Part 33 (1/2)

Isn't it? It's the best thing that's happened in a long time. Maybe I can make Rubin's life-better or something.” He leaned forward to pour more wine. Grant moved and did it for him. ”At least Rubin had some compa.s.sion in his life. His mother lives on-station, he sees her, he's got something to hold on to.”

Give or take the guards that attended a Special. Justin knew all these things. A confused, remote intellectual whose early health problems had been extreme, whose attachment to his mother was excessive and desperate; whose frail body had made health a preoccupation for him; whose various preoccupations had excluded adolescent pa.s.sions, except for his work. But nothing-nothing of what had shaped Ari Emory.

Thank G.o.d.

”I can do something with it,” he said. ”I'm going to take some work in citizen psych. Do me some good. It's a different methodology.”

Grant frowned at him. They could talk work at home, without worrying about monitors. But their line of conversation had gotten dangerous, maybe already gone over the line. He was not sure anymore. He was exhausted. Study, he thought, would take him off real-time work. Study was all he wanted. Grant was right, he was never cut out for trouble-shooting real-time situations. He cared too d.a.m.n much.

Yanni had yelled at him: ”Empathy is fine in an interview. It's got no place in the solution! Get it straight in your head who you're treating!”

Which made sense to him. He was not cut out for clinical psych. Because he never could get it straight, when he felt the pain himself.

By Yanni's lights, even, he thought, by Denys'-because there was no way this could have come to him without Denys working at Giraud-it was the most generous thing they could have done for him, putting him back in work that took a security clearance, re-establish his career in a slightly different field, in work very like Jordan's, let him work on a project where he could gain some reputation-CIT work was something the military would notice without actually giving the military an excuse to move on him, and it might clear him and do some good for Jordan. That was at least a possibility.

It was a kind of ultimatum, he thought, a kindness that could go entirely the other way if he tried to avoid the honor. That was always what he had to think about. Even when they were doing him favors.

vi Ari woke with someone close to her, and remembered waking halfway through the night when someone got into bed with her, and took her in her arms and said in Nelly's voice, ”I'm here, young sera. Nelly's here.”

Nelly was by her in the morning, and maman was not, the bedroom was strange, it was uncle Denys' place, and Ari wanted to scream or to cry or to run again, run and run, until no one could find her.

But she lay still, because she knew maman was truly gone. And uncle Denys was right, she was better than she was, she was thinking about breakfast in between thinking how much she hurt and how she wished Nelly was somewhere else and maman was there instead.

It was still something, to have Nelly. She patted Nelly's face hard, until Nelly woke up, and Nelly hugged her and stroked her hair and said: ”Nelly's here. Nelly's here.” And burst into tears.

Ari held her. And felt cheated because she wanted to cry, but Nelly was azi and crying upset her. So she was sensible like maman said, and told Nelly to behave.

Nelly did. Nelly stopped snuffling and sniveling and got up and got dressed; and gave Ari her bath and washed her hair and dressed her in her clean blue pants and a sweater. And combed and combed her hair till it crackled.

”We're supposed to go to breakfast with ser Nye,” Nelly said.

That was all right. And it was a good breakfast, at uncle Denys' table, with everything in the world to eat. Ari did eat. Uncle Denys had seconds of everything and told her she and Nelly could spend the day in the apartment, until Nelly had to go to hospital, and then Seely would come and take care of her.

”Yes, ser,” Ari said. Anything was all right. Nothing was. After yesterday she didn't care who was here. She wanted to ask Denys where maman was, and where maman was going. But she didn't, because everything was all right for a while and she was so tired.

And if Denys told her she wouldn't know the name of that place. She only knew Reseune.

So she sat and let Nelly read her stories. Sometimes she cried for no reason. Sometimes she slept. When she woke up it was Nelly telling her it would be Seely with her.

Seely would get her as many soft drinks as she wanted. And put on the vid for her. And do anything she asked.

She asked Seely could they go for a walk and feed the fish. They did that. They came back and Seely got her more soft drinks, and she wished she could hear maman telling her they weren't good for her. So she stopped on her own, and asked Seely for paper and sat and drew things.

