Part 10 (2/2)
Chapter 12.
Breaking Controlling Powers
It is offensive to G.o.d when we let other people control us. He sent Jesus, His only Son, to purchase our freedom with His life. The Bible says we have been purchased with a price (See 1 Corinthians 6:20), and that price is the precious blood of G.o.d's only, dearly beloved Son.
If you are letting someone control your lifea”intimidate you, manipulate you, and cause you to do what you know in your heart is not righta”then you need to break those controlling powers. It is not G.o.d's will for us to be controlled by anybody except His Holy Spirit, and even that decision He leaves up to us. G.o.d won't even force His will on us, so we certainly should not let anyone else do it.
Approval addicts almost always end up being controlled and manipulated by other people. Satan always sends someone along their way who is a ”user.” A user is someone who deviously takes advantage of people for his own benefit without any concern for others.
People who are being controlled are not confronters, and those who are controllers don't like being confronted. These two types of dysfunctional people play on each other's weaknesses. One enables the other.
THE ENABLER.
We need to take some time to discuss the person who is an enabler. We can actually enable people to stay in bondage by continuing to give in to their demands instead of choosing to do what we believe is right for us as individuals.
People will take advantage of you, if you let them. They will be used by Satan to draw you away from what you should be focused on, which is G.o.d's will for you. The most vital thing for any Christian is prompt, hearty obedience to G.o.d. As we have already established, one cannot be a G.o.d-pleaser and a people-pleaser. The two will ultimately end up diametrically opposed to one another.
A woman who attended many of our conferences claimed to have an abusive past that was quite horrible. In our meetings, the woman displayed very disturbing behavior. She was disruptive. She would fall onto the floor, curl up in a fetal position, become wildly emotional when touched, and have to be literally carried out of the meeting.
We always had several people minister to her the best they could, but this pattern continued again and again. I began to dread her arrival any time I heard she was coming. I felt my heart sink when I saw her.
At times I felt bad about my negative feelings. I felt I should help her, but I honestly did not know what to do for her. There were times when she seemed as sane as anyone else, yet at other times she was quite out of control. Or as I discovered later, she was in control! She was not in control of herself, but she was controlling my meetings and my staff with her behavior.
One afternoon as I taught G.o.d's Word to a crowd of several thousand people, this woman began to act the same way she had in the past, only this time she fell out of her chair and lay on the floor between two rows of seats. The attention of everyone for several rows around her was on her. Our staff workers had to get between the rows and try to minister to her. Finally they carried her out again as they had done previously. This of course totally disrupted the meeting. They took her to a private room and prayed for her, but nothing changed.
The most vital thing for any Christian is prompt, hearty obedience to G.o.d.
One of the women who was trying to help her felt in her heart that the woman was putting on an act to get attention, so she took a bold step. She said, ”Okay, lady, you can lie here as long as you want. There will be an usher outside the door, but I am going back to my seat; I don't want to miss any more of the teaching.” She walked out of the room, stood in a hallway, and watched to see what the woman would do. When the woman thought n.o.body was looking, she got up, walked out the door, and left the building.
The woman was manipulating us to get attention. She had been abused in her past, and she did need help, but at that particular time she was using us, and we were not helping her. As long as we continued to cater to her bizarre behavior, we were enabling her to remain in her trap. Confronting her was the kindest thing we could have done.
At times we feel we are being mean if we confront people who have problems, when in reality ”tough love” is what Jesus often used to set people free.
Although Jesus had compa.s.sion for hurting people, He never merely felt sorry for them. And whenever possible he helped them help themselves. He instructed them to take some particular action, and frequently His instructions were shocking. For instance, He told a crippled man to rise, take up his bed, and go home (See Matthew 9:6). He told a man who had just received a report that his daughter was dead not to be afraid (Mark 5:35-36). When Jesus saw a blind man, He spat on the ground, made some mud by mixing dirt with it, and then rubbed it on the blind man's eyes. He then instructed the man to walk to the Pool of Siloam and wash himself in it; when the man did as Jesus had commanded, he was able to see (See John 9:1-7).
Jesus often told people to do things that were not only surprising, but were seemingly impossible.
We see that Jesus often told people to do things that were not only surprising, but were seemingly impossible. How could a crippled man rise, take up his bed, and walk? After all, he was a cripple. How could a man who had just received a report of his daughter's death be expected not to fear? How could a blind man see to get to a certain pool of water when he was blind? Instead of merely feeling sorry for these people, Jesus moved them to action. He helped them get their minds off of themselves and their problems, and He motivated them to do something about them. Jesus was moved with compa.s.sion (See Matthew 9:36 KJV). He was moved to do something besides enable people to stay the way they were.
When Martha wanted Jesus to instruct her sister Mary to get up and help her work, Jesus told Martha that she was anxious and worried about too many things and that Mary was doing what was right in wors.h.i.+ping Him (See Luke 10:38-42). Jesus was straightforward, and He did not enable anyone to remain in deception.
When we fail to confront people who are controlling us, we enable them to stay the way they are.
MAKE YOUR OWN DECISIONS.
Don't allow other people to make your decisions for you. You are being very unwise (foolish) if you let others make your choices. The Bible does say there is safety in many counselors (See Proverbs 11:14). It is a good thing to consider what others say, but the final choice must be yours. As the saying goes, ”To thine own heart be true”; otherwise, there can no real happiness.
Being controlled and manipulated steals your joy and peace. It ministers death to your spirit, your mind, your emotions, and every other part of your life. G.o.d said, ”I have set before you life and death, the blessings and the curses; therefore choose life that you and your descendants may live” (Deuteronomy 30:19).
