Part 119 (1/2)

Antony nodded ”And to think they are all cousins--and cousins to Octavian”

”That is what erous to one another,” I said

So we had arranged the ceremonies, the day when Caesarion would ride in his chariot through the streets of the city, wearing his royal robes, clutching the scroll and e, and then present hih only fourteen, qualified for elevation into adulthood as well

I was proud to show myself to the city and put an end to wild rumors about rateful for Antony to have the chance to do likewise

He seemed to have recovered from the nadir of Actium and the humiliation by Gallus and the tru about a very high, visible position was that one could never withdraw to let nature perfor, but must remain chained and hoisted up to public view If only Caesar, after Spain, had had the luxury of those ained his balance and peace of h of that, I told myself sternly

Now Antony and I sat side by side, wearing our best cere our eldest children--by other ether were seated behind us I wondered what future awaited theht, and they would win out in the end They would have the ic of our names but not the stink of our opprobrium, and their very youth and innocence could preserve the Alexander and Selene to Media, where Alexander's betrothed waited But I did not know I just did not know

A blare of tru near We sat up straighter and prepared to welcome our sons to the platfor chariots wheeled, and a burst of cheers exploded on the air

How tall they stood! How proud, how i them with approval and admiration

Remember it always, my son, I prayed silently son, I prayed silently Hear those cries, see the faces, taste the joy of total acceptance,of wine It does not stay Hear those cries, see the faces, taste the joy of total acceptance,of wine It does not stay

The chariots approached, and at the foot of the platform they drew up abreast, then stopped The boys--men now--stepped out and mounted the platform where aited them, as proud parents as any farmer or fisherman whose son first takes the plow or the net

Caesarion stood beside , at the very brink and threshold of his own life apart from mine What he would be, he hih, aloft I felt the weight ofdown upon me Before me the multitude spread out

”My people,” I said, andout ”Today you have a ypt, to lead you Hearken to him!”

Then I turned to look at Caesarion, h solemnity and hthouse the children had made, and it seeacy And Caesar's

Aftere retired to the palace for a banquet Always there h I do not knohy I suppose our mortal natures need to feast and raise cups in jubilation

Noere seated at a long table--no Ro today--and Caesarion took the place of honor, while Antony and I flanked hi his celebratory crown, his fine features flattered by it What a king he wouldsentimental, but my eyes were keen discerners of what really was Somehow, in the dim hours between dusk and dawn in the palace as it then was, Caesar and I had created a rare creature, and all by accident, all unknowing Such is fate

My voice would tremble; I could not trust it And so I silently raised my cup and drank to him, to my jewel, my achievement

”My boys, you acquitted yourselves well today,” said Antony loudly ”Mark you, I do not expect to lose gaardless of your new status”

I was drinking froenerations I let er over its rim, which seemed to impart a very smoothness to the wine Still I could not trust myself to speak, but I hoped that would soon pass I did not like being mute

The feast continued I could report every dish, every co a very short coold, but timeno time Octavian has snatched that from me And so I o A short timea lifetime no time Octavian has snatched that from me And so I o A short timea lifetireen, the one hue not captured in any gem; turquoise is too opaque, aquamarine too pallid, lapis too thick and stubbornly dark But the reply did not coe, the letter from Octavian slithered in unobtrusively by land I received it, delivered by a regular h insult

To the Queen Cleopatra, intransigent eneent enemy of Rome: Salutations I have received your tokens of subratified thereby As to As to your requests, I cannot answer at present Too much stands between us How can I consider the deposition of the crohen you have shownbeing--which you alere before your alliance with the unfortunate Marcus Antonius--and are stable and dependable Therefore I require some reasonable proof What should serve? The head of said Antonius, or else to drive him from your domains into our hands He is a spent force, and an impediment between heads of state such as ourselves your requests, I cannot answer at present Too much stands between us How can I consider the deposition of the crohen you have shownbeing--which you alere before your alliance with the unfortunate Marcus Antonius--and are stable and dependable Therefore I require some reasonable proof What should serve? The head of said Antonius, or else to drive him from your domains into our hands He is a spent force, and an impediment between heads of state such as ourselves

