68 Darkness 3 (1/2)

Mao Lu blinked as he heard the gentle strumming of a cello.

The radio was playing some music which added atmosphere to the quiet family dinner.

Mao Lu felt himself being pulled into the memory, the lines between the present him and the past him blurred, soon enough he forgot he was in a trial. He began reliving this moment….

His hands were clammy, he felt nervous.

He prodded his food awkwardly.

\”S-s-so what's your opinions on love?\” he asked.

His Mother looked up from her plate and raised a perfect eyebrow before smiling like the sunshine.

\”Oh! Do you have someone you like?\” His mother asked curiously, her eyes twinkling.

\”It's not like that…\” Mao Lu fidgeted, \”It's just that it's rare that Dad isn't busy and is joining us for dinner. It was so quiet... I thought that this would be a good topic of conversation.\”

\”Well you're wrong\” His Father said, turning to Mao Lu with a distasteful expression across his handsome features. \”It's not a good topic of conversation, you should be focusing on your studies and not on love or romance. Those are only distractions, distractions that you can care about when you're successful.\”

\”You didn't meet Mum when you were successful, you loved her for years before the business got going, that's what Mum says.\” Mao Lu mumbled, he felt pressured when talking to his Father.

\”I may have loved her back then but I didn't pursue her until I was established. I didn't let my feelings distract me, understand?\” he lectured.

\”Understood.\” Mao Lu said.

Silence descended amongst them once again. The cello's melody became more sombre.

Mao Lu's hands trembled, he wanted to explain how he felt.

\”I… I read recently that there has been an increase in same sex couples. Like, you see it a lot in media these days. What's your opinion on topics like that?.. I'm just curious.\”

Zhang Hou didn't bother looking up from his food as he answered Mao Lu's question. \”It's sickening isn't it. I simply don't understand any of that, and I don't understand why the media would even slightly represent such a disgusting thing. It's an illness, really. A mental disease. If I knew anyone like that I'd recommend them to a psychiatrist.\”

Mao Lu dropped his chopsticks. His lips twitched a bit and his heart rate began to speed up. \”D-D-D-Don't you think it's a bit rude... calling it an illness. I mean it's not like it's hurting anyone… Th-They're just living their lives.\”

\”See that mentality is how this type of social disease spreads. If you preach the idea that such a thing is okay then more people will support it. But it goes against our social norms and standards, it's also just weird. Anyone like that is an abnormality which needs to be treated. Don't you think so too Zi?\”

Mao Lu felt a sharp pain in his chest, his entire body was covered in a cold sweat. Under the table his hands trembled.

\”What if… I mean I heard this crazy story at school that one of the students was... was gay and they told their parents. If you were that child's parents how would you react?\” Mao Lu asked.

\”I'd send them to the hospital. Try to find out how to cure something like that. And if nothing worked well I wouldn't want a child like that in my family.\” Zhang Hou said heartlessly, his eyelids didn't even flutter as he answered in a matter-of-fact tone.

His Mother looked a bit perplexed, \”Of course I love my child but something like that… I don't know…I really don't know.\”

Mao Lu felt a deep sickness fill his gut. He had known his parents were very reserved in their values and beliefs but hearing their views made him feel like they were physically attacking him.

\”Thank goodness you're normal. You'll marry a beautiful and rich girl like Lee Heri when you're old enough, and you're a strong and smart boy, isn't that right?\” Zhang Hou said with a slight grin.

Mao Lu swallowed the bile and queasiness in his throat. He faltered before he smiled back at his Father. It was a fake plastic smile. \”Of course.\”

The eerie voice whispered into Mao Lu's ears, \”Liar.\” before the scenery began to change again.

...

\”Nieztiche once said, beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster... for when you gaze long into the abyss. The abyss gazes also into you.\”

\”Since the rise of civilisation, there has always been a thirst for knowledge, a desire for understanding. One of the biggest topics we want to understand, in actuality, is ourselves. Are we a product of nurture or nature? Are we driven by rationality or emotion? What influences the decisions we make? What develops our judgement? What is justice, what is morality, what is right and what is wrong?

If all these questions were answered, do you think it would be a good thing? Or would that break all the mental and social constructs that we have made in our ignorance? Would it change us?\”

The bell rang.

\”By your next philosophy class I would like you to write a 1,000 word essay on 'The influence of knowledge and understanding on human nature' using all the theorists that we have focused on in this lesson. Class dismissed.\”

Mao Lu blinked, he shivered as he stood up, as he did so both Fei Bing Bing and Zhao Detong grabbed onto his arms like sleepy Koala.

\”Oh my god I hate this class so much!\” Bing Bing groaned.

\”Same\” Zhao Detong sighed, \”Who actually cares what affect knowledge would have on our personalities, I for one don't. What do you think Mao Lu?\”

Mao Lu was trying to grasp the situation, the scenery had changed again, and very suddenly. A moment ago he'd been reliving a memory he thought he'd forgotten.

His brain had been foggy before but now he felt as if he'd jumped up from the depths of the ocean.

\”I'm in a trial…the Tempering Hearts trial… none of this is real. Only phantoms of the past, segments from my memories.\” Mao Lu told himself, he felt panicked and uneasy. With every memory he experienced he got sucked into it so entirely that he felt every impact, both emotionally and physically. Experiencing this all at once made him feel sick.

\”Lu, Lu!!! Earth to Zhang Lu!!! Wake up will you, did the class bore the brains out of you?\” Zhao Detong asked.

\”No...no it didn't I was just daydreaming and didn't hear you.\” Mao Lu mumbled.

\”Are you not feeling well Lu?\” Fei Bing Bing asked, looking at him with concern, \”You look really pale.\”

\”I'm fine...I just think we should go home now rather than just standing here.\” Mao Lu looked at the now empty classroom.

\”That's what I was gonna say, let's get out of here.\” Zhao Detong agreed.

Soon the trio were walking home together.

They dropped Fei Bing Bing at her home first, leaving Zhao Detong and Mao Lu together.

\”I know you're probably stressed with all the shit the media has been saying about your Dad's business, but don't worry about it, I'm sure it will all blow over eventually. I mean they're just bad rumours. I've eaten at your Dad's restaurants tons of times and the food is high quality. With your Dad's OCD nature there is no way any of the kitchens would have hygiene problems. And all that bullshit about your Dad having under the table deals with gangsters is just bullshit. Soon enough everyone will realise that.\” Zhao Detong tried to console Mao Lu.

Mao Lu was confused until the memory of this moment hit him like a bucket of icy water. This was the day...the day when everything started going bad.

\”I know you're upset but you don't have to give me the silent treatment.\” Zhao Detong pouted.

Mao Lu remained silent.

\”Well we're at my place now, so I'm gonna go. But seriously don't worry.\” Zhao Detong gave Mao Lu's shoulders a reassuring squeeze before running through the large gates of his house.