If you are going to choose life, then you must also choose to confront those people in your life who try to control you. People will actually respect you if you have borders in your lifea”areas you let them into and areas you do not let them into.
Dave and I run Joyce Meyer Ministries together as codirectors of the ministry. We both have strong personalities and frequently give one another advice. I receive advice from Dave in every area except what I am teaching in our conferences and on television. I know I must receive that information from G.o.d's Spirita”and not Dave or othersa”if it is to be anointed. I am a mouthpiece for G.o.d, and as such I must be led by Him in what I teach.
Dave has his own areas of expertise. He was in the engineering field prior to entering full-time ministry. When we built our ministry headquarters, he was very involved in the process because he understands that area. On a few occasions I tried to give him advice about something concerning the structure of the building, and he politely told me I should let him handle the building since that was his field.
We each receive advice from the other, but we have our borders, and we respect each other for it.
WHAT ABOUT SUBMISSION TO AUTHORITY?.
The Bible teaches us to submit to authority (See 1 Peter 2:13). We are to submit to civil authority, church authority, employer authority, parental authority, and spousal authority. A rebellious att.i.tude is one of the worst att.i.tudes we can have. If we will not submit to man's authority, we will not submit to G.o.d's authority either.
However, the question always arises, ”What if the authority I am under is unfair?” In some ways that is a hard question to answer simply because we frequently feel anything we don't want to do is unfair. G.o.d does not want nor does He expect us to be abused. But we may have to endure some things we feel are unfair.
The Bible says, ”One is regarded favorably (is approved, acceptable, and thankworthy) if, as in the sight of G.o.d, he endures the pain of unjust suffering” (1 Peter 2:19). Unjust things may happen to us in this life, but G.o.d is just, and He will always make wrong things right, if we are patient and put our trust in Him. Our suffering does not make G.o.d happy, but when we continue to do what is right even if it means we have to suffer, that does please G.o.d.
I believe the key phrase in this Scripture is ”if, as in the sight of G.o.d.” In other words, we should endure the pain of unjust suffering for G.o.d, not necessarily because we want to. The verse prior to the one I quoted above is specifically talking about submission to authority that may be unkind and unreasonable. So if we endure unjust suffering from an authority that is unkind or unreasonable, for the sake of G.o.d and His kingdom, it pleases Him.
For example, a person may be led by the Holy Spirit to remain on a job where he is not treated fairly in order to be an example to unbelievers of the proper way to behave in such a situation. Or a person may be the only believer in Jesus Christ at his company, and the Holy Spirit may lead him to remain there in order to be a light in an otherwise dark place. All too frequently we are more concerned about our own personal comfort than we are about bearing good fruit for the kingdom of G.o.d. If being in the will of G.o.d means enduring some personal suffering or discomfort, we should not be afraid of it. Anything we do for G.o.d ultimately brings a reward. G.o.d always vindicates us and brings justice into our lives, but there are times when we must endure things that seem unfair at the moment.
What if the authority I am under is unfair?
There are also times when we should not endure; instead, we should confront. Discerning when to endure and when to confront is the real key to success and fulfillment in this area. I cannot give you exact direction on this subject. There is a time to do nothing and a time to do something. Each of us must seek G.o.d and be sensitive to follow His leading.
Some people are so timid, they endure longer than they should. They become a doormat for other people to walk on. As a result, they spend their lives being mistreated. Other people confront too quickly and too often. These people need to learn the dynamics of standing still and waiting on G.o.d.
People may think they are free when they refuse to submit to anyone, but they are actually in great bondage. True freedom is being free not to exercise a freedom if exercising it would not be good for all concerned. Love is the highest law in G.o.d's kingdom, and the apostle Paul stated in Romans that if what we do causes our brother to be pained or hurts his feelings, then we are not walking in love (See Romans 14:21). Paul also said he was free to do anything he wanted to do, but he was also free to discipline his personal desires for the good of the kingdom (See 1 Corinthians 6:12 and 9:22).
Love is the highest law in G.o.d's kingdom.
As Christians, we may say we are free to do whatever we want to; however, when it comes to living in community with others, this type of philosophy simply does not work. When one person in a group or society controls everyone else, it is called a dictators.h.i.+p, not a family or a community. The only one who thinks he is happy is the dictator, and even he eventually discovers he is not happy either. G.o.d created us to live and work together in love and unity; without love and unity nothing else will ever work properly.
Let's look at some of the areas in which we are often challenged by negative authority.
WORK.
When a boss demands so much of an employee that it is ruining his home life, his spiritual life, and perhaps his health, that employee is not being rebellious if he confronts the boss and states plainly what he can and cannot do. He actually would be guiltier if he did not confront than he would be if he did confront.
G.o.d expects a person to put his marriage, his family, his home, his spiritual life, and his health before his job. If he loses his job as a result of proper confrontation, then G.o.d will help him get a better one. It is sad when a person lives in so much fear of the loss of money and reputation that he allows himself to lose his health, the respect of his family, and a good relations.h.i.+p with G.o.d. If you have been allowing someone to control you, you should ask yourself what price you are paying to have that person's approval.
As I mentioned previously, I once worked for a man who required way too much from his employees. He was a Christian leader, and I respected him greatly. In the beginning, I just a.s.sumed that whatever he told me to do must be what G.o.d wanted me to do. But after a period of time I began to realize that my life was seriously out of balance because of trying to meet all of my boss's requirements in order to keep my job.
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