Do it, and you shall find us most reasonable But first, do it Othere shall determine that you are not trustworthy

I it His boldness was head-spinning So I was to sacrifice Antonyand for what? He had not specified ”You shall find us h never to co to paper that could come back to haunt him or nip at his heels

I noted that he had not returned the crown and scepter He was probably stroking the to them! And the ”we”! He was royal already, I noted

Antony's head Did he think I would station a servant behind the curtains, drawing his breath slowly, ready to strike after we had finishedAntony's life as he drowsed off? Did he think I would kiss hi his ht, you have believed all the evil you have put

abroad about me! The evil Queen, slave to her ambition: Cleopatra! Cleopatra, most vile! The evil Queen, slave to her ambition: Cleopatra! Cleopatra, ht, I could not help thinking: that head To strike off that headwhat an ugly, squalid, offer Octavian hadthat noble head like lory arity?

The end was here, and nothing remained to us but to meet it with honor How does one throw open the doors to the enemy, with honor? I did not know It was not written I must discover it

That dear head, iven ht toin his supposition Perhaps he was equally wrong in his other suppositions I could only pray so

The days crept by, each one perfect and bracing Everybead of dew, clear and pure and untroubled; the white noons were filled with purpose andin the fading sky, as the stars behind them came out, as always As alwaysit went on as always, and only by the sheerest act of iination could we force ourselves to believe a threat hovered soht

The end was supposed to be accoh of old age, or even the spots of plague It was not supposed to co, so sweet, so quiet Perhaps this was the final enemy to be confronted: this false sense of safety

I could delay no longer It was already late May Caesarion would have to leave We had heard that Octavian had now transferred his legions fro himself down in our palace, that drafty relic which had served our hours of joy so well Then he had passed on, going south He was less than five hundred miles fro less than two hundred hold there They would close in on us; although the southern desert would remain open, Caesarion had to reach Coptos by o

But, O! the world of woe in those three words! I had to cast him adrift at the mercy of fate for the rest of his life I knew that when he sailed away, I would never see hio with him until he reached the main channel of the Nile, and then I must turn back And so we set out, in a small boat from the steps of the lake harbor, and retraced the journey I had o with Mardian, Olympos, and Nebamun, e ran away fro away frorown thicker than ever, and the boatmen had to work hard to push theolden pollen and stirred up pairs of white dancing butterflies to circle our heads Then ere entering the canal that would bring us to the Canopic branch of the Nile, and from thence into the Nile proper I alress I had seen to it that the canal was dredged and the weeds cut back, so it was faster going these days

Once we reached the Canopic branch, we hoisted our sail to catch the north breeze, andpalms, the donkeys and their heels

”The Nile will just be starting to rise down near the first cataract,” I told him ” ”But you should reach Coptos before the full extent of it”

”I know” We were standing by the railing, watching the land slide past, and he covered one of my hands with his ”I have studied all of it extensively” He gave one of his winning smiles

Another journey, up the Nile, with Caesar, when this boy was still inthat unremembered journey now ”But you have only made the journey once or twice,” I said I remembered our excursion to Dendera, to show him his portrait as a Pharaoh on the temple walls ”It always looks different when one really sees it, after studying it in books” I sa clean and firm his jaas, tilted up in confidence He wore Caesar s ivenis the compulsion to remember and recount all that has cole of waterlilies fouling boats' oars No more, no moreI ordered my mind to stop, to shut the vivid memories down I ordered my mind to stop, to shut the vivid memories down

Let me just stand here, on the deck with ed

And it was granted to me, so that all the rest of it fell away like tattered wrappings, and those days were ours alone

When we reached the Nile proper, a stoutly fitted barge awaited us at the landing just downstream from Memphis It was not identified as a royal vessel, for I did not want to et of attention This one ned by a grain uides ere to accompany hiuard all the way to India, were on board His tutor, Rhodon, would also make the journey, and had packed two trunks of books