Till uncle Denys came back and it was time for supper, and uncle Denys talked to her about what she would do tomorrow and how he would buy her anything she wanted.

She thought of several things. She wanted a s.p.a.ces.h.i.+p with lights. She wanted a new coat. If uncle Denys was going to offer, she could think of things. She could think of really expensive things that maman never would get But none of them could make her happy. Not even Nelly. Just when they were going to give you things, you took them, that was all, and you asked them for lots and lots to make it hard for them, and make them think that was important to you and you were happier with them, -but you didn't forget your mad. Ever.

vii Grant sweated, waiting in Yanni Schwartz's outer office, with no appointment and only Marge's good offices to get him through the door. He heard Yanni shouting at Marge. He could not hear what he said. He imagined it had to do with interruptions and Justin Warrick.

And for a very little he would have gotten up and left, then, fast, because from moment to moment he knew he could bring trouble down on Justin by coming here. He was not sure that Yanni would not shake him badly enough to make him say something he ought not. Yanni was the kind of born-man he did not like to deal with, emotional and loud and radiating threat in every move he made. The men who had taken him to the shack in the hills had been like that. Giraud had been like that when he had questioned him. Grant sat there waiting and not panicking only by blanking himself and not thinking it through again until Marge came back and said: ”He'll see you.”

He got up and made a little bow. ”Thank you, Marge.” And walked into the inner office and up to the big desk and said: ”Ser, I want to talk to you about my CIT.”

Azi-like. Justin said Yanni could be decent enough to his patients. So he took the manner and stood very quietly. ”I'm not in consultation,” Yanni said.

Yanni gave him no favors, then. Grant dropped the dumb-annie pose, pulled up the available chair and sat down. ”I still want to talk to you, ser. Justin's taking the favor you're doing him and I think it's a bad mistake.”

”A mistake.”

”You're not going to let him have anything but the first-draft work, are you? And where does that leave him after twenty years? Nowhere. With no more than he had before.”

”Training. Which he badly needs. Which you should know. Do we have to discuss your partner? You know his problems. I don't have to haul them out for you.”

”Tell me what you think they are.”

Yanni had been relaxed, mostly. The jaw clamped, the chin jutted, the whole pose s.h.i.+fted to aggression as he leaned on his desk. ”Maybe you'd better have your CIT come talk to me. Did he send you? Or is this your own idea?”

”My own, ser.” He was reacting, dammit. His palms were sweating. He hated that. The trick was to make the CIT calm down instead. ”I'm scared of you. I don't want to do this. But Justin won't talk to you, at least he won't tell you the truth.”

”Why not?”

The man had had no quiet-mode. ”Because, ser, -” Grant took a breath and tried not to pay attention to what was going on in his gut. ”You're the only teacher he has. If you discard him, there's no one else good enough to teach him. You're like his Super. He has to rely on you and you're abusing him. That's very hard for me to watch.” no quiet-mode. ”Because, ser, -” Grant took a breath and tried not to pay attention to what was going on in his gut. ”You're the only teacher he has. If you discard him, there's no one else good enough to teach him. You're like his Super. He has to rely on you and you're abusing him. That's very hard for me to watch.”

”We're not talking azi psych, Grant. You don't don't understand what's going on, not on an operational level, and you're on dangerous personal ground-it's your own mindset I'm talking about. Don't identify. You know better. If you don't, -” understand what's going on, not on an operational level, and you're on dangerous personal ground-it's your own mindset I'm talking about. Don't identify. You know better. If you don't, -”

”Yes, ser, you can recommend I take tape. I know what you can do. But I want you to listen to me. Listen! Listen! I don't know what land of man you are. But I've seen what you've done. I think you may be trying to help Justin. In some ways I think it has helped. But he can't go on working the way he is.” I don't know what land of man you are. But I've seen what you've done. I think you may be trying to help Justin. In some ways I think it has helped. But he can't go on working the way he is.”

