Part 10 (1/2)

A MUSICAL BURGLAR.--One who breaks into a tune.

[Ill.u.s.tration: HE KNEW HIS WORK

_Proprietor of Travelling Menagerie._ ”Are you used to looking after horses and other animals?”

_Applicant for Job._ ”Yessir. Been used to 'orses all my life.”

_P. O. T. M._ ”What steps would you take if a lion got loose?”

_A. F. J._ ”Good long 'uns, mister!”]

MAY BE HEARD EVERYWHERE.--”Songs without words”--a remarkable performance; but perhaps a still more wonderful feat is playing upon words.

SUBSt.i.tUTES FOR PROFANE SWEARING

(_Adapted to various Sorts and Conditions of Men_)

_Lawyer._ Tax my bill.

_Doctor._ Dash my draughts.

_Soldier_. Snap my stock.

_Parson._ Starch my surplice.

_Bricklayer._ I'll be plastered.

_Bricklayer's Labourer._ Chop my hod.

_Carpenter._ Saw me.

_Plumber and Glazier._ Solder my pipes. Smash my panes.

_Painter._ I'm daubed.

_Brewer._ I'm mashed.

_Engineer._ Burst my boiler.

_Stoker._ Souse my c.o.ke.