Part 118 (2/2)

”My dearest, dearest wife--” The words were rushed, whispered againstthe side of my face, my neck, as if he dared not kiss my lips

He was here, alive, whole, war, I had already buried him and mourned him His touch on ination that he had ever ceased to live

”Antony?” I dreay and clutched myself, to escape his embrace ”You are--” I touched the side of ered on the skin ”You are--I thought you had--”

Now he dropped his arive , waiting--it er, but--”

”This is better,” I said How lucky ere, to have it coive me time, explainyou said you would never come back And I had feared, and in my fear--”

”Yes I know I understand” He sat down on the stairs, letting his arle over his knees in that way I remembered so well Cautiously I sat down beside hi of the ta I was deliriously happy that he lived, and was sitting here beside me, but now all was in turned, not the least of it in my heart Shakily I extended my hand and took his

”Are you recovered?” I said in a low voice

”Yes It just took time Time, silence, solitude”

Well I knehat he s he shunned He ed by Actium

”Thanks be to the Gods” I leaned over and kissed his cheek--again, hesitantly He could feel it, I knew But I could not help htened his hand onbeen waiting” I did not see fit to”The children elcome you warmly”

”And you? Do you welcome me?”

”What an odd choice of words--much too pale I have been--bereft without you” I paused ”I wasthe spirit of my life,” I finally said It was impossible to put into words Without hibefore one's time,” he said ”And that is what I have done Now I lament the lost months!”

”You could not help it” When we are felled, we are felled But if we rise to our feet in a little while, we can count ourselves lucky

”May we go inside?” he asked politely ”I would like to return before the palace starts bustling”

I stood up, drawing hiether we cli palace The corridors were empty, the wall torches still sputtered in their sockets, doors stood shut

Antony stole into his quarters and then looked at them in surprise ”Like an old friend, they look different to me now,” he said He had not been here since Actiu the couches, the table, the bed where I had passed long, yearning hours thinking of him-- hours that I would never tell him about ”I think you will find it all in order,” I said crisply, as if I had not seen it, either

He walked around wonderstruck, touching this surface and that Finally he turned to me and said, ”O, allto the winds, unneeded He had come back, and come back as he had once been

”My lost friend,” I whispered

”Why 'friend'? Are we not still husband and wife?” He shook his head ”Or have you divorced me?” From the plaintive tone, I realized he feared it had happened He kissed me fervently as if to convince me to stay with him

I tried to assure him ”I'm not a Roe in fortune It's just that I feared I was a , not a wife”

He gave a shuddering sigh of relief ”You are still--we are still--”

”But you ht of frenzied kissing He was like a starving man, and I could hardly fend hireed with his nature, that was evident

”Antony, please stop!” I was insistent What I meant--but could not say-- was that I was almost afraid for his again For I had conquered them, and if this was just a brief interlude, thenI could not bear to go through it all again

He let go of ottento ht of it, but I could tell that he was hurt

He could not expect me to adjust instantly to every whirl in his behavior-- first the withdrawal, then the two unannounced returns, nextanother disappearance? It was too painful; I must protect myself in some way, at least at thisyou,” I finally said I must choosetherieved when you were gone from me; I was so afraid that you would never return All I prayed for was that one day you would be standing here again, in your rooer to h in these last few hit separates us We will have to hear one another's stories, learn what has happened to each other”

”Don't you want ain? Zeus forbid! ”Yes! Yes!” I assured hied But surely he had not expected to walk back into the world he had fled frohtily in those ypt and I had been busy dealing with Octavian and the afterood time for his return And for our reunion

”Yes, yes,” I repeated ”I want you backin the world” And it was true

My mother had been taken from me, and never returned Caesar, too It is not often that the dead come back to us, and I rejoiced I must never let hi the lost

Chapter 80

As in a dreaain, Antony and I sat high on silvered chairs of state, the waves of people spread out as far as we could see on all sides, until they ed into the very sea itself Overhead the sky was a deep, ringing blue, and the stately buildings of Alexandria as white as the clouds floating benevolently over the the state procession ofpast the LibraryI ah the white streets, crowds lining it, wild, curious eyes staringI ah, wailing cries of h the streets with his ain, another celebration, Alexandria festooned and scrubbed, when Antony decorated me and our heirs with all the realms of the east

Alexandria, handmaiden of all this, now stands by once more to watch and applaud as we enact the last ritual, the coe of both Caesarion and Antyllus Caesarion is to be enrolled in the Greek Ephebic College for , and proclaia viriliSy viriliSy the mark of a Roman adult the mark of a Roman adult

No expense was spared After all, as the one thing we still had in abundance? Hope ht have burnt, but e, and defiance--those we still had Antony and I had agonized over whether it ise to elevate the boys to adulthood Which would assure their survival best? Antony felt that Octavian was more likely to spare minors, but I pointed out that it was too late for that We had taken up arhts, and Octavian would never overlook that As for Antyllus, the notorious will had named him Antony's personal heir, and noould suffer all the punishments for it At least as adults they would command the respect and attention they were due, rather than ”disappearing” as children often did

”They will have to be fored and dealt with,” I said ”There s But Caesarion will be safe and out of Egypt, and Antyllus will have co your heir And since Octavian actually knows Antyllus, he willthem adults offers them the best chance, and also offers partisans the opportunity to champion theo the other way Were we doo the,” Antony said ”That would get around all the difficulties of the older boys”

I laughed His opti ”Do you honestly think Octavian would place your son on the throne of Egypt? Reward you, in effect? You heartedness” I shook ht be different As it is, it is their Roman blood that causes the trouble”