Part 33 (2/2)

”And it's self-programming, do you hear yourself talking?” do you hear yourself talking?”

”Worm,” Grant said. ”But a benign one.”

”That's just about where that kind of theory belongs. Worm. G.o.d! If it is self-programming, you have have created a worm of sorts, and you're playing with people's lives. If it isn't, you've got a delayed-action problem that's going to crop up in the second or third generation. Another kind of worm, if you want to put it that way. h.e.l.l if I want to give research time to it. I've got a budget. You two are on my departmental budget and you're a h.e.l.l of an expense with no d.a.m.ned return that justifies it.” created a worm of sorts, and you're playing with people's lives. If it isn't, you've got a delayed-action problem that's going to crop up in the second or third generation. Another kind of worm, if you want to put it that way. h.e.l.l if I want to give research time to it. I've got a budget. You two are on my departmental budget and you're a h.e.l.l of an expense with no d.a.m.ned return that justifies it.”

”We have justified it this last year.”

”Which is killing Warrick. Isn't that your complaint? He can't go on outputting at that level. He can't take it. Psychologically he can't take it. So what are you going to do? Carry it by yourself, while Justin lives in the clouds somewhere designing sets that won't work, that I'm d.a.m.ned well not going to let him install in some poor sod of a Tester. No!”

”I'll do the work. Give him the freedom. Lighten the load. A little. Ser, give him the chance. He has to rely on you. No one else can help him. He is good. You know he is.”

”And he's d.a.m.ned well wasting himself.”

”What were you doing at the start? Teaching him, while you took his designs apart. Do that for him. Lighten the load a little. The work will get done. You just can't pressure him like that, because he'll do it if he thinks someone is suffering, he just won't stop, he's like that. Give us things we can handle and we'll handle them. Justin has a talent at integration that can get more out of a genotype than anyone ever did, because he does get into the emotional level. Maybe his ideas won't work, but, for G.o.d's sake, he's still studying. You don't know what he can be. Give him a chance.”

Yanni looked at him a long time, upset, unhappy, with his face red and his teeth working at his lip. ”You're quite a salesman, son. You know what's the matter with him on this? Ari got hold of a vulnerable kid with an idea that was real advanced for a seventeen-year-old, she flattered h.e.l.l out of him, she fed him full of this c.r.a.p, and psyched him right into her bed. You're aware of that?”

”Yes, ser. I'm well aware of it.”

”She did a real job on him. He thinks he was brilliant. He thinks there was more there than there was, and you don't do him any service by feeding that. He's bright, he's not brilliant. He'd be d.a.m.n good on the Rubin project. I've seen what he can do, and there is a lot in him. I respect h.e.l.l out of that. I don't like to feed a delusion. I spend my life trying to make normal people and you're asking me to humor him in the biggest delusion of his poor f.u.c.ked-up life. I hate that like h.e.l.l, Grant. I can't tell you how much I hate it.”

”I'm talking to a man who's the nearest thing to a Supervisor Justin's got; the man Justin fought to get to help him; who's going to take a talent that's been f.u.c.ked-up and kill it because it's a drain on the teacher. What kind of man is that?” talking to a man who's the nearest thing to a Supervisor Justin's got; the man Justin fought to get to help him; who's going to take a talent that's been f.u.c.ked-up and kill it because it's a drain on the teacher. What kind of man is that?”

”Dammit.”

”Yes, ser. d.a.m.n me me all you like. It's Justin I'm talking about. He trusts you and he doesn't trust many people. Are you going to d.a.m.n all you like. It's Justin I'm talking about. He trusts you and he doesn't trust many people. Are you going to d.a.m.n him him because he's trying to do something you think will fail?” because he's trying to do something you think will fail?”

Yanni chewed on his lip. ”You're one of Ari's, aren't you?”

”You know I am, ser.”

”d.a.m.n, she did good work. You remind me what she was. After all that's happened.”

”Yes, ser.” It stung. He thought that it was meant to.

But Yanni gave a great sigh and shook his head. ”I'll do this. I'll put him on the project. I'll keep the work light. Which means, dammit, that you're going to carry some of it.” Which means, dammit, that you're going to carry some of it.”

