Part 5 (2/2)

CHAPTER TWELVE.

GRACE.

The man reeks of confidence.

A confidence I would love to hold myself, but my past has made me so damaged that I know that it could never happen. I sometimes feel like I am a lost soul, just going through the motions of every day living, just praying that someone will help get me out of it. I'm not stupid enough to think that I live in a fairy tale, this is the real world and s.h.i.+t happens. s.h.i.+t has definitely happened in my past and I don't deserve the fairy tale or to even walk around my peers with the same amount of confidence as Samuel possesses.

I'm damaged goods; I'm the devil in disguise.

I only bring pain and loneliness to the people I have ever loved or who should love me, but can't because it's too hard to let me get too close. That's why my father left; I was too hard to deal with so he left me with the woman who was supposed to love me unconditionally. Instead, she hated me and my father had left me to that life without a care to the world. I deserve it though, I'm a horrible person.

I'm a pathetic excuse of a human being. I am soon pulled out of those very thoughts and they are soon forgotten until I allow them to reemerge as I realize we are out on the streets of London walking along the south bank of the river Thames and towards the London Eye. It's so big as I look up and stop dead in my tracks, staring at the large ferries wheel. Samuel stops and looks at me with a questioning look.

”Where are we going?” I ask him as I try to swallow around the words. I can feel a tug at my hand and Samuel's smile loosens the fear that holds me to my spot.

”Come. There's nothing to worry about, I'll protect you.” And he gives me a wink and I can't help the words that fall from my stupid lips.

”If only you could.” He looks me up and down, trying to take in what I've said, but I'm not going to elaborate so I don't say anything. He pulls me towards the front entrance and we are quickly walked to one of the many capsules which we have all to ourselves. Samuel lets go of my hand and I watch as he walks right up to the gla.s.s and I can see him watch the view as I feel the capsule move.

”What are we doing, Samuel? Don't we have work to do?” He turns around and I see the biggest smile I have ever seen grace his face and I'm sure another part of the ma.s.sive wall I've built around myself begins to crumble, but not yet fall.

”Of course, but it can wait for now. Come have a look.” He gestures out his hand for me again and I don't know why, but I take that hand and step up to the gla.s.s. As we continue to get higher I can see the beautiful view of London laid out beneath me and I can't believe that in all the years I have lived here I have never thought of doing this before, it's simply beautiful. It revolves around at a slow and steady pace so you have the time to take everything in. We can see Canary Wharf, Tower of London, Tower Bridge, Buckingham Palace, The Mall, Big Ben looks proud and tall and the whole scene before me is stunning.

I sense Samuel step away from me, but I just take in the view.

”I have something for you.” I'm sure I have misheard him but as I look towards him I see that he has a small box in his hands and my body goes into some type of shock.

”What?” I manage to get out and all Samuel does is shake his head at me as he gives away a little giggle.

”Don't worry; it's just to say thank-you.” With that he opens the box and inside is a beautiful pair of gold diamond stud earrings. They look so expensive and there is no way that I can accept them, he has done too much already for me and I can't let him do anymore, I can't.

”They're just to say thank-you, Grace, don't panic” It's a rather expensive gift just to say thank-you and before I know it he's putting the box in my bag ”I can't.”

”Yes, you can, and I want you to have them.” All I can do is look away from him as I say thank-you and out of the corner of my eye I can see his smile as he thinks he's won.

As we get closer to the ground I can't help, but melt at the wondrous look upon Samuel's face.

”I guess we should get back to the office now.” He turns away from the view that is slowly disappearing beneath us and shakes his head at me.

”What?” I can't help, but ask him as I can hear the laughter he releases at my expense. I can't help, but fear it is centered at me. Just like everyone else.

”So quick to go back to work, have you ever just allowed yourself to have some fun, Grace?” He looks at me in that way he does and I can feel myself become uneasy at his question.

”Fun.”

”Yes, Grace, fun. Many people do it during the weekends or of an evening, anytime they feel like it; you should give it a try.” I am left speechless as I take in his words and I can see the small smile he gives away as he watches me and takes in my reaction to his statement. What a jerk, I mean who does this guy think he is. I mean, he's my boss, my very attractive boss, but what gives him the right to say this to me? I'm just about to tell him what for when the b.a.s.t.a.r.d beats me to it.

