68 Darkness 3 (2/2)
Mao Lu watched as Zhao Detong disappeared, he could only sigh deeply as he walked up to his own home.
\”What's the point of showing me all these memories?\” Mao Lu wondered, \”Is it to stir up all my old negative emotions, is that it? Argenti said I must embrace the darkness within me and I have to accept what I see since its a reflection of my true nature.\”
Mao Lu was still thinking about the trial as he walked through the vermillion gates and into the courtyard of his house.
\”WHAT DID YOU WANT ME TO DO? WE'VE BEEN SCREWED OVER ! THIS WAS THE ONLY OPTION\” Zhang Hou shouted, his face was twisted in a strange mixture of desperation, anger, and pain. Long gone was his vigor and handsome looks.
He appeared much skinnier now, his cheeks were hollow, and his skin was sickly yellow.
Zhang Zi's eyes were filled with tears, her pretty face twisted with anxiety, \”B-b-b-but how could you sell the house. It's your family heirloom, your Father loved this house. Your Parents entrusted it to us before they passed, no matter how bad the situation got we shouldn't have sold the house.\”
\”Hah! This house was the reason for generations of poverty in my family. If my damn Father had just sold this house years ago then I would have had money whilst growing up. I wouldn't have had to make the decisions I made, and we wouldn't be in this damn mess!!! Yet instead my Father insisted in keeping this old place and wasting all his money on maintaining it. When he died he gave me the right to sell this place if I wanted to. This is the only thing I can use as collateral, we have no other goddamn assets! How else do you think I'm gonna pay all this off?!\”
Zhang Zi was silent, she bit her plump pink bottom lip in worry. \”But even if you sell the house that's not all the debt, there's still more to pay, and where are we going to live? If we sell the house and we go bankrupt where do we go? I have no parents, there's no one we can depend on. And what about Zhang Lu, how are we going to pay for his schooling or archery? And what about the police, they're still doing an investigation right? They kept you in custody for two days. What's that about, did you really have some under the table deal with the mafia–\”
Zhang Hou threw the glass beer bottle he was holding onto the stone floor of the courtyard. The sound of its shattering silenced Zhang Zi.
\”DO YOU THINK I'D REALLY DO SOME DEAL WITH THE MAFIA! HUH!\” he spat as he yelled. \”I'd never do that!! Obviously they realised they had nothing and the investigation is over now!\” His chest heaved up and down as he breathed hard and tried to calm himself.
\”Don't worry okay, I can handle this. I'll find us a place to live and I'll make sure Lu stays in that damn school and I'll make sure we pay off all the businesses debt, okay. I'll make sure this all disappears. So just trust me.\”
Zhang Zi trembled, \”Hou, I trust you, but how the hell are you going to do that? Where will you get the money from? You know those people won't make it easy for us, if they can do all this just bec–\” Zhang Zi stopped as she noticed Mao Lu standing in the courtyard.
As Mao Lu watched all this he felt the old feelings of confusion and fear ignite inside him and he felt himself being overwhelmed by emotions and the memory.
He didn't fight it, he let himself relive this moment.
\”Mu-mu-mum what's going on? What about the house? What debt?\” Mao Lu asked.
His parents were so silent that the sound of the wind blowing by became as loud as a thunderclap.
\”Lu go into your room and pack all your essentials. Tomorrow morning we have to move to a new place.\” His Mother said softly.
\”I heard you both\” Mao Lu's expression was gloomy, \”You sold the house, Grandad loved this house. This is home, I don't want to lea–\”
A sharp slapping sound filled the air, \”LISTEN TO YOUR DAMN MOTHER! Go and pack, NOW!\”
Mao Lu held his cheek, blood dribbled from his mouth.
He clenched his fists as boiling rage bubbled inside of him.
He felt so angry that he couldn't breathe. There was so much he wanted to say, but it couldn't come out.
He couldn't even look at his parents. Finding himself walking towards his room and closing the doors behind him.
