Part 19 (2/2)
Daniel stared open-mouthed at the taxi driver then looked at Katy.
”You heard him, get in,” she said through clenched teeth.
Daniel reluctantly got into the cab followed by a panting Katy. He slammed shut the part.i.tion window between the driver and the pa.s.senger cabin.
”Good G.o.d, how can he not recognise that I am most definitely not one of those losers who go out every weekend, gets smashed and then s.h.a.gs anything that moves.”
”Sounds like you to me,” replied Katy, the puffing slowing down slightly.
”Love you too.”
”Likewise. Thanks for getting in the cab,” she said, leaning back slowly.
”The fact that he's bigger and uglier than me had nothing to do with my decision.”
”Hasn't he called you yet then?” asked Katy as Daniel got his phone out of his pocket.
”Who? No-one. What sorry?” he b.u.mbled as he quickly stuffed it back in his pocket.
”The Strip-O-Gram? You keep checking your phone,” persisted Katy.
Right on cue the phone made four loud beeps from Daniel's pocket.
”What's he said?” asked Katy.
WILL BE AT LEEDS STATION AT 8.30AM. BIG KISS BRAINDEAD read Daniel. He allowed himself a small sigh of relief.
”Er, he says he has to leave the flat and get to work. We'll catch up later.”
Katy screwed up her face thinking that another contraction was coming but it appeared to be a false alarm.
”He has a job at this time in the morning?” she asked in an attempt to distract herself.
”Oh yes, very common you know with s.h.i.+ft workers and farmers apparently.”
”Farmers?”
”Yeah, that's right. Big demand for cow Strip-O-Grams whilst they're milking you know. Really switches them on apparently. So anyway, how far off do you think you are now from the actual birth thing? Just so I know.”
”Who knows?” she said wearily, leaning over to rest her head on his shoulder. ”They'll tell me how far dilated I am, which should be an indication.”
”But it will still be a little while yet though? Like at least an hour?” said Daniel starting to feel anxious.
”Probably.”
”Good, good. Why don't we talk about something else? Might relax you, slow you down a bit.”
”Tell me about this cow Strip-O-Gram. Is it for the cows or the farmer?” asked Katy sleepily.
”Well the farmer of course,” said Daniel rolling his eyes.
”Do they do it to music?”
”Katy, I have no idea, it's just one of those weird new things OK. Why don't we talk about something else?”
”Fine, you start.”
”So Katy. Who do you think I should call first after the baby has arrived?”
”Oh Daniel, I don't know. I'm trying not to think about how I've screwed this whole thing up, and how my life is a mess, and then you go and say something like that and... my G.o.d here comes another contraction. Oh my G.o.d, oh my G.o.d, oh my G.o.d... Danieeeeellll.”
”OK, OK, just be calm,” said Daniel, stroking her hand vigorously. ”Let's go back to Strip-O-Grams OK. Let's just think what the most appropriate song would be for a stripping cow. Can you think about that? Can you focus on thinking up the all time, top five, cow stripping songs?”
Katy nodded, unable to speak.
”Right I want at least two before this contraction ends.”
7.45am ”I am telling you, I'll be the other woman was a hit in the seventies for an American band called the Soul Children. My mother used to play it all the time,” Daniel argued as they approached the reception desk at the labour ward.
”You are making it up and in any case, I'll be the udder woman sounds too disgusting to be in the top five,” replied Katy.
”Too disgusting. Are you serious? Says the woman who has just left a trail of something I do not want to encounter ever again dripping out of her trouser leg all the way down the corridor.”
”For the last time I'm in labour. It happens. Deal with it,” said Katy, falling heavily into a chair next to the desk.
”You must be Daniel,” said the woman on reception.
”And you must be the ever-charming Audrey who has made my life h.e.l.l for the last few hours by having a door policy harsher than Heaven.”
”Well G.o.d spots the sinners and I spot the over-hyped birthing partners,” said Audrey.
”G.o.d? What has G.o.d got to do with it?”
”You said it's easier to get into Heaven.”
”I think she thinks you mean the holy Heaven. Not London nightclub Heaven,” interrupted Katy.
”I see. I forgot there was another Heaven. Look Audrey. Get us the best room in the house and we'll call it a truce shall we.”
”Name,” barked Audrey.
”Daniel Laker.”
”Not yours, hers,” said Audrey without looking up.
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