Part 14 (1/2)

We talked about how neither of us really trusts our parents, and how his parents love each other a great deal and wish he'd confide in them, but that he doesn't want to How I cry oes up to the loft and swears How Margot and I have only recently gotten to know each other and yet still tell each other very little, since we're always together We talked about every is and ourselves Oh, Kitty, he was just as I thought he would be

Then we talked about the year 1942, and how different ere back then; we don't even recognize ourselves from that period Hoe couldn't stand each other at first He'd thought I was a noisy pest, and I'd quickly concluded that he was nothing special I didn't understand why he didn't flirt with lad He also mentioned how he often used to retreat to his room I said that my noise and exuberance and his silence were two sides of the same coin, and that I also liked peace and quiet but don't have anything for myself alone, except my diary, and that everyone would rather see the back ofwith Mr Dussel, and that I don't alant to sit with lad he is that lad I am that he's here

How I now understand his need to withdraw and his relationshi+p to his parents, and how ue

”But you're always a help to reatly surprised

”By being cheerful”

That was the nicest thing he said all evening He also toldto his room the way he used to; in fact, he liked it I also told hiless, that a kiss here and there didn't autos your oay, the diary, loneliness, the difference between everyone's inner and outer selves, my mask, etc

It onderful He , that's enough I'rateful and happy, I can't find the words I ize, Kitty, since my style is not up to my usual standard today I've just written whatever ca that Peter and I share a secret Whenever he looks at me with those eyes, with that soes on inside s will stay like this and that we'll have rateful and happy Anne

MONDAY, MARCH 20, 1944

Dearest Kitty, ThisHe swore I wouldn't be disturbing him, and said that where there was room for one, there was roo, since ht I shouldn't let that botherand also asked him if he'd let me knohen you could see the o downstairs and look at the lars

In thetiot likes Peter Just how much I don't know, but the whole situation is very unpleasant Now every ti to The funny thing is that she hardly lets it show I know I'd be insanely jealous, but Margot just says I shouldn't feel sorry for her ”I think it's so awful that you've become the odd one out,” I added ”I'm used to that,” she replied, somewhat bitterly

I don't dare tell Peter Maybe later on, but he and I need to discuss so ht, which I deserved I mustn't carry my indifference and conte, I should try once again to be friendly and keep my remarks to myself!

Even Pi not to treat me like a child, but now he's much too cold We'll just have to see what coebra, I won't get any tutoring after the war I could siain, provided I get a new book

That's enough for now I do nothing but gaze at Peter, and I'!

Yours, Anne M Frank

Evidence of Margot's goodness I received this today, March 20, 1944: Anne, yesterday when I said I wasn't jeal- ous of you, I wasn't being entirely honest The situation is this: I'm not jealous of either you or Peter I'm just sorry I haven't found anyone willi whos, and I'm not likely to in the near future But that's why I wish, from the bottom of my heart, that you will both be able to place your trust in each other You're already ranted On the other hand, I'otten as far with Peter, because I think I'd need to feel very close to a person before I could sharethat he understood h, even if I didn't say much For this reason it would have to be someone I felt was intellectually superior to ine your feeling close to him

So there's no need for you to reproach yourself because you think you' te taking so could be further froain by your friendshi+p

My answer: Dearest Margot, Your letter was extremely kind, but I still don't feel completely happy about the situation, and I don't think I ever will

At the moment, Peter and I don't trust each other asbeside an openat twthght, you can say ht sunshi+ne It's also easier to whisper your feelings than to shout theun to feel a kind of sisterly affection for Peter and would like to help him, just as much as I would Perhaps you'll be able to do that soh that's not the kind of trust we have in mind I believe that trust has to corne from both sides; I also think that's the reason why Father and I have never really grown so close But let's not talk about it any you still want to discuss, please write, because it's easier for me to say what I mean as on paper than face-to-face You kno le oodness and Father's goodness will rub off on me, because, in that sense, you two are a lot alike

