Part 29 (1/2)
”But how, in the name of wonder, do they learn to drive in this style?”
”Easily enough; inclination and determination will accomplish their objects. Why, among the softer s.e.x, we have female Anatomists--female Students in Natural History--Sculptors, and Mechanics of all descriptions--Shoe-makers and Match-makers--and why not Charioteers?”
”Nay, I am not asking why; but as it appears rather out of the common way, I confess my ignorance has excited my curiosity on a subject which seems somewhat out of nature.”
”I have before told you, Nature has nothing to do with Real Life in London.”
”And yet,” continued Bob, ”we are told, and I cannot help confessing the truth of the a.s.sertion, with respect to the ladies, that
”----Loveliness Needs not the foreign aid of ornament, But is, when unadorned, adorn'd the most,”
This certainly implies a natural or native grace.”
”Pshaw,” said Dashall, ”that was according to the Old school; such doctrines are completely exploded now-a-days, for Fas.h.i.+on is at variance with Nature in all her walks; hence, driving is considered one of the accomplishments necessary to be acquired by the female s.e.x in high life, by which an estimate of character may be formed: for instance--if a lady take the reins of her husband, her brother, or a lover, it is strongly indicative of a.s.suming the mastery; but should she have no courage or muscular strength, and pays no attention to the art of governing and guiding her cattle, it is plain that she will become no driver, no whip, and may daily run the risk of breaking the necks of herself and friends.
If however she should excel in this study, she immediately becomes masculine and severe, and she punishes, when occasion requires, every animal within the reach of her lash--acquires an ungraceful att.i.tude and manner--heats her complexion by over exertion--sacrifices her softness to accomplish her intentions--runs a risk of having hard hands, and perhaps a hard heart: at all events she gains unfeminine habits, and ~223~~such as are found very difficult to get rid of, and prides herself on being the go, the gaze, the gape, the stare of all who see her.”
”A very admirable, and no doubt equally happy state,” quoth Bob, half interrupting him.
”If she learn the art of driving from the family coachman, it cannot be doubted but such tuition is more than likely to give her additional grace, and to teach her all that is polite; and then the pleasure of such company whilst superintending her studies, must tend to improve her mind; the freedom of these teachers of coachmans.h.i.+p, and the language peculiar to themselves, at first perhaps not altogether agreeable, is gradually worn away by the pride of becoming an accomplished whip--to know how to _turn a corner in style--tickle Snarler in the ear--cut up the yelper--take out a fly's eye in bang-up twig_.”
”Excellent! indeed,” cried Bob, charmed with Dashall's irony, and willing to provoke it farther; ”and pray, when this art of driving is thoroughly learned, what does it tend to but a waste of time, a masculine enjoyment, and a loss of feminine character--of that sweet, soft and overpowering submission to and reliance on the other s.e.x, which, whilst it demands our protection and a.s.sistance, arouses our dearest sympathies--our best interests--attaches, enraptures, and subdues us?”
”Nonsense,” continued Tom, ”you might ask such questions for a month--who cares about these submissions and reliances--protections and sympathies--they are not known, at least it is very unfas.h.i.+onable to acknowledge their existence. Why I have known ladies so infatuated and affected by an inordinate love of charioteering, that it has completely altered them, not only as to dress, but manners and feeling, till at length they have become more at home in the stable than the drawing-room; and some, that are so different when dressed for dinner, that the driving habiliments appear like complete masquerade disguises.
Indeed, any thing that is natural is considered quite out of nature; and this affectation is not wholly confined to the higher circles, for in the City even the men and the women seem to have changed places.
”Man-milliners and mantua-makers swarm With clumsy hands to deck the female form-- With brawny limbs to fit fine ladies' shapes, Or measure out their ribbons, lace and tapes; Or their rude eye the bosom's swell surveys, To cut out corsets or to st.i.tch their stays; Or making essences and soft perfume, Or paint, to give the pallid cheek fresh bloom; Or with hot irons, combs, and frizzling skill, On ladies' heads their daily task fulfil; Or, deeply versed in culinary arts, Are kneading pasty, making pies and tarts; Or, clad in motley coat, the footman neat Is dangling after Miss with shuffling feet, Bearing in state to church her book of pray'r, Or the light pocket she disdains to wear;{1} Or in a parlour snug, 'the powdered lout The tea and bread and b.u.t.ter hands about.
