Part 4 (1/2)

Chapter 5.

October seemed to fly right by. Maddox and I were getting even closer, as if that were possible. I thought we would start to get on each other's nerves when I moved in with him, but it was the opposite effect actually. We were always hanging out with one another. When I moved in I honestly did not think Maddox was going to be around all that much because of the rumors of him going out to parties and getting girls in bed, but he became a homebody like me.

We would eat dinner together, watch movies, and play card games. It actually kind of surprised me about Maddox. The first day I met him he invited me to a party at his place but he hadn't thrown a party here yet. It didn't really bother me because I was enjoying my alone time with Maddox. I swear I learned something new about him every single day. Like how he was deathly afraid of clowns or how he absolutely loved country music. Kenny Chesney and the Eli Young Band were among his favorites.

Sarah and Jade still didn't believe me when I said nothing was going on and we were just friends, but they let it go.

Jade was still being Jade which was having fun and not having a care in the world. Ashlynn began to date a guy from her Chemistry cla.s.s, Derrick Miles. While Derrick was cute he gave me the creeps. There was just something off about him that I couldn't put my finger on. Maddox didn't like him either and told me to stay away from him, saying he didn't get a good vibe from the guy.

Then all of a sudden Jason was seeing this girl named Christy Allen who he said he'd met at a party. She seemed nice, but a little ditzy. What surprised me the most was that Jason would act really weird whenever Ashlynn and Derrick were around. It didn't matter if Christy was there or not. Jason would stiffen and glare daggers at Derrick. He tried to push it off as if he felt Ashlynn was a sister but Maddox and I both knew something was going on in Jason's head, or heart.

Sarah and Gabe were still going strong. There are some couples who are really nauseating, but Sarah and Gabe were so cute. They complemented each other really well. I always questioned true love, but when you looked at Sarah and Gabe true love was no longer a question, it was an answer.

Sarah reminded me so much of Jade, with somewhat of a filter. Whenever Sarah would talk I loved to watch Gabe. The way he looked at her made my heart melt. He looked at her with such affection and I knew that what they had was real. That maybe it really was out there and that I could maybe have it. That maybe it was a possibility.

I could feel something was changing between Sarah and Gabe because Gabe was starting to act nervous and became really jittery whenever he was around Sarah. I thought maybe something had happened between them, but Sarah seemed like her same old self. I was starting to get nervous. When I couldn't take it anymore I asked Maddox about it one night. He told me that Gabe was going to propose over Thanksgiving break. He told me not to tell anyone and that he was the only one who knew. I was so excited for them and I just wanted to see the ring. Maddox told me that he'd helped Gabe design it and that started to make me think about the tattoo that Maddox was still designing for me.

I had only known everybody for three months, but it felt like I finally had a family. Since Sarah and Gabe only lived across the hall we would have family dinners once a week. We also went to the movies and did normal things couples do.

Wait, where did that come from?

I was sitting in the living room drinking a gla.s.s of wine and reading a book when Maddox came home from work. He took his shoes off and pulled off his jacket. ”Honey, I'm home.” We always made it a ritual when he came home. I would run into his arms and give him a kiss on the cheek, but tonight it was different.

I put my gla.s.s of wine down and looked at Maddox and smiled. I started to run into his arms and he lifted me up and held me against him. I don't know if it was instinct, but I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. The room was so quiet; it felt like time stood still for forever. My eyes bulged out of my head and my heart beat so fast. I could hear Maddox breathing just as hard as I was.

I was getting ready to say, ”Welcome home,” but I didn't get to say anything because he kissed me. The second his lips touched mine I felt like I was electrocuted and brought back to life. Before his lips touched mine it felt like I wasn't really living. His lips made me feel like I finally understood what all the love songs and sappy romance novels were about. His lips gave me the answer.

His lips lingered and he was staring at me, asking a question that only I could answer. Maddox started to pull back, but I grabbed his head and crushed his mouth to mine. I heard him moan and he opened his mouth and patiently waited for me to open mine in allowance and acceptance. The second our tongues touched I felt wet between my legs. Maddox pulled me even closer to him and I felt his growing erection right at my crotch.

One of his arms wrapped around my waist and the other was at the back of my head trying to deepen the kiss. I started to sigh which in turn only made Maddox groan louder. His groans made me feel animalistic and I wanted to just devour him. Make him mine.

We kissed for a few more seconds and all I wanted at that moment was for him to carry me back to his room and finish the job. No scratch that. Not job, because people work at jobs because they have to. With Maddox I wanted to.

I wanted him.

In that instant Maddox started to put me down. I wanted to grab his hand and pull him back to his room. If he wasn't going to take the initiative then I was.

The second my feet touched the floor I felt like I was going to fall over. My legs were weak and felt like jelly. I couldn't hold myself up. I don't know if I was reading way too into it, but Maddox grabbed a hold of me and never let go. I felt like he saved me and that maybe I could start to open up my heart. That maybe with Maddox I could be saved and that everything I'd been dealt in my life might have been worth it.

My eyes slowly fluttered open and I saw Maddox's pupils were dilated. He was looking at me like he wanted to rip my clothes off. I kind of wished he would. I was about to ask him why he didn't but he shook his head. I took that as a sign that the kiss didn't mean as much to him as it did to me. Not even close.