”Do you even know how to have fun?” That's it, I've had enough of this, of course I know how to have fun, and who does he take me for? A complete loser? Oh my G.o.d, I am so stupid, that's completely what I am, but I can't let this man know that. There is no way that I can let anyone know that I have no friends, that I keep myself isolated in the fear of getting people hurt or hurting myself more than I already do. That's why my father left and why my mother hates me and I can't help, but shed a tear as I think of my lost family, the family I never or will ever have. I can feel a sudden squeeze of my hand and as I look up Samuel has his perfectly-shaped brows up.

”Are you still with me, Grace?”

”Y...yes.” I can't help, but stutter around that one word and as I try to control the need to run and protect myself I can see Samuel doesn't believe me.

”Are you sure? You looked like you were somewhere else?”

”Yes. Samuel, I said yes didn't I.” I didn't mean to sound so abrupt, but at the thought of him not believing my little lie it just kind of came out. I try to cover my face with my hands; at the moment it seems to be the only way to hide. I can feel Samuel's hands on mine before I see them and he begins to remove my hands from my face.

”You're too pretty to hide.” He whispers, so only I can hear him as he searches my face. I can feel the tingles shoot up my entire body as it heats up under his stare. I can't help, but look down, there's no point looking at him because the moment I do I will think he would actually mean it and there is no way that that could be a possibility.

”Never look down, Grace.” And he pushes my chin up so I'm forced into the sea of grey that are his eyes and I can see honesty there, but it's not for me. There is no way it could be for me, I'm damaged and unworthy of anything good, history has taught me that over and over again, I just never seem to learn from my lessons. I can sense him looking at me again with that questioning look of his and once he has my attention again he begins to talk.

”Am I right in remembering you're without a cell phone?”

”I have a mobile” He rolls his eyes at me.

”I know that, but you said it wasn't for calls.” This is so embarra.s.sing, how can I explain to a man who has as much money as Samuel does that I can't afford credit. There is never anyone that I would want to talk to anyway; no-one wants to talk to me so why spend money on something when I could put it towards my mortgage.

”What's the matter, Grace?” I take in a breath while watching him continue his staring match and no matter how many times he does it; it still leaves me uneasy, but tingly all over.

”I couldn't afford it, OK.” He watches me the entire time with his head held high and once I have confessed he lowers it as if he has just understood me.

”Come on.” In a flash he takes hold of my hand again and leads me to a black cab where he asks the driver to take us to Oxford Street. I can feel his eyes watching me, trying to read my thoughts, but there's nothing to read anyway so I don't know why he is even bothering.

”Why do you keep watching me?” I can't help, but ask nervously.

”I think there's a lot to know about you. A lot that you don't like sharing with people.” I focus on the window as I can feel his eyes a.s.sessing me, but he doesn't say anything else as the cab takes us to our destination. Once there, Samuel takes me through all the people to one of the most expensive phone shops I have ever heard of. As much as I try to decline him he doesn't give up and I end up leaving the store with the most expensive phone that they had. It's ridiculous, I don't need the darn thing, I didn't need the earrings which are burning a hole in my bag, but he insisted and when he does that it's very hard to say no. I will give Samuel his due, when he wants something he's persistent and he gets what he wants. The b.a.s.t.a.r.d.

We make our way back to the office where I watch Samuel give a meeting to everyone to let them all know what has happened and they all seem surprised, many just seem to be grateful that they can keep their jobs. Samuel controls every room he enters and he conveys so much power and confidence that it is overwhelming. He's a sight to be seen while he is in his element and you can tell he is enjoying every moment of it. We spend the next couple of weeks sorting out the business and getting it back on track, two weeks in and Samuel officially announces the job roles that are now needing to be filled. The applications come rolling in and together we go through them all. During this time I get to know Samuel quite well.

