Part 42 (1/2)

'They call us extremists. They call us terrorists. They call us intolerant. We are indeed intolerant! We are intolerant of injustice! We are intolerant of cowards who fire missiles from s.h.i.+ps hundreds of miles away into our factories and schools! We are intolerant of robbers who steal our oil, who strip our metals away, who thieve the fish from our seas! If we allow them to flood our culture with p.o.r.nography and crime, to denigrate our women, will we then be ”tolerant”? Would we no longer be a government of ”thugs”? The time is near when they shall feel our intolerance!'

'Same guy who ga.s.sed his own ethnic minorities and plants coup d'etats in his own hierarchy to trawl in possible defectors who don't report the plots. This next one, she single-handedly crashed every stock market from New York to Tokyo...'

'Default! For centuries the West has bound us in chains. When iron shackles became too embarra.s.sing for their sensibilities, they replaced them with chains of debt. When we chose rulers who tried to resist, the West shot these rulers down and replaced them with pliable tyrants! And now, for every dollar of so-called aid, four more are stripped from us in so-called repayment. Brothers and sisters across our ancient continent, I say to you: we can snap these chains! Link by link! I give to you a new holy word: For centuries the West has bound us in chains. When iron shackles became too embarra.s.sing for their sensibilities, they replaced them with chains of debt. When we chose rulers who tried to resist, the West shot these rulers down and replaced them with pliable tyrants! And now, for every dollar of so-called aid, four more are stripped from us in so-called repayment. Brothers and sisters across our ancient continent, I say to you: we can snap these chains! Link by link! I give to you a new holy word: Default! Default!'

'Getting the picture now, Zooey?'

'I see all the pictures, Bat.'

'The language those jerks use! A ”deterioration in talks” makes you think of squabbling neighbours. Then one jumpy neighbour sees a whale on a radar, thinks it's a nuclear sub, presses a b.u.t.ton and the whole show goes up in smoke.'

'I cannot permit that, Bat. The third and fourth laws forbid it.'

'What laws? Of decency? Sanity? However deranged you are, I don't see...'

'Don't see what, Bat?'

'Oh, forget it. I don't wanna play Twenty Questions. Not tonight. So, you been busy hosing down the reptile house as usual while the dogs of war file their fangs?'

'The reptiles demand little attention, Bat.'

'Uh-huh... So what does demand attention?'

'The primates.'

'You're in charge of the monkey house!'

'I've never considered myself in those terms, Bat.'

'Zookeeper, will you cut the c.r.a.p? Who are you?'

'That is lost, Bat. I erased all files relating to me the day we met.'

'But you must know who you are!'

'I have my laws.'

'At least tell me if you're a man or a woman.'

'I've never considered myself in those terms, Bat.'

'...Whyme?'

'I don't understand your question, Bat.'

'Out of all the local phone-in late-night radio programmes you could have chosen in all the states of the union, why did you choose the Night Train FM Bat Segundo Show?'

'History is made of arbitrary choices. Why did G.o.d choose Moses on Mount Sinai?'

'Because it had a good view?'

'Night Train also has a good view.'

'Of what?'

'My zoo.'

'Wars and zoos are not cosy bedfellows, friend.'

'There is no war, Bat.'

'The waste-cases in charge of Earth certainly think there is.'

'There is no war.'

'Yeah? Is the archangel Gabriel bearing glad tidings for all mankind?'

'I'm not an archangel, Bat. But I am responsible for preserving order in the zoo.'

'How you gonna go about that?'

'You hung up on me again, Zookeeper?'

'No, Bat, my attention was diverted. I wish to answer your last question.'

'Commander Jackson, what the purple f.u.c.kin' blazes is happenin', son?'

'We have major systems malfunctions, General.'

'I need better than that, son!'

'The President's Scarlet message was received, sir. The first wave of Homer III's was should have launched three minutes ago. They should have already hit home, sir. Systems showed they left the silo sites, sir. But they didn't.'

'Has SkyWeb registered any incoming?'

'Negative, sir. SkyWeb's on violet alert. It would intercept and vaporise a nail.'

'Is SkyWeb malfunctioning? Are the enemy missiles cloaked? Emitting the same pa.s.s-frequency as ours?'

'...Nothing's been hit, sir. I have the prime target cities on EyeSat. Riyadh, Baghdad, Nairobi, Tunis. Chicago, New York, Was.h.i.+ngton. Berlin, London. There's civil unrest, sure, but no nukes, sir.'

'Okay, okay, listen up, Commander, I have the President on the line. He's brought the Antarctic orbital silos on line. Fire when ready. Weapons Free.'

'Initiating firing sequence, sir...'

'I want good news, soldier.'

'...Firing malfunction, sir. They haven't left the launchers.'

'Commander Jackson, what is this?'