Quietly he obediently packed, all the while his hands shook, his brow sweated, and he struggled to breathe.
He was so mad that he felt himself beginning to panic.
\”See this is your problem, this has always been your problem. You just contain things. You keep that anger inside you. You let it build and build and build. Never truly letting it out, at least not properly.\” The sinister voice hissed.
\”All that bitterness, all that jealousy, all that anger. After all these years since you refuse it and hide it, it has grown into an ugly monster inside of you. It wants to come out.\”
Mao Lu screamed, \”GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!\” He knocked his forehead against the floorboards repeatedly. He didn't think he could handle this trial, this was only the start yet he felt defeated. He wanted to leave.
\”Once the trial starts you can't end it you know. You have to see this through to the end.\” The voice laughed.
As it laughed the scenery changed again.
.....…
\”BONK BONK BONK\” was the sound of the Judge's wooden hammer.
\”For attempted family suicide and manslaughter of your wife Zhang Zi you are sentenced to life in prison. From here on you will be incarcerated in Beijing Municipal Prison.\” The Judge announced in a dull tone.
\”Court dismissed.\” The judge said with finality as he stood up and left.
Police officers walked up to Zhang Hou who was standing there quietly, he appeared much older and tired.
Mao Lu watched from the stands.
As he was being escorted out by the officers, Zhang Hou looked back at Mao Lu sadly. He didn't say anything, their eyes only connected briefly before he left.
A hand patted Mao Lu on the shoulder. \”Let's go Lu-er.\” said Old lady Chen, her son Jiang Chen near her. \”You shouldn't be at a court whilst you're still mourning your Mother, come let's go back to my place.\”
Mao Lu trembled a little, he didn't turn to face Old lady Chen.
\”To pay off the business debt Dad took out a large loan from gangsters, yet even with that loan it wasn't enough to cover all the businesses debt. So now there's the debt from the business and the growing debt from those Gangsters. Yet he's all comfortable and safe in prison, but what about me. I'm 18, all the responsibility will fall on me.\” he said quietly.
\”Don't worry\” said Jiang Chen, I don't think the government will put all the debt on you, it's your Father's debt. I'm sure they'll put it all on him even if he's in prison.\”
\”The debt is under the Zhang Family name, not exclusively his. And even if the government don't come to me for the money, those gangsters sure will.\” Mao Lu said.
\”Don't worry, don't worry. You can work at my food stall and lay low and sort everything out. It'll be okay, don't be upset.\” Old Lady Chen said as she pulled Mao Lu towards her.
\”Upset?\” Mao Lu said as Old Chen saw his vacant eyes and the corner of his lips that twitched as if he were fighting the urge to laugh \”I don't feel upset at all.\”
\”You see\” the voice laughed, \”Those are your true feelings. Don't keep them inside, now is your chance, right here you can let all that anger consume you. Let it out, embrace it.\” the voice hissed in his ear.
Mao Lu's twitching lips turned into a large smile and he laughed loudly. \”Upset, why would I be upset that that arsehole is behind bars. I've never been happier, finally… Finally I'm free.\”
Mao Lu laughed until his sides hurt, then his expression darkened.
\”But it's not fair, I didn't do anything but I have to clean up all this mess!!!!!! All I ever did was what they wanted. I studied. I studied. I coped with all those stuffy dicks at school. I did everything I was supposed to! SO WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME!!!!!\” tears leaked from his eyes.
A dark empty feeling filled Mao Lu's heart. \”I'm just obsolete. I have no purpose. I can't practice archery...I probably won't have the opportunity to continue my education. Everyone around me will be moving forward and I'll just be left behind.\” he mumbled.
The cold voice whispered, \”Before you became the Gatekeeper you had no purpose. Your feelings of resentment were only rivalled by your feelings of inferiority. Your frustration. Everyday you tried your hardest to get by yet you felt worthless and so lost.\”