Yanni gave a growl like an engine dying and slowly leaned back on the arm of his chair, looking at him from under his brows. ”Because he's not suited to real-time work. I know it. You know it. Justin knows it. I thought maybe he'd calm down, but he hasn't got the temperament for it, he can't get the perspective. He hasn't got the patience for standard design work, repet.i.tion drives him crazy. He's creative, so we put him in on the Rubin project. Denys got him that. I seconded it. It's the best d.a.m.n thing we can do for him-put him where he can do theoretical work, but not that d.a.m.n out-there project of his, but not that d.a.m.n out-there project of his, and he won't concentrate on anything else, I know d.a.m.n well he won't! He's worse than Jordan with an idea in his head, he won't turn it loose till it stinks. Have you got an answer? Because it's either the Rubin project or it's rot away in standard design, and I haven't got time on my staff to let one of my people take three weeks doing a project that should have been booted out the door in three days, you understand me?” and he won't concentrate on anything else, I know d.a.m.n well he won't! He's worse than Jordan with an idea in his head, he won't turn it loose till it stinks. Have you got an answer? Because it's either the Rubin project or it's rot away in standard design, and I haven't got time on my staff to let one of my people take three weeks doing a project that should have been booted out the door in three days, you understand me?”

He had thought down till then that Yanni was the Enemy. But of a sudden he felt easier with Yanni. He saw a decent man who was not good at listening. Who was listening for the moment.

”Ser. Please. Justin's not Jordan. He doesn't work like Jordan. But if you give him a chance he is working. Listen to me. Please. You don't agree with him, but he's learning from you. You know that an azi designer has an edge in Applications. I'm an Alpha. I can take a design and internalize it and tell a h.e.l.l of a lot about it. I've worked with him on his own designs, and I can tell you-I can tell you I believe in what he's trying to do.”

”G.o.d, that's all I need.”

”Ser, I know what his designs feel feel like, in a way no CIT can. I have the logic system.” like, in a way no CIT can. I have the logic system.”

”I'm not talking about his ability. He's fixed his rat-on-a-treadmill problems. He's got that covered. I'm talking about what happens when his sets integrate into CIT psych. Second and third and fourth generation. We don't want a work-crazy population. We don't want gray little people that go crazy when they're not on the a.s.sembly line. We don't want a suicide rate through the overhead when there's job failure or a dip in the economy. We're talking CIT psych, and that's exactly the field he's weakest in and exactly what I think he ought to go study for ten or twenty years before he does some real harm. You know what it feels feels like. like. Let me tell you I know something about CIT psych from the inside, plus sixty years in this field, and I trust a junior designer can appreciate that fact.” Let me tell you I know something about CIT psych from the inside, plus sixty years in this field, and I trust a junior designer can appreciate that fact.”

”I respect that, ser. I earnestly a.s.sure you. So does he. But his designs put-put joy joy into a psychset. Not just efficiency. The designs you say will cause trouble are their own reward tape. Isn't it true, ser, that when an azi has a CIT child, and he teaches that child as a CIT, he teaches into a psychset. Not just efficiency. The designs you say will cause trouble are their own reward tape. Isn't it true, ser, that when an azi has a CIT child, and he teaches that child as a CIT, he teaches interpretively interpretively what he understands out of his pyschset. And an azi with one of Justin's small routines somewhere in his sets, even if he was never as lucky as I am, to be socialized as I am, to be Alpha and have one lifelong partner, would get so much sense of purpose out of that, so much sense of purpose, he would think about his job and get better at it. And have pride in that, ser. Maybe there are still problems in it. But it's the emotional level he reaches. It's the key to the logic sets themselves. It's a self-programming interaction. That's what no one is taking into account.” what he understands out of his pyschset. And an azi with one of Justin's small routines somewhere in his sets, even if he was never as lucky as I am, to be socialized as I am, to be Alpha and have one lifelong partner, would get so much sense of purpose out of that, so much sense of purpose, he would think about his job and get better at it. And have pride in that, ser. Maybe there are still problems in it. But it's the emotional level he reaches. It's the key to the logic sets themselves. It's a self-programming interaction. That's what no one is taking into account.”

”Which create a whole complex of basic structural problems in synthetic psychsets. Let's talk theory here. You're a competent designer. Let's be real blunt. They tried this eighty years ago.”

”I'm familiar with that.”

”And they hung a few embellishments onto the psychsets and they ended up with neuroses. Obsessive behaviors.”

”You say yourself he's avoided that.”