an amiable tone, otherwise, it would sound out of place.” He suddenly shouted hoa.r.s.ely: ”You came! Sit down! Drink water! Goodbye!”
Yao Jiancai exclaimed in shock, ”You will scare the person to death!”
Zhang Ye carried on. ”For example, there are some females who like to put the empty words in front. When they meet an acquaintance outside, they would greet them, ‘Yo, auntie, what are you doing ah'. It won't do if the empty word is placed at the back.”
Yao Jiancai suggested,: ”You give it a try?”
Zhang Ye imitated the speech of a woman: ”Auntie, what are you doing… Ahyo!!!” The last syllable sounded like it was roared out.
Yao Jiancai rolled his eyes. ”Lad, did someone step on your foot?”
Zhang Ye pointed to the floor and said, ”The auntie fell into the drain.”
”Hahaha!”
”Hahahaha!”
The entire room was filled with laughter!
Judges, audience, and even the program staff and cameramen of the show were amused. Some of the young ladies among the audience even had tears flowing out from their eyes from all the laughter!
Tang Dazhang's face darkened!
The three fellow brothers beside him didn't say anything. That was because they were at a loss for words!
This work had already surpa.s.sed everyone's expectations!
*Reference to 绿帽, (green hat) means being made a cuckoo of
**Donkeys were used to pull mills in the past. When you pull the mill, you are turning it in circles.
*** He means to say a capable person has a capable person behind his back. Capable person (nengren). He changes it into (ren neng) → person s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g, or person behind his back s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g.
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