Part 13 (1/2)
”Oh, wall! most probable they wuzn't Irish.”
”And what has the Chinaman done?” says I.
”Why, they are heathens, Samantha. What does the United States want with heathens anyway? What the country needs is Methodists.”
”Somewhere did I not once hear these words,” says I musin'ly, as I set the coffee-cups on the table,-”'You shall have the heathen for an inheritance'-and 'preach the gospel to the heathen'-and 'we who were sometime heathens, but have received light'? Did not the echo of some such words once reach my mind?”
”Oh, wall! if you are goin' to quote readin', why can't you quote from 'The World'? you can't combine Bible and politics worth a cent. And the Chinaman works too cheap-are too industrious, and reasonable in their charges, they hain't extravagant-and they are too dumb peacible, dumb 'em!”
”Josiah Allen!” says I firmly, ”is that all the fault you find with 'em?”
”No, it hain't. They don't want to vote! They don't care a cent about bein' path-master or President. And I say, that after givin' a man a fair trial and a long one, if he won't try to buy or sell a vote, it is a sure sign that he can't asimulate with Americans, and be one with 'em; that he can't never be mingled in with 'em peacible. And I'll bet that I'll start the Catholics out-and the Jews. What under the sun is the use of havin' anybody here in America only jest Methodists? That is the only right way. And if I have my way, I'll get rid of 'em,-Chinamen, Irishmen, Catholics,-the hull caboodle of 'em. I'll jest light 'em out of the country. We can do it too. That big statute in New-York Harbor of Liberty Enlightenin' the World, will jest lift her torch up high, and light 'em out of the country:-that is what we had her for.”
I sithed low, and says, ”I never knew that wus what she wus there for. I s'posed it wus a gift from a land that helped us to liberty and prosperity when we needed 'em as bad as the Irishmen and Chinamen do to-day; and I s'posed that torch that wus lit for us by others' help, we should be willin' and glad to have it s.h.i.+ne on the dark cross-roads of others.”
”Wall, it hain't meant for no such purpose: it is to light up our land and our waters. That's what she's there for.”
I sithed agin, a sort of a cold sithe, and says,-
”I don't think it looks very well for us New-Englanders a sittin' round Plymouth Rock, to be a condemnin' anybody for their religeous beliefs.”
”Wall, there hain't no need of whittlin' out a stick, and wors.h.i.+pin' it, as the Chinamen do.”
”How are you goin' to help 'em to wors.h.i.+p the true G.o.d if you send 'em out of the country? Is it for the sake of humanity you drive 'em out? or be you, like the Isrealites of old, a wors.h.i.+pin' the golden calf of selfishness, Josiah Allen?”
”I hain't never wors.h.i.+ped no calf, Samantha Allen. That would be the last thing I would wors.h.i.+p, and you know it.”
(Josiah wus very lame on his left leg where he had been kicked by a yearlin'. The spot wus black and blue, but healin'.)
”You have blanketed that calf with thick patriotic excuses; but I fear, Josiah Allen, that the calf is there.
”Oh!” says I dreamily, ”how the tread of them calves has moved down through the centuries! If every calf should amble right out, marked with its own name and the name of its owner, what a sight, what a sight it would be! On one calf, right after its owner's name, would be branded, 'Worldly Honor and Fame.'”
Josiah squirmed, for I see him, but tried to turn the squirm in' into a sickly smile; and he murmured in a meachin' voice, and with a sheepish smile,-
”'Hon. Josiah Allen. Fame.' That wouldn't look so bad on a likely yearlin' or two-year old.”
But I kep' right on. ”On another would be marked, 'Wealth.' Very yeller those calves would be, and a long, long drove of 'em.
”On another would be, 'Earthly Love.' Middlin' good-lookin' calves, these, and sights of 'em. But the mantillys that covered 'em would be all wet and wore with tears.
”'Culture,' 'Intellect,' 'Refinement.' These calves would march right along by the side of 'Pride,' 'Vanity,' 'Old Creeds,' 'Bigotry,' 'Selfishness.' The last-named would be too numerous to count with the naked eye, and go pus.h.i.+n' aginst each other, rus.h.i.+n' right through meetin'-housen, tearin' and actin'. Why,” says I, ”the ground trembles under the tread of them calves. I can hear 'em whinner,” says I, fillin' up the coffee-pot.
”Calves don't whinner!” says Josiah.
Says I, ”I speak parabolickly;” and says I, in a very blind way, ”Parables are used to fit the truth to weak comprehensions.”
”Wall!” says he, kinder cross, ”your potatoes are a burnin' down.”
I turned the water off, and mashed 'em up, with plenty of cream and b.u.t.ter; and them, applied to his stomach internally, seemed to sooth him, -them, and the nice tender steak, and light biscuit, and lemon puddin' and coffee, rich and yellow and fragrant.
[Ill.u.s.tration: THE GOLDEN CALVES OF CHRISTIANS.]