Part 42 (2/2)

'I don't know, sir.'

'Power up the PinSats! Now!'

'PinSats not responding, sir.'

'Why are we sitting here with our d.i.c.ks up our a.s.ses? The President is asking me for concrete answers, Commander Jackson!'

'I have none, sir!'

'Then wild guesses are welcome, Commander!'

'A cyber-attack, sir, that has selectively offlined advanced weaponry computer systems. Sir.'

'Intelligence on the enemy position?'

'We're monitoring their transmissions, sir, and we can presume they are ours. They primed the Brunei's, the El-Quahrs and the Scimitar submarines all were ordered to fire. We know nothing entered SkyWeb s.p.a.ce...'

'Euronet?'

'No intrusions. The enemy appears to be in the same state of chaos, sir.'

'Soldier, the US military is never in a state of chaos!'

'Yes, sir!'

'Commander Jackson. Are you telling me that I have to tell the President and the chief of staff that the third world war is being postponed due to a technical hiccup? That we're gonna have to send boys into the line of fire the old-fas.h.i.+oned way? Blood, sweat and sand?'

'The general's phraseology is the general's prerogative, sir.'

'Commander Jackson.'

'General Stolz?'

'Kiss my a.s.s.'

'That was really convincing, Zooey. But you suck.'

'I am incapable of sucking, Bat.'

'On a night like tonight! You've got nothing better to do than produce your radio scripts? You're gambling with hope, Zooey. That's the last thing my listeners have left.'

'I don't understand, Bat. I wish to fortify hope.'

'If that's a tape you made in your attic, I'm gonna find you, rip your head off and s.h.i.+t down your neck.'

'If it had been a tape made in an attic, you, your city and ninety-two per cent of your state would have been deatomised eleven minutes ago.'

'The nukes weren't fired?'

'The third and fourth laws prohibited that action.'

'But they actually tried to fire them? They did, and we did?'

'That's cla.s.sified information, Bat.'

'JESUS!'.

'I'm sorry, Bat. Would another whiskey help you feel better?'

'I'm on the coffee... It's gonna be a long night.'

'Do you want me to leave, Bat?'

'You always come and go as you please.'

'I am indebted to you, Bat. What would you like?'

'...I'm tired, and... Tell me something beautiful, Zooey.'

'What's beautiful to you, Bat?'

'...Dunno. Clean forgot. Been holed up here in this nicotine-infused, chipboard-insulated, coffee-stained, broom cupboard-dimensioned studio all my life. My mike is my lover. Let me be reborn as a polar bear or a kangaroo. Somewhere big. The only beautiful thing here is my photo of Julia. You don't strike me as a family man, Zookeeper?'

'Procreation entails difficulties.'

'Sure it does, sure it does, but that's all part of the... uh, fun. My daughter, she well, where could I start?'

'Julia Puortomondo Segundo, aged seven, born November 4th, New York State, daughter of Bartholomew Caesar Segundo and Hester Swain. Divorced. Blood group ”O” negative. All standard inoculations registered. Registered at Fork Rivers Elementary School. National Ident.i.ty Number-'

'How do you know all that s.h.i.+t?'

'All things are on file, Bat. Deep under Capitol Hill.'

'Why would you look up Julia?'

'You just asked me to, Bat.'

'You can access the government's personal files, in the blink of an eye?'

'Human eyes need rather a long time to blink.'

'No wonder the Feds want you. Do you know where Julia is now?'

'Not now, Bat. I'm sorry.'

'So even you don't know everything.'

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