He's the only son of both the owners of the business and is obviously the only heir. It appears that he has a very close family and I feel envious as he describes his family. The love he holds for each member comes out in waves as he talks about them and his face lights up. He has a mother and father, his uncle has been married twice. The first wife died not long after Samuel was born and the second he divorced soon after they returned from him working in London. He has three sisters who each have a husband and children and the same for his three cousins. There's a six year age gap between him and the younger daughter, but you can tell from the way he speaks of them they all get on well with each other, even if there are times they don't all see eye to eye. As he talks of days out, holidays or parties it is always as a big family group, they never did anything unless they all did it together and to have grown up in such a family must have been overwhelming, but nice. It's still the same now he has told me, but then he really surprised me by saying I would find out myself soon enough. I don't know what he meant and the scary thing is I don't do what I would normally do and go into panic and stress mode, I actually like the idea of seeing a normal family. While he was younger he would get teased by his siblings and cousins that he was the favorite just because he was a boy. The very idea that a group of teenage girls would chase a tormented five year old Samuel around until they could clothe him up like a girl practicing their make up techniques on him has me laughing so much that I'm sure I almost pee myself. I never had siblings myself so to hear what Samuel and his got up to puts my hopes up that there is such a thing as a happy perfect family. My own family is anything but, but what Samuel is describing and as much as I have always thought that I was OK with what I was dealt with I am beginning to realize that mine are far from happy or perfect and I long for what Samuel had growing up. How maddening is that? To wish for a life you can never have, for a childhood you can never get back. It is useless, but even so I still enjoy listening to Samuel. The way his lips move is mesmerizing and I can slowly feel myself being pulled further into the Samuel effect. His grey eyes tell me what he is thinking even with no words being said, he is happy to tell me his stories, stories that I can tell he rarely tells anyone else, but he thinks enough of me to choose me. As the weeks slowly go by I am beginning to realize that he is far away from the rich boy I had irrationally thought of him as. He is so much more than that, he is kind and thoughtful and I find myself enjoying spending my time with him. The only future I have ever thought of is a work or bricks and mortar home, I never once saw myself with a man I loved or who loved me. A family of my own was never anything I felt I deserved so I would keep it to the back of my mind, but the more time I spend with Samuel, the more he is bringing those very thoughts to the surface and making me think of those things with Samuel by my side. I had never thought that would be anything I would ever envision myself doing before and although the thoughts are scary I can't help, but be hopeful that they will one day happen. As much as I try to allow these thoughts to rule my head as well as my heart there is always that little voice deep within me that reminds me of how bad I am.

That I don't deserve to be happy, that I am unworthy Soon we have all the roles filled.

Samuel seems far less stressed and more relaxed as we go through each new person's training sessions. As I look at each schedule I feel so bad for each of them, their training is so intense, but Samuel a.s.sures me that once trained they will be prepared for their new roles. There is a complete change in the atmosphere at work, everyone seems more relaxed and calm, and it is like working in a completely different building. Everyone seems happy and I find for the first time in what feels like a life time - which I suppose in a way it is - I am happy as well. Over the last few weeks I have been waking after a good night's sleep completely refreshed and daring to get into work and see what the day has in store for me. I am becoming more confident in my abilities to do the job that Samuel asks of me and I have even started to speak with a few of the other girls in the office. They are all so nice it makes we wonder why I have always s.h.i.+ed away from people; it isn't nearly as scary as I have always feared it would be. I am beginning to look in every mirror I see and see a different person staring back at me. It is refres.h.i.+ng not to see the scared timid girl that would normally greet me and I can never stop the smile spread on my face. I am sure Samuel can tell I am changing, he looks at me with a ma.s.sive smile on his face and he touches my hand or my arm more often as if he thinks I will be more accepting of his advances. I am in my own little way, my feelings for him as I get to know more about him are becoming more intense and I dread the day he will move back to America. I will miss him terribly, but the thought of anything more still scares me enough to not allow my feelings to develop. The effects of losing him with more emotions involved would be even worse and still a part of me can hear those oh-so-familiar words telling me that I am unworthy and no-one like Samuel will ever have feelings for someone like me. I am doing so well that I try hard to ignore those horrible little noises and I am so busy with work that I never really have time to dwell on my old insecurities.

We are coming into the last week of April and everything within the business is going so well. It is the Friday morning and I am showing the ropes to a new intern that has just started when my mobile starts to ring. As I pick it out from the confines of my pocket I can see the words Rich Boy staring me in the face.

”h.e.l.lo, Samuel.”

”Grace could you please come to my office.”

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