”Yes, ser.”

”And if he does his d.a.m.n designs I'll rip them apart. And teach him what I can. Everything I can. Has he got his problem with tape solved?”

”He has no problem with tape, ser.”

”If you're in the room with him. That's what Petros says.”

”That's so, ser. Can you blame him?”

”No. No, I can't. -I'll tell you, Grant, I respect respect what you're doing. I'd like to have a dozen of you. Unfortunately-you're not a production item.” what you're doing. I'd like to have a dozen of you. Unfortunately-you're not a production item.”

”No, ser. Justin as much as Ari and Jordan-had a hand in my psychsets. But you're welcome to a.n.a.lyze them.”

”Stable as h.e.l.l. Good. Good for you.” Yanni got up and came around the desk as Grant got up in confusion. And Yanni put his hand on his shoulder and took his hand. ”Grant, come back to me if you think he can't handle things.”

That affected him, when before, he doubted everything about this man's goodwill. ”Yes, ser,” he said, thinking that if Yanni was telling the truth, and if there was anything of himself he could give that Yanni could not have out of library and lab, he would give it. Freely.

”Out,” Yanni said brusquely. ”Go.”

Azi-like, simple, equal to equal. When he knew that Yanni was upset about Stra.s.sen, and about everything that was going on, and it had been the worst of times to go to him.

He went, with a simplicity of courtesies he had not felt with anyone but Justin and Jordan, since he was very young.

And with an anguish over what he might have done in his presumption, adding stress to what he knew was a delicate tolerance for Justin in the House, at a delicate time and a delicate balance in Justin's own mind. He had not known, from the time he determined to go to Yanni, whether Justin would forgive him-or whether he would deserve forgiveness.

So that was where he had to go first.

”You did what?” what?” Justin cried, from the gut; and felt a double blow, because Grant reacted as if he had hit him, flinched and turned his face and turned it back again, to look at him helplessly, without any of Grant's accustomed defenses. Justin cried, from the gut; and felt a double blow, because Grant reacted as if he had hit him, flinched and turned his face and turned it back again, to look at him helplessly, without any of Grant's accustomed defenses.

That took the wind out of him. There was no way to shout at Grant. Grant had acted because Grant had been forced into a caretaker role by his behavior, that was what his knowledge of azi told him; and he had misread that, an Alpha Supervisor's worst mistake, and leaned on Grant for years in ways that, G.o.d help him, he had needed.

Grant going azi on him-was his fault. No one else's.

He reached out and patted Grant's shoulder and calmed himself down as much as he could, while he was shocked full of adrenaline and he could hardly breathe, as much from what he had done to Grant as from the fact that Grant might well have d.a.m.ned him.

So. That was not Grant's fault. Everything would be all right, if Grant had not exposed himself to Giraud's attention again. Just go back to Yanni and try to recover things without the emotionalism that would finish the job in Yanni's eyes.

He just wanted to sit down a moment. But he could not even do that without letting Grant know how badly he was upset.

”Yanni wasn't mad,” Grant pleaded with him. ”Justin, he wasn't mad. It wasn't like that. He just said he would lighten up.”

He gave Grant a second pat on the arm. ”Look, I'm sure it's all right. If it isn't, I'll fix it. Don't worry about it.”

”Justin?”

There was pain in Grant's voice. His making. Just like the crisis.

”Yanni's going to have my guts for shoving you in there,” Justin said. ”He ought to. Grant, you don't have to go around me. I'm all right. Don't worry.”

”Stop it, dammit.” Grant grabbed him and spun him around, hard, face to face with him. ”Don't go Supervisor on me. I knew what I was doing.”

He just stared in shock.

”I'm not some dumb-annie, Justin. You can hit me, if you like. Just don't pull that calm-down routine on me.” Anger. Outright anger. It shocked h.e.l.l out of him. It was rescue when he thought there was none. He was shaking when Grant let go his arm and put his hand on the side of his face. ”G.o.d, Justin, what do you think?”

”I put too much on you.”

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