Yours, Anne

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 22,1944

Dearest Kitty, I received this letter last night froot: Dear Anne, After your letter of yesterday I have the unpleasant feeling that your conscience bothers you whenever you go to Peter's to work or talk; there's really no reason for that In my heart, I know there's someone who deserves t my trust (as I do his), and I wouldn't be able to tolerate Peter in his place However, as you wrote, I do think of Peter as a kind of brothera younger brother; we've been sending out feelers, and a brotherly and sisterly affection mayor may not develop at soe yet So there's no need for you to feel sorry for me Now that you've found companionshi+p, enjoy it asmore and more wonderful here I think, Kitty, that true lovePeter if we stayed here long enough weren't so silly after all Not that I' hirows up Or if we'll even love each other enough to get married I'm sure now that Peter loves ure out if he wants only a good friend, or if he's attracted to irl or as a sister When he said I always helped hi, I was tre me believe in his friendshi+p I asked him yesterday what he'd do if there were a dozen Annes who kept popping in to see him His ansas: ”If they were all like you, it wouldn't be so bad” He's extremely hospitable, and I think he really likes to seeFrench, even studying in bed until ten-fifteen

Oh, when I think back to Saturday night, to our words, our voices, I feel satisfied with myself for the very first time; what I e a thing, the way I usually do He's so handso still He's so sweet and good and beautiful I think what surprised him most about me hen he discovered that I'm not at all the superficial, worldly Anne I appear to be, but a dreaht after the dinner dishes, I waited for hi happened; I went away He came downstairs to tell Dussel it was ti around the bathroo, he went back upstairs He paced up and down his roo I was so restless I kept going to the bathroom to splash cold water on my face I read a bit, daydreamed some more, looked at the clock and waited, waited, waited, all the while listening to his foot- steps I went to bed early, exhausted

Tonight I have to take a bath, and tomorrow?

Tomorrow's so far away!

Yours, Anne M Frank My answer: Dearest Margot, I think the best thing is sier before Peter and I will have to decide whether to go back to the ere or do so else I don't kno it'll turn out; I can't see any farther than the end of : if Peter and I do beco to tell him you're also very fond of him and are prepared to help him if he needs you You wouldn't want me to, I'm sure, but I don't care; I don't knohat Peter thinks of you, but I'll ask hi bad-on the contrary! You're welcome to join us in the attic, or wherever we are You won't be disturbing us, because we have an unspoken agrees when it's dark

Keep your spirits up! I'h it's not always easy Your time may come sooner than you think

Yours, Anne

THURSDAY, MARCH 23, 1944

Dearest Kitty, Things are more or less back to normal here Our coupon oodness!

Miep's been back since yesterday, but today it was her husband's turn to take to his bed-chills and fever, the usual flu syh, and Mr Klei time Yesterday a plane crashed nearby The creas able to parachute out in time It crashed on top of a school, but luckily there were no children inside There was a small fire and a couple of people were killed As the airmen made their descent, the Germans sprayed thee at such a dastardly deed We-by which I mean the ladies-were also scared out of our wits Brrr, I hate the sound of gunfire

Now about myself

I ith Peter yesterday and, so about sex I'd s He knows everything; when I said that Margot and I weren't very well inforot and me and Mother and Father and said that lately I didn't dare ask theratefully accepted: he described how contraceptives work, and I asked hirown up He had to think about that one; he said he'd tell ht I told hiirls are defenseless against strong boys ”Well, you don't have to be afraid of , he told , but still awfully nice to be able to discuss it with hiined we'd be able to talk so openly to a girl or a boy, respectively, about such inti now He told me a lot about what he called Prasentivmitteln [ Should be Praservativht in the bathroo about Bra I was in for a nasty surprise: after breakfast Peter beckoned me upstairs ”That was a dirty trick you played onin the bathrooht I think you just wanted to find out how h!”

I was stunned! I did everything I could to talk hieous idea; I could understand how he must have felt, but it just wasn't true! ”Oh no, Peter,” I said ”I'd never be soyou said to me and I won't To put on an act like that and then deliberately be so meanNo,Peter, that's not , honest Won't you believe me?” He assured ain sooodness he caone around thinking I could be that mean He's so sweet!