Where are the women, whose less nervous hands Might fit these lighter tasks, which pride demands?
Some feel the scorn that poverty attends, Or pine in meek dependance on their friends; Some patient ply the needle day by day, Poor half-paid seamsters, wasting life away; Some drudge in menial, dirty, ceaseless toil, Bear market loads, or grovelling weed the soil; Some walk abroad, a nuisance where they go, And s.n.a.t.c.h from infamy the bread of woe.”
”It is a strange sort of infatuation, this fas.h.i.+on,” said Bob, ”and it is much to be regretted it should operate so much to the injury of the fair--”
”Do you see that young man on the opposite side of the way,”inquired Dashall,(stopping him short) ”in nankin breeches and jockey-boots?”
”I do,” replied Tallyho; ”and pray who is he?”
”The son of a wealthy Baronet who, with an eye to the main chance in early life, engaged in some mercantile speculations, which proving productive concerns, have elevated him to his present dignity, beyond which it is said he cannot go on account of his having once kept a shop.
This son is one of what may be termed the _Ciphers of society_, a sort of useful article, like an 0 in arithmetic, to denominate numbers; one of those characters, if character it may be termed, of which this Metropolis and its vicinity would furnish us with regiments. Indeed, the
1 It is related that a young lady of _haut ton_ in Paris was observed to have a tall fellow always following her wherever she went. Her grandmother one day asked her what occasion there was for that man to be always following her; to which she replied--”I must blow my nose, must not I, when I want?” This great genius was actually employed to carry her pocket-handkerchief. ~225~~general run of Fas.h.i.+onables are little better than Ciphers,--very necessary at times in the House of Commons, to suit the purposes and forward the intentions of the Ministers, by which they obtain _t.i.tles_ to which they are not _ent.i.tled,_ and transmit to posterity a race of enn.o.bled b.o.o.bies. What company, what society does not abound with Ciphers, and oftentimes in such plenty that they are even serviceable to make the society considerable? What could we do to express on paper five hundred without the two ciphers, or being compelled to write eleven letters to explain what is equally well done in three figures? These Ciphers are useful at general meetings upon public questions, though, if they were all collected together in point of intellectual value, they would amount to nought. They are equally important as counters at a card-table, they tell for more than they are worth. Among the City Companies there are many of them to be found: and the Army is not deficient, though great care is generally taken to send the most conspicuous Ciphers on foreign service. Public offices under Government swarm with them; and how many round O's or ciphers may be found among the gentlemen of the long robe, who, as Hudibras observes,
”----never ope Their mouths, but out there flies a trope.”
In the twelve Judges it must be allowed there is no cipher, because they have two figures to support them; but take these two figures away, and the whole wit of mankind may be defied to patch up or recruit the number without having recourse to the race of Ciphers.
”I have known a Cipher make a profound Statesman and a Secretary--nay, an Amba.s.sador; but then it must be confess'd it has been by the timely and prudent application of proper supporters; and it is certain, that Ciphers have more than once shewn themselves significant in high posts and stations, and in more reigns than one. Bounteous nature indulges mankind in a boundless variety of characters as well as features, and has given Ciphers to make up numbers, and very often by such additions renders the few much more significant and conspicuous. The Church has its Ciphers--for a mitre looks as well on a round 0 as on any letter in the alphabet, ~226~~and the expense to the nation is equally the same; consequently, John Bull has no right to complain.
”See in Pomposo a polite divine, More gay than grave, not half so sound as fine; The ladies' parson, proudly skill'd is he, To 'tend their toilet and pour out their tea; Foremost to lead the dance, or patient sit To deal the cards out, or deal out small wit; Then oh! in public, what a perfect beau, So powder'd and so trimm'd for pulpit show; So well equipp'd to tickle ears polite With pretty little subjects, short and trite.
Well cull'd and garbled from the good old store Of polish'd sermons often preached before; With precious sc.r.a.ps from moral Shakespeare brought.