Part 9 (2/2)

”Oh, I think so. There are two or three broken panes of gla.s.s, and a hole in the skylight. How large is it?”]

MOTTO FOR A SUB-EDITOR.--”Aut _scissors_, aut nullus.”

_To find the value of a Cook._--Divide the services rendered by the wages paid; deduct the kitchen stuff, subtract the cold meat by finding how often three policemen will go into one area, and the quotient will help you to the result.

_To find the value of a Friend._--Ask him to put his name to a bill.

_To find the value of Time._--Travel by a Bayswater omnibus.

_To find the value of Eau de Cologne._--Walk into Smithfield market.

_To find the value of Patience._--Consult Bradshaw's _Guide_ to ascertain the time of starting of a railway train.

NOTE BY A SOCIAL CYNIC.--They may abolish the ”push” stroke at billiards, but they'll never do so in society.

FROM OUR OWN IRREPRESSIBLE ONE (_still dodging custody_).--_Q._ Why is a daily paper like a lamb? _A._ Because it is always folded.

[Ill.u.s.tration: DUTY BEFORE PLEASURE.--_Hostess_ (_to new Curate_). ”We seem to be talking of nothing but horses, Mr. Soothern. Are you much of a sportsman?”

_Curate._ ”Really, Lady Betty, I don't think I ought to say that I am. I used to collect b.u.t.terflies; but I have to give up even _that_ now!”]

[Ill.u.s.tration: SHAKSPEARE ILl.u.s.tRATED

”The G.o.ds confound thee! Dost thou hold there still?”

_Antony and Cleopatra_, Act II., Sc. 5.]

”STILL WATERS.”--Whiskies.

ART CRITICISM.--In too many pictures the colour is medi-ocre.

THE ADVERTISER'S PARADISE.--Puffin Island.

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