”d.a.m.n sweetheart, that was f.u.c.king amazing. I think I'm going to work every day from now on if I get a kiss like that when I come home.”

I tried to laugh it off. ”Hey now, come on munchkin, I believe you kissed me first.”

A slow smile crept onto his beautiful face and then it disappeared. ”Yeah I did and I'm so happy you ended it.”

The second he said that I pushed out of his arms and walked away from him. I never took my eyes off his. I felt like I'd been punched in the gut and the wind was knocked out of me. I thought I heard my heart breaking, but maybe that was just the deep breaths I was trying to control. I couldn't believe that I'd thought Maddox could save me or want me. Or that anyone would want me.

I walked into the living room, got the gla.s.s of wine and my book and started to make my way back to my room. I was getting ready to close the door but Maddox blocked the door with his foot.

”Sweetheart, what's wrong?”

I gulped down the rest of my wine as I made my way over to the bed. ”Nothing's wrong Maddox. Nothing at all. Everything is just the way it should be.”

Maddox clearly wasn't buying my act. ”Then tell me why you look like I just told you Santa Claus isn't real for the first time?”

Here it was. Now or never. ”Am I not a good kisser?”

”What the h.e.l.l are you talking about Isabelle? You're f.u.c.king amazing. I'm just glad you stopped.”

I couldn't believe I was going to ask the question, but I had to hear the answer even though I already knew what the answer was going to be. ”Why? Why are you glad I stopped if I'm f.u.c.king amazing as you put it?”

”Jesus. Is that what this is about? Because I said I was glad you stopped?”

When I didn't say anything and just stared at him he continued.

”Sweetheart, I'm glad you stopped because I was about to drag off all of your clothes and sink right into you. That's why I'm glad you stopped, because I wouldn't have been able to.”

”What makes you think I wanted you to stop, Maddox? Did you ever think that maybe I wanted you just as badly as you want me?”

Maddox's eyes bulged out of his head and he let out a deep breath he was holding onto like a lifeline.

”Sweetheart, please. Don't say things like that. I already want to kick myself in the a.s.s right now as it is. The words that are coming out of your beautiful, bruised lips are just killing me. Destroying me even. They're eating me up from the inside out.”

”Why not? For once I'm telling you how I feel. What I want. What I choose. And I choose you.” The second the words left my lips I didn't know what to do. The truth was finally out there, that I wanted Maddox Mitch.e.l.l.

Maddox walked back and forth in my room for a few seconds and took a deep breath. It looked like he was debating something with himself, but the second I saw him shake his head I knew I wasn't going to like the answer. ”Sweetheart, the reason I'm glad you stopped is because I wouldn't have been able to.”

My blood boiled and I lost it. I had put my empty gla.s.s of wine down next to my nightstand but I was still holding onto my book like a s.h.i.+eld trying to keep myself safe from the words leaving his mouth. I threw my book at the wall and just started screaming at him. ”Dammit Maddox, I know! You already told me your G.o.dd.a.m.n f.u.c.king excuse!”

”f.u.c.k Iz! It's not a f.u.c.king excuse! It's the G.o.dd.a.m.n truth! I have wanted you ever since I ran into you and I looked into your beautiful brown eyes! You took my breath away, but I knew something that beautiful did not deserve to be in the same place as me. Let alone be with someone like me. You deserve so much more than me, Isabelle Katherine.

I don't even know if there is someone out there who comes close to what you deserve. You deserve someone who is going to love you for forever and who is waiting for you, like you're waiting for them. You deserve respect and G.o.d, if they could give you the world they should. You deserve to be cherished and at the top of their priorities, but with you I don't know how any man could have any other priorities. f.u.c.k, I don't even know how many girls I have been inside, let alone their names. I'll be d.a.m.ned if I let someone like that near you...even if that person is me.”

I thought my heart had broken earlier, but it shattered into a million and one pieces with every word that came out of his mouth, his confession. That he wasn't good enough for me. At that moment I wished I had more wine to drink, to make myself numb and to try and forget about all of this, but I didn't. And a part of me didn't want to forget, because while his words destroyed me, they gave me hope. Hope that maybe Maddox and I could work out and start something. I'm not sure what that something was but I knew I wanted it with Maddox. I was done thinking with my head and thinking about the what if's and what could be's. I decided to take a chance and risk everything and for once, I decided to think with my heart.

I untangled myself from the bed and stood up. Maddox was up against the wall in the corner of my bedroom and had his arms up covering his face. I couldn't believe that this tattooed, muscled, beautiful man was in so much pain when I was around him. I'd had no idea and it nearly killed me.

I walked over to him and put my hands on his arms. I felt him flinch underneath my touch, but I dragged his arms down to uncover his face and what I saw completely destroyed me. Tears were pouring from his eyes and I didn't know what to do. I ended up doing the only thing I could think of in that moment.

I put a hand on each side of his face and cradled him. His eyes were still closed when I leaned up on my tiptoes and kissed him. I kissed him because to me that kiss symbolized my saving him. I wanted to take away all of his pain. I thought he was going to push me away and walk out of the room, but he pulled me